Hey, you. Yes, you. Send me anons. Make it about whatever you want. Just send one.

No really. Send one. Or two. Or three. Whatever.

There needs to be a ice cream bar in the cafeteria.. just saying.

This is the best idea I’ve heard in awhile. Let’s get right on it then, alright? Let’s round the troops and start an ice cream revolution.

What?

I was thinking- hikes, hitting the gym, grilling at my villa and sharing some beers. I’m the director of the observatory here.

Yeah...bad joke. Maybe I’ll do better on the next one.

I’d be crazy to turn down a hike, grilling and beers. That sounds like my ideal man-date. The workout thing though...I ain’t too good at that stuff, but I’m not opposed to doing it if ya don’t out do me too much. That’s real neat - are you an astronomer? 

F2F | Open

The man.. Tony, stood just barely inside the room as the words came tumbling out of him. And it was just the kind of situation that he had little ability to help with. His heart sunk when he realized that the man wasn’t there for help himself, but seeking; imploring for help for a loved one. When he finished, Jett waited a beat and then motioned to the sofa next to the armchair he sat in. He stood up and offered his hand to shake. “Hi, Tony. I’m Jett. Why don’t you sit down and we can talk.” He took a deep breath before passing on words that he knew wouldn’t be what Tony wanted to hear. “I can’t imagine what the loss of a child is like. I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand that you want to do anything to help your ex. It’s terrifying watching someone you love falling down into that hole and nothing you do can catch them. I know you want this to be a solution, but unfortunately it can only be a solution when she’s ready to ask for it herself.” He tried to convey the message without cruelty but without sugar coating it either. “You’re hurting too though. Alcoholism is a family dynamic and it affects much more than just the person who drinks. How are you doing Tony?” 

Tony didn’t want to talk about himself right now. He had already spoken about himself once, when Valerie had so kindly and calmly listened to him vent about it all, and getting it out once was really all he could handle. He didn’t want to sit, but he did anyways, if only to try and calm himself. Tony could tell that the following words that were going to come out of his mouth were going to disappoint him. He had heard that same tone out of the doctor at the hospital. “So you won’t help.” His tone was rid of the normal Tony happiness that came out when he spoke, and his eyes barely met the other man’s. He knew it was a can’t and not a won’t, but the anger and sadness that flooded him currently was overwhelmed with frustration mostly at himself for not being able to help her. “Considering ya can’t help me out here, I’m not doing too great. But I ain’t here to talk about me, Jett. I’m just gonna go, alright? Thanks for listening to me.”

These are my confessions ~ Val & Tony

Expressing emotions was never a strong quality for Valerie, all her life she had to mostly stifle them and now she was always playing catch up.  Her confusion didn’t help.  When he sat with her she offered a weak smile, it was hard to get someone to understand what she was trying to say.  Maybe because she hadn’t been in this position before.  Valerie gave his hands a light squeeze, “It’s not about the money… I’ve never thought that you would care about that.  And I would hope that it wouldn’t scare you off but my family does have the power to do that.  Just being in that world and environment… it can be really fucked up.”  She swallowed and looked down for a moment, “Obviously this stuff is way off but you’re involving yourself with me so you should know… my life.  There’s a reason I haven’t done so many things or why I act spoiled sometimes.  I’m trying to better myself but… I’m honestly afraid that you won’t like where I come from and it’s something I can’t change.” 

Tony appreciated Valerie’s openness in a huge way. He had come to learn that talking about her emotions wasn’t exactly easy for her, and he wanted to be as big of a support for her as possible in it. He ran his thumb over her hand, hoping to soothe her nerves a little. He nodded as she spoke, his eyes locked on her. “Power doesn’t mean anything if it’s not enabled.” A part of him knew she wasn’t looking for him to convince her that he wasn’t going to let what she was telling him scare him away or change his thoughts on her, but he still felt the need to reassure her of it. He freed one of his hands to tilt her chin upwards so he could look at her. “We come from completely different worlds and upbringings...it’s what makes me, me, and what makes you, you. But ya know what? You’re kind and you’re giving, and you love with your whole heart, and you put other people first, always. It seems like you’ve taken some really great things from your upbringing and your father, and you’ve also become your own person. I think the result of that is so beautiful and special and I don’t want ya to change anything about that. I didn’t know ya before, but the you that I know is really fucking great.”

Send ☻ and my muse will explain one way in which your muse makes them smile.

