Me Before You (Bucky x Reader)
A/N: Soooo.... I was originally going to make this short and sweet, a little angsty. But, as I kept writing, I decided I needed to make this like 99% angst and maybe 1% fluff? Honestly, this may have been one of the saddest stories I've written so far, so be warned! Let me know what you all think! To those who have sent in requests: I promise you I've seen them and I'm working on them. It'll just take a little bit of time! :)
Warnings: ANGST, sad themes, etc.
Bucky never felt more at peace than when he was with the woman that he loved. If he could have it his way, he would spend all of his afternoons lounging on a blanket in a park and listening to her tell stories of her adventures at work. Unfortunately, Bucky was not always able to have that luxury. But, he always reserved Fridays a quarter past twelve to share his lunch with her. And that was where Bucky found himself now.
“Do you ever wonder what happens to us when we die?”
Bucky frowned, gazing up at her from his place flat on his back on their shared blanket. The question felt so sudden and very unexpected. As a man who was over a hundred years old, he supposed that he considered the reality of death every now and then. But after the threat of Thanos had disappeared and the events with the Flag Smashers had come to pass, Bucky only ever thought about what the rest of his life held for him.
There was no time to consider the end of his life when it felt like it was just beginning. Decades locked under HYDRA’s control that was followed by five years of emptiness after the battle in Wakanda stole everything from him. Time, his family, and even Steve. As hard as it had been to move on from that loss, Bucky never considered that this was the end. But he found significantly more joy once he met Y/N. A new purpose, a new future… a new life.
“I suppose I have.” Bucky shrugged, his gaze fixed on Y/N as she ate the last of her sandwich. “But I have nearly died too many times to count. I’m not ready to think about that part of my story yet. I want to make these years count.”
“Of course.” She smiled down at her boyfriend before laying down beside him, her head turned to face him. “I always just worry there will never be enough time.”
“What? Because you’re dating a man born over a hundred years ago?” Bucky snorted, a small smile playing on his lips. But the silence that followed made it drop immediately. “Are you actually worried-“
“Look, I’m not stupid. It’s not like you’re going to drop dead any day now.” Y/N laced her fingers through his vibranium ones, bringing his hand up to kiss it gently. “I just worry about what the future will look like. I was scared shitless when you disappeared with Sam for weeks. I just don’t know what I would do if something happened to you, baby. I really don’t.”
“Doll, I assure you, nothing will happen. And nothing has happened, thanks to this fancy new arm.” Bucky smiled but felt it falter when noticing the lingering anxiety on her face. Guilt blossomed in his chest at the sight of her discomfort. How could he not have noticed this before?
He rolled onto his side, letting go of her hand and gently cupping her face with his other hand. “Y/N, look at me.”
Her eyes flashed to his, and for a moment, Bucky felt his heart stutter in his chest. God, he would never get used to how beautiful they were.
“There is only one way that I will ever know what happens after death.”
“ And what way is that?” Y/N whispered, leaning into his touch gently.
“It will only happen after I have lived a long, happy life with you. Preferably somewhere away from this busy city, maybe with a few kids. Or, a few dogs. I’m very open. “
A soft giggle escaped her lips and Bucky smiled, letting his thumb gently wipe away a stray tear that fell from her eye.
“What I know for sure is that I will love you for every last day I exist in this life, and that is a promise.” His heart nearly melted at the sight of her smile. “ I want to live this life with you for as long as I can. But above all that, I promise you that it will be me before you, sweet girl. You will be the one to bury me.“
“I don’t think that I will survive losing you,” Y/N whispered, her hand moving to rest on top of the one I placed on her cheek.
“It’s a good thing that won’t happen for decades, at the very least.” Bucky smiled gently. “If we’re lucky, we’ll be senior citizens warm in our bed. “
“I’m trying to imagine an eighty-year-old Bucky Barnes with a metal arm. It’s hard to visualize that in my head.”
“It’s a good thing that you’re stuck with this gorgeous physique for at least another decade. It’ll prepare you.” Bucky laughed, and at the sound of her own giggle, he knew that her anxieties were at least beginning to be comforted.
Truthfully, the idea of death scared Bucky Barnes to his core. But not only for himself. Before meeting Y/N, he would have felt content to have passed away any day now. He had lived over a hundred years, even if a significant chunk had been spent in terrible circumstances. Bucky had watched his closest friend leave him behind for his love, and he had accepted it surprisingly well. Sure, he had Sam, but for the longest while, it felt like all they could do was argue.
