I Ain't Afraid Of Nothing Except Jellyfish!

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001) dir. Chris Columbus

petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’

what about alaska

are we then normal canada

canada a bit to the left

What about South America? Is that just America? Or South South Canada?

i cried my ass of laughing

WARM CANADA

i caN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD

I’m not even from Canada but I approve this change of names

M ILKY E H

IT HAS RETURNED

FOUND IT

IT IS AN HONOUR TO HAVE THIS GRACE MY DASH

reblogging from myself bc i found this when scrolling through my blog

Reblogging again because this is too god for not reblog

this is one of the few posts you have to reblog or else you’ll never see it in a million years besides screenshots

My fiancé just whispered in my ear, “you’re my secret Santa”

so I said “what?”

And he went, “ah shit I meant soulmate”

The boy forgot the word for soulmate and his brain thought, “it’s called secret Santa”

The Peel is an offshoot of the Onion but honestly if someone told me this was real slam poetry I wouldn’t even question it

Here’s the full 24 hour comic I drew yesterday, called “The Fish Wife”.  Thank you to everybody who followed along on twitter and cheered me on <3

i was in a thrift shop the other day and they were playing the most unsettling variations of normal christmas music, culminating in this rendition of the 12 days of christmas except it was like 12 guys all singing over each other and going “no!” and interrupting the lyrics with random other phrases until they deadass just started singing 5 golden rings to toto’s africa. can anyone confirm that this is a real song and not that i stroked so hard i astral projected into a universe where everything is somehow worse than it is here

https://youtu.be/2Fe11OlMiz8

I remember listening to this in grade school. I am going to go get some Chinese food.

this is what my anxiety attacks sound like

Oh I needed this laugh this evening. Thank you so much.

In case anyone didn’t want to leave Tumblr and just hit “play”

95 hours per week

A fucking queen

These are the people that conservatives and classists say don’t deserve to earn more than a minimum hourly wage.

Jesus

I see her every morning at Zarro’s bakery in Grand Central, she is the nicest lady ever.

this deserves so much more notes

So she’s a boss at the bakery but she has to have three jobs anyway what the fuck

a glow up

A hero in more ways than one

I NEVER KNEW THAT

Always always reblogging this if I see it on my dashboard

Are straight white people okay????

What is this?!

People like this exist. Interesting.

this story has a part 2

THERE IS A PART 3 WITH GUEST RESPONSES I REPEAT THERE IS A PART 3 THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Broke: Navy seal Copypasta

Woke: My husband and I are certified spiritual healers with over ten years experience. You all Know this. Our wedding colors, fabrics, and intimate synchronized dance are something we hold very dear to our hearts. The expensive clothing represents the riches we wish to come. The black and camouflage outfits represent the aura of the devil we must shoo away. The soda hats represent our wishes for an abundance of life saving liquid. You get the picture. We met at a psychic’s desensitization chamber over 12 years ago in Italy, as you all know. Why not bring our traditions and beliefs to our wedding? Would you show up at an Indian persons wedding and make fun of their culture and their tradition? If not, don’t judge ours.

You are hopeless, child. You know that. Completely hopeless.

Headcanon that in the new good future where Marty McFly never has his accident, he does become a famous musician, while still going on time travel adventures with Doc, and then when the internet comes along, people on forums and message boards start discovering and posting photos of people in the past who look eerily like famous rock star Marty McFly, and as time goes on, “Marty McFly is a time traveller” becomes one of the biggest and most long running memes on the internet.

When Doc finds out he freaks out and panicks and makes blog posts (because of COURSE Doc runs a blog) talking about how UTTERLY RIDICULOUS the idea of a time travelling rock star is, which the internet finds hilarious and only makes the meme spread more.

Marty meanwhile thinks the whole thing is the funniest thing ever and is just wheezing at every new forum or jokey article about it, and directly addresses the meme in interviews, bringing up this “crazy conspiracy” that people have, until eventually he can just say things like “well of course I am a time traveller” or “oh you like my hat? Thank you I got it in the 1910s”, and people just crack up, and Marty cracks up too because no-one realises that he’s not even lying.

When Marty starts doing this Doc’s blog posts get even more annoyed and passive aggressive, saying things like “even if time travel WAS possible, a SENSIBLE time traveller would KEEP OUT OF THE PUBLIC EYE and not just TELL EVERYONE LIVE ON TV”

Eventually a secondary meme starts up where people start joking “Doctor Emmett Brown is a time traveller himself and that’s why he’s so worked up about it” and Doc very nearly just deletes his blog and throws his computer in a skip.

@elbiotipo Then you should follow me, for mORE QUALITY BTTF HEADCANONS (or don’t, it’s up to you)

OH MY GOD! THIS! THIS IS PERFECT! :D

what boyband is this