PM: I’ve been trying, Devyn, I have. Just because you haven’t responded or haven’t wanted to talk to me or spend time with me or let me actually try and help you, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been here. I can’t tell you that it’s nothing because it’s not nothing and I’ve never lied to you. It’s been a secret because the last thing I’ve wanted to do it hurt you or give you another reason to drink. What do you mean sitting on the sidelines? You’ve told me at least twice that you couldn’t have what we used to have with me…that you couldn’t be with me in that way again because I remind you of him. I don’t get what you wanted me to do. I waited. I waited and I waited and I waited and I came here for you and then I waited again and you still told me to back off. I did need you, Dev. I needed you when we lost him and you needed me and you decided that none of that mattered. 

You didn’t lose my son, Devyn. Don’t you dare let that thought in your head. Some fucked up force in the universe happened and we lost him. That wasn’t your fault, my fault, or anyone elses fault. You need to know and understand that. I will never and have never blamed you for any of this. How could I? I need you to understand that none of this is even close to being your fault. I’m here to help and like I said, I’m not going anywhere. But you need to want to be helped and you need to help yourself, too. You’re not hopeless and none of this is hopeless. But you’re hurting yourself with the drinking and it needs to slow down. Nothing will ever feel okay if you don’t.

[PM] You haven’t been trying! I told you I needed space and you let me leave. I told you I needed time to figure it out and you stayed away from me. At what point did you try? When did you stop fighting for the person you claim to love and decided to back down? If it’s not nothing, then why are you doing this to me? Why are you pretending to care about me if you’re invested in her? Yes, you waited. You sat there and waited and never tried. And then you decide to finally do something and come here and what happens? You find someone else. You’ve fought more for her these past few weeks then you did the entire year I was gone.

I did. I did lose our son. It wasn’t a nasty joke from the universe.. I was carrying him, I was twenty-four weeks when I lost him. I couldn’t even carry him the entire time. He died and I only saw him for thirty seconds.. Someone is at fault and I can’t blame the doctors because they tried to help him. They tried and it didn’t work. You don’t have to blame me for it, that doesn’t change the fact that I blame myself for it.

Don’t claim to want to help me. Don’t. Just go spend time with whoever she is and just leave me alone. Nothing will ever feel okay, there is nothing I can do or not do to make it feel okay. Ever.

PM: Don't do that, Dev. That's not fair. You left. You booked a flight and signed yourself up for this place...you had your bags packed and you walked out the door. I didn't think you could actually do it, let alone do it so easily. I called you almost every day for months and you ignored my calls. I came here on visitors weekend and you avoided me like the plague. None of that is trying? Can we please acknowledge one important factor? The part where you made it clear at least a few times that you didn't see me like that anymore. It's not about finding someone else. You know I've always cared about you and I always will. If writing a letter almost every day for a year, buying a damn engagement ring and paying off a house payment isn't trying and hoping, then I really don't know what trying looks like.

You are /not/ to blame, Devyn. I'm not pretending anything. I care. Why can't you believe that? Please don't talk like that.

These are my confessions ~ Val & Tony

The ability or privilege even, of being able to support people he cared about was incredibly important to Tony and always had been. So when Valerie leaned into his touch, he kept his movements steady even if it would only calm her slightly. He couldn’t help but laugh at the ogre comment, a forced offended expression taking over. “I only bathe in mud and eat insects sometimes, Valerie Hawthorne.” He looked down at her hands and smiled, tilting his head back up only to quickly feel her lips against his. Tony’s hands lifted to sit gently at her hips, his gaze set on hers, nodding slowly while she spoke. He didn’t understand why this was a big deal; it didn’t mean much to him at all, but he would let her finish what she was saying before he cut her off. “Not scared off yet, keep going.” 

His lack of reaction told her enough and the expression on her face went flat as she stepped back.  Valerie didn’t even want to continue the conversation, things suddenly felt… cold.  When she reached the bed she sat and eventually lifted her gaze back up at Tony.  “It’s a crazy world,” she shrugged, “that’s all and my dad isn’t the nicest but that all doesn’t really matter.”  She let out a silent sigh and looked away as she chewed on her lip.  “Sorry, I made this into a big deal and it’s not,” her shoulders rose and fell in a shrug again.

Tony was quick to shake his head, his heart feeling like it was going to fly out of his chest when she stepped backward. It had seemed that he had continuously been screwing up lately, when all he wanted was for her to be happy. He lowered himself down from the dresser and moved across the room to sit right next to her, his body shifting so he was facing her as best he could. He took both of her hands in his own, glancing down at them while his thumbs gently ran back and forth over her skin. "It's a big deal to you, and I know it has been in the past. It's affected your life in big ways, and I didn't mean to downplay that. I just-" he paused and leaned in to press a soft kiss to her temple. "I've told you this before, but there is /nothing/ that could scare me off or make me think any differently of you. You're worth a lot more than your money, Val. You're loving, caring, smart, thoughtful, funny, generous...and you've got a billion other things about you that I'd notice first."