But now, Bucky was hopeful for a long life. And he also feared any threat of harm that came toward Y/N. He had spent quite some time worrying about her safety while he was away with Sam, and even now, that fear lingered in the bank of his mind. Y/N did not care about the risks that came with being with him, and part of that made Bucky love her even more. But the lingering fear somehow always made its way back to him.
“Thank you for loving me… and comforting me, even if my fears are stupid.” Y/N rolled her eyes playfully and Bucky shook his head gently, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer to him.
“Nothing about your fears are silly, doll.” He reassured her, gently pressing his lips against her forehead before pulling away. “I just don’t want you to fear losing me. I promise you I’m here as long as you want me.”
“Forever?” Y/N gazed up at him, and a smile lit up Bucky’s face.
It had been years since that day in the park, and her request for him to stay with her forever remained etched in his memory. Just over two years after that day, he reaffirmed that promise at the alter, nearly in tears at the sight of his love dressed in white and looking as beautiful as ever. Life felt much simpler after that. After they returned from their honeymoon, the two lovers began to search for a home away from the city. Their small apartment in the city worked decently enough, but it was time to leave this life behind.
Y/N had finished her final day of work, quietly making the trip back to their apartment as the sun slowly began to set. Although the day was over, more work awaited her at the apartment. After months and months of searching, Bucky and Y/N had finally found a house that they loved. In only a few days, they would be leaving the city for good. The buzzing of her phone caught her attention, a smile lifting her lips at the sight of her husband's name on the screen. “Hey baby, I’m just leaving the office. I shouldn’t be more than five to ten minutes.”
“Sounds great. Sam offered to help us finish packing, so I just picked him up and we’re going to get some food. What sounds better: Chinese or pizza?”
“Bucky, you know that I can cook. I don’t mind making a little extra for Sam.” Y/N rolled her eyes, as their apartment building came into view.
“Nuh-uh. You just got home from work, and we still have to finish packing. No more stress on your end. “
“Okay, fine, pizza sounds great.” She let out a small laugh at the sound of him squabbling with Sam in the background. “I’m going to let you two children go. Please play nice. I’ll need all the help I can get once you’re home. I love you.“
“Okay. I love you too, doll. We shouldn’t be long.”
She hung up the phone with a smile and stepped into the apartment building, completely unaware of the dark and hooded figure lingering behind her.
“I can’t believe your apartment building has no elevator, and you’re on the very top floor. A terrible choice, really.”
“One of the benefits of moving.” Bucky snorted, the pizza box firm in his hands as the two of them climbed up the stairs, approaching the last set before reaching their floor. “We did get our exercise in for the day each time we climbed up, though. That shall be missed.”
“I’m sure you’ll find something to do in your house in the middle of nowhere. “ Sam rolled his eyes. “Speaking of, when are you going to let me come visit?”
“Jesus, let us move in first before you plan your first visit, okay?” Bucky let out a laugh as they finally made it to the top. “I-“
His sentence was cut off at the sight of the front door of his apartment open. The carpet leading to the door was splattered with a substance, and Bucky felt his heart drop as he identified it as blood. Without a word, he shoved the pizza box into Sam’s chest and ran towards the apartment.
The sound of a fist connecting with flesh was the first thing he heard as Bucky pushed through the door. Y/N lay collapsed on the floor, her body shaking with sobs as she pleaded with the larger figure who knelt over her, his hand raised to strike again.
Bucky’s body slammed into the man, before ripping him off of her body and throwing him to the ground only feet away. His vibranium hand struck the intruder's nose with a sickening crunch, and he did not hesitate to strike again before wrapping it around the man’s throat tightly.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Bucky shouted, his grip tightening at the beginnings of a smirk on the man’s face. “How did you get in here?”
“Bucky!” Sam’s voice interrupted the conversation but Bucky did not spare a glance.
“Answer me!” Bucky’s voice grew nearly to a full scream, hysteria building up in his chest.
The intruder let out a broken laugh, glaring up at the super-soldier as he pulled on his jacket lapel to reveal an all-too-familiar symbol. “You know who sent me. They will never stop searching for you. It’s too bad I had to find her first, though. What a beautiful wife you have, Soldat.”
Bucky’s jaw clenched as he prepared to slam his fist into his face again, but his wrist was caught in midair. He whirled his head round to find Sam. “I called the police. Let me take him, Bucky. Y/N needs you. Now.”
The solemn look in Sam’s eyes caused Bucky to freeze, but eventually, he released the intruder before rushing to his wife’s side. His heart ached at the bruises forming on her face, and the stream of blood spilling from her nose. Y/N looked exhausted, her eyelids fluttering between consciousness and falling into darkness. But Bucky wouldn’t allow her to close her eyes. He couldn’t.
