I used to find solace only in your shadow, maybe because it let me hide from myself.
It was one of the only places I felt was safe from my own reflection.
I looked for you in every crowded space in hopes that your voice would overrun my thoughts.
I searched for everything but myself in your soul,
I wanted to spend forever there, discovering all that you were..
But even after finding everything I wanted, I still didn’t know myself..
And eventually you left, you left and I had to deal with the sun.
I had to learn my own voice and understand the cracks that it held like sidewalks leading to an abandoned home.
Vacant but still standing, I felt empty but my heart still beat on it’s own.
I learned that maybe my life didn’t have to revolve around others to have meaning.
I swept off the dust on the floors and cleaned the cabinets abandoned long ago.
I fixed the rotten doors and planted a garden of love that I tended to daily.
I put artwork on the walls,
Built up the courage to look at the mirrors,
And finally built a place that I call home inside of myself.
And sometimes,
Sometimes I still invite people in,
I still crave connection..
But I remember that I dont have to cling onto any else’s shadow to live.
I don’t have to hide who I am In order to be seen
I tell myself
That maybe one day, we can share this home
With someone who will stay
But for right now
we are ok
Alone.
- and there’s beauty in finding solace in yourself, you just have to know who you are first