My Reason | K. Brekker

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You felt like crying.

Scratch that. You were going to cry.

You were going to cry and possibly throw something, anything. You wanted to grab a knife and chuck it at the wall repeatedly until there was a hole.

You wanted the wall to feel the same pain as you.

Like there was a hole in it.

Ironic.

Kaz Brekker, dirtyhands, the bastard of the barrel, shattered your heart. And he probably didn’t even know it or cared.

Kaz only cared, for one thing, money. You couldn’t blame him for that. Money was something necessary in Ketterdam. You needed money to stay alive and above the rest.

But money also puts a sign on your head. A big red blinking sign that probably says something like “big kill, big money.”

You weren’t stupid. You were very well aware of how big of a sign Kaz had on his head. Plenty of people wanted his head