[PM] Are you serious right now? You think I came here to “run around with random guys” as a way for me to cope with the fact that I lost a child? If there was any truth to that, would I still be living in the basement of this place for over nine months? Don’t try to spin this to say that I came here to meet someone or that I don’t love you because we both know that isn’t true. I asked you to come here to help me! Not to go on camping trips with her, not to spend all your free time with her, or to do whatever the fuck you’re doing with her. And don’t try to tell me that it’s nothing because if was just nothing, it wouldn’t be a secret. You would have been up front and I wouldn’t have to just sit on the sidelines watching you with her. I needed you here for me and I thought you needed me. Right now, I feel wrong.

And when I asked for space, it was because I am terrified and scared and guilty for everything that happened! Being around you you scares me, Tony. I lost your son, how the fuck am I supposed to make everything alright when I lost your son? I asked for your help because I’m afraid and alone and you need to understand that. I’m trying to figure it all out, I am trying to make sense of the cruelest joke that life seemed to throw my way and I don’t know how. Going out, having a good time and forgetting all the shit that happened to me, to us, even for a few hours helps. I just need to make it better, I need to find a way for it to be better. Right now, nothing feels better. Nothing feels okay.

PM: I’ve been trying, Devyn, I have. Just because you haven’t responded or haven’t wanted to talk to me or spend time with me or let me actually try and help you, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been here. I can’t tell you that it’s nothing because it’s not nothing and I’ve never lied to you. It’s been a secret because the last thing I’ve wanted to do it hurt you or give you another reason to drink. What do you mean sitting on the sidelines? You’ve told me at least twice that you couldn’t have what we used to have with me...that you couldn’t be with me in that way again because I remind you of him. I don’t get what you wanted me to do. I waited. I waited and I waited and I waited and I came here for you and then I waited again and you still told me to back off. I did need you, Dev. I needed you when we lost him and you needed me and you decided that none of that mattered. 

You didn’t lose my son, Devyn. Don’t you dare let that thought in your head. Some fucked up force in the universe happened and we lost him. That wasn’t your fault, my fault, or anyone elses fault. You need to know and understand that. I will never and have never blamed you for any of this. How could I? I need you to understand that none of this is even close to being your fault. I’m here to help and like I said, I’m not going anywhere. But you need to want to be helped and you need to help yourself, too. You’re not hopeless and none of this is hopeless. But you’re hurting yourself with the drinking and it needs to slow down. Nothing will ever feel okay if you don’t.

These are my confessions ~ Val & Tony

There was an internal calm the settled within when Tony’s hand touched her and then proceeded it’s soothing rub up and down her back.  Valerie breathed out a sigh, rubbing her lips together as worry ate away at her stomach.  She hummed and leaned into him as he whispered some very meaningful words in her ear.  Her heart rate kicked up again as Tony had an easy way of doing that but then she laughed softly when in typical fashion he brought humor in to lighten up the mood.  Valerie hoped he knew how much she appreciated that and all the things he did, big or small, and she’d tell him.  Other things were fighting out of her throat for the time being though.  She pinched his leg, “Shut up you big ogre.”  Turning into him, settling her hips between his knees and both hands now resting on his legs, Valerie looked up at him.  “Thank you, I needed to hear that.” She rolled up on her toes and kissed him quick before settling.  “My family is a lot to take in but there’s some things, aside from how messed up everything is that you need to know.  It’s been kind of nice being here and no one having a clue who I am or how much I’m worth… it’s not millions.  It’s more.”  She paused, breathed and swallowed thickly.  “My dad is known as the king of Wall Street, literally.  He built an empire, self made billionaire and…”

The ability or privilege even, of being able to support people he cared about was incredibly important to Tony and always had been. So when Valerie leaned into his touch, he kept his movements steady even if it would only calm her slightly. He couldn’t help but laugh at the ogre comment, a forced offended expression taking over. “I only bathe in mud and eat insects sometimes, Valerie Hawthorne.” He looked down at her hands and smiled, tilting his head back up only to quickly feel her lips against his. Tony’s hands lifted to sit gently at her hips, his gaze set on hers, nodding slowly while she spoke. He didn’t understand why this was a big deal; it didn’t mean much to him at all, but he would let her finish what she was saying before he cut her off. “Not scared off yet, keep going.”