“Baby, you need to keep your eyes open for me.” Bucky’s voice was weak as he moved to lift her into his arms. But as his hand brushed against her stomach, the wet, sickeningly familiar warmth of blood stopped him. His gaze fell to find her entire abdomen covered in blood, soaking through her clothes and onto his hands. A gun lay a handful of feet away, evidence of what had happened before he had made it inside.
“H-He missed with the first few bullets, and got me with his last one.” Y/N let out a painful laugh as she looked up at Bucky. “He was a terrible shot.”
“How can you joke at a time like this?” The super soldier managed to breathe out, ripping off his t-shirt and trying to press down on her wound despite her wince. “He just shot you and you’re bleeding out on the kitchen floor!”
“I thought it would make it easier.” Y/N’s voice fell to a whisper, and Bucky’s eyes quickly flickered up to hers.
“Make it easier to say goodbye…”
Bucky’s head immediately began to shake, his throat beginning to grow thick with tears as he continues to press his shirt against her bullet wound.
“Don’t you dare start saying your goodbyes. We’re going to take you to the hospital and you are going to be just fine.”
“No!” Bucky snapped, his gaze focused on the blood that was beginning to soak up the fabric of his shirt. “Everything is going to be fine!”
“Baby, please….” Y/N’s voice was a heartbroken sob, and he finally pulled his gaze to meet hers, his eyes beginning to water. “I-I’m so sorry.”
The sounds of sirens began to ring in the air, but they did nothing to mask the cries that escaped Bucky’s lips as he cradled her broken body in his arms, his face pressed into her hair as he felt himself begin to fall apart.
“I-I’m sorry it has to be me before you, Bucky.” Y/N’s voice was weak, and he closed his eyes, tears dancing behind his eyelids as he knew her energy was beginning to fade away. He felt her hand grab his vibranium one, and his eyes opened as she pressed her lips against the top of his hand. “Y-You gave me forever in these few years, my love. And I-I’m so thankful for that.”
Bucky gently pulled away and cupped her face in his hand, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. “I love you. “
“I love you too. Forever.” Y/N’s lips trembled as she gazed up at the love of her life, beginning to crumble in front of her. “Can you do one more thing for me, baby?”
The sounds of emergency service workers in the building broke into the conversation, but all Bucky could focus on was his darling wife, his heart breaking as she began to lose her strength.
“What do you need, doll?”
“Kiss me.” She whimpered softly, and Bucky nodded slowly before leaning in and kissing her gently, savoring the taste of her lips against his for what most likely would be the last time. As he pulled away, the room was swarmed with EMTs, who urgently began to pull Y/N from his arms. Her eyes had fluttered shut, and all Bucky could do was pray as they pulled her out of the apartment and to the hospital.
Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N died at 6:45 pm after arriving at the hospital, despite several attempts to resuscitate her. Bucky and Sam had arrived not long after handing over the intruder to the police, urgently wanting updates on her condition. Sam had never seen grief as deep as Bucky’s when they were told Y/N had passed away. The super soldier had sunk to his knees, his body beginning to tremor as fresh tears washed over him again. Sam stayed with him, trying his hardest to hide his own tears as he coaxed Bucky off the ground and away from the hospital.
Bucky stayed with Sam until the funeral. He could barely pull himself out of bed to go, his sadness weighing him down. But Sam refused to let him miss it, practically pulling him out of bed and shoving his clothes at him. Although his grief would lessen with time, the regret for missing her funeral would stay with Bucky for the rest of his life.
The two of them went and sat quietly as the funeral progressed. Bucky could barely look at any of her family members, a pang of immense guilt sinking over him each time they pulled him into a tight embrace. Their daughter, sister, niece… had been murdered because people wanted to get to him. There was nothing that could be done to undo what had happened. Y/N would never come back.
As the guests attending began to leave, Bucky stood and approached where the casket had been lowered into the ground. He knelt beside it, his eyes swimming with tears as he gazed upon his bride, dead and now resting for good underneath the ground.
“It should’ve been me before you, my love. I am so sorry I failed you.”
With one last look, he stood up and walked towards the exit briskly, Sam following hot on his trail. “Where are going so fast?”
“To track down any and all of those monsters who are still out there.” He turned and look at Sam. “Are you with me?”
Sam looked at his friend silently, sadly, as he watched his pain begin to morph into anger. There was no doubt in his mind that HYDRA needed to pay for what had been done. But was this the right way? And was this the right time?
“I’m with you.” Sam finally answered, and Bucky nodded, glancing back towards the funeral before walking away.
A/N 2: I.... I have no regrets. Thanks for reading! <3
