random posts about everything

Oh my god… the cat can’t move because they have a human on

boot’s on the other foot now motherfucker

context (via @mellorocket)

doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay

There are you happy

My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."

and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"

I too am having a bad time at the conference

Reblog if you too are having a bad time at the conference

people born in 2000 should be like 12-14 now. but they’re not. that’s how fucked up our world is now

The older this post gets the funnier it becomes

My cousin born in 2000 is a licensed psychologist.

that’s how fucked up our world is now

Klaus getting kidnapped: tortured, has to face childhood trauma, almost dies, teleported to the Vietnam war right after

Luther getting kidnapped: meets the love of his life, gets married after

In 1944 a kitten named George (short for General Electric) was saved from drowning by a U.S. Navy crew member. George was then photographed and given a liberty card and detailed health record. Source.

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

Promethean task: opposite of a Cassandraean task. You have the right information, and SOMEONE has to share it. But it's all in the delivery and if you're the person to identify the problem you WILL be hated forever.

Oedipal Task: (1) Attempting to avoid an unspeakably awful outcome and in doing so creating the circumstances that will bring it about. (2) Trying to solve an problem and discovering that you are in fact the problem you are trying to solve.

Odyssean task: you’ll complete it but it’ll take 20 times longer than it should and involve multiple side quests and mini-adventures

Pandorean task: some people fucked around and now it's your job to make sure they find out

AJRs entire discography is just them being like “growing up was the worst thing i ever did” with a bunch of horn instruments and i eat it up

autumntides

10h

"In the instance an employer makes an illegal request for a photograph as part of a job application, you may submit a complaint to the United States Equal Employment Opportunity Commission." Successful violation fee collections are paid partially to the one who suffered the violation, which in many cases exceeds a year of work at these shit jobs. There's only two weak points to a corporation, and those are in the budget and in the supply chain. Hit them where it hurts.

Fucking word.

Learn your rights!

AUTO REBLOG IN CASE YOU MISSED THIS THE 1ST TIME AROUND.  It is important to KNOW YOUR RIGHTS.

i keep thinking all the mars rovers are the size of a medium dog but i am wrong every single time

Huge pet peeve in video games is when you can’t hold your breath underwater for very long or it takes a good while to regain your breath above water. Unrealistic. Like my condolences to the devs for your lack of breath support but that just could not be me…

are you a frog or perhaps a turtle

i am a Saxophone player

same thing

There’s a very easy solution to this.

this is what he sounds like

Five: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something! Diego: You left me, Luther, and Klaus in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago. Five: I did that on purpose, try again.

okay you know that scan/photo of a teen girl’s diary entry that goes like “wore yellow dress today. chris keeps trying to talk to me even though he KNOWS i’m not interested! ugh! man landed on moon.” anyway that’s the mood

THIS person is valid, as is their grandmother

Things like this are specifically why I’ve started keeping a paper journal this year.

“100th day of protests in Portland, we’re approaching 200k coronavirus deaths, things are very strange and the west is on fire. Tried my banana bread recipe with olive oil and less sugar, thought it was quite tasty but will stick with butter in the future.”

“Dad says he’s settling into the new house fine, the dogs are happy to have a nice yard. The president keeps saying he’s not going to commit to a peaceful exchange of power. But there’s evidence of possible life on Venus, which is nice.”

Frank Kafka’s Journals: August 2nd, 1914 - “Germany has declared war on Russia. Swimming in the afternoon.”

I really think Rasputin lucked out, in that being remembered by history as some species of giant unkillable sex wizard is something most of us can only fruitlessly aspire to.

He didn’t luck out, he worked hard for that rep

he really didn’t though

he was just kind of a garden-variety creep, but the rumor mill did all the work for him and now he’s a banger disco song

to be fair, neither could Rasputin. Alexei very much continued to have haemophilia.

isn’t the current theory that he seemed to heal faster and have more spoons when Rasputin was around because Rasputin wouldn’t let the doctors give him aspirin, a blood thinner?

Ra Ra Rasputin Russia’s wellness scamming fiend

Fun fact: the conspirator who’d been made responsible for preparing the poison for Rasputin, Stanislaus de Lazovert, was a medical intern who’d studied under the exact same doctor who kept trying to treat Tsarevich Alexei’s hemophilia with aspirin.

Like, I feel like this should be taken into account when evaluating reports of Rasputin’s miraculous immunity to poison.

Did the guy who shot him also study under that doctor?

No, Felix Yusupov was just a useless nerd who thought he knew how murder worked because he’d read a book.

Based on the available historical evidence, the most likely sequence of events is as follows:

Pretty much everything else about Rasputin’s miraculous invincibility is invented whole cloth, much of it by Yusupov himself in order to build himself up in his own published memoirs.

(As icing on the incompetently poisoned cake, elements of Yusupov’s memoirs were later incorporated into the 1932 film Rasputin and the Empress, which led to Yusupov suing MGM Studios for libel because the film strongly implies that Rasputin was fucking Yusupov’s wife. The precedent set by that lawsuit is the reason those “similarities to any real person living or dead are coincidental” disclaimers exist.)

That last fact took me off at the knees.

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