As Norman spoke, Maddie sunk into the lumpy chair. Her eyes closing and a lump in her throat intensifying her need to cry. She didn’t want to not be friends either.. yet she couldn’t bring herself to say anything- all she could do was just sit and listen to him talk and let a pang of longing settle into her chest. A longing for what, though? She wasn’t sure.
His question caught her by surprise. Her eyes opened and she swallowed. “What? I mean.. why? That’s..” For someone who normally had no problem expressing things, she was certainly having a huge issue with words in that moment. “Fuck, Norman. Why would you even ask me that?”
Sure, Sean was attractive in some weird dumb puppy kind of way, and banter was usually foreplay in her books but.. She’d honestly never considered why she fed into Sean’s attention so much. Why she seemed to gravitate towards him. She gravitated towards both of them, but in such different ways.
She couldn’t say yes to his question, but she couldn’t say no either. Which made the pang in her chest crush down just a little bit. Why was Norman putting them both through this?
A few beats of silence passed, the phone now warm as it pressed against his cheek. “I don’t know,” he whispered at first, “I just thought that if you didn’t love me it was because you loved someone else, and… and then Sean came to mind.” He bit his lip a little, turned around so he could lean against the counter, then exhaled. “Listen, Mads, I know he likes you - more than likes you. He told me,” at this point, he felt their friendship was a lost cause. “He jokes all the time about how he’s gonna marry you some day and I… I-I don’t know, it just… I guess that…” He stopped, thought about it briefly, then continued. “I guess it just… gets to me?” The sentence left him like a question mark. “I would get it, though. He has muscles, he’s tall, he’s… he has a good sense of humor. All in all, he’s a pretty good guy. I hate to admit it, but he is.” Fuck, he felt really stupid for all the pathetic the shit that started vomiting from his mouth. He hadn’t a clue where the hell of this was coming from, only that he needed to let it out. He even chuckled very faintly, breathy; still, it was somber. “The truth is, Maddie, I’m sad. I feel hollow all the time. All my life I never really wanted to live. Every day I thought about ending it all. But then you came into the picture and everything sorta just… changed. Even if you don’t love me like that or if we don’t ever see each other again, I just wanted you to know that I love you regardless because you literally saved me. And even though I’m… really fucking sad right now, you’ve…” there was a sniff somewhere amidst his talking, “You’ve given me new perspective, I guess.I just need you to know that.” He exhaled shakily. “Okay?”
What the actual fuck? Sean had told Norman that he was going to marry her one day? Why would he do that? She’d never gave him even the slightest reason to believe it was possible so what the hell was Sean thinking? Letting out a thick breath, she added ‘have a go at Sean’ to her mental to-do list. She just hoped to fuck that Norman was the only one Sean ran off his mouth to about his imaginary future with her.
She couldn’t dwell on Sean though. Norman’s continued words drew Maddie right back into the moment between them, and she set her hostility towards Sean aside. Closing her eyes again, she took a slow, steadying breath. There was no way she could deny it now- she was crying. Heavy tears rolling down her cheeks. She’d always known Norman’s life was... wasn’t great. But to hear him say it. It was too much.
It was a lot of pressure to be the only reason someone was happy.
“Norman.” She swallowed again, hoping he couldn’t tell she was crying. “I don’t even know where to start with all the bullshit you’ve just sprouted.” Her tone was soft, it didn’t match her words. “But for one, I’ve never given Sean any reason to think I’d ever even be remotely interested in him at all. His weird future fantasy is all in his head. And frankly I’m surprised a smart guy like yourself couldn’t see he was full of shit.”
“And secondly...” She bit her lip, not sure what to address next. She wanted to give him all the reasons he had to be happy in his life but... School was shit for Norman. His home life was shit.. Swallowing thickly, she skipped straight to the hardest issue to broach. “And secondly. I never.. I didn’t say I didn’t love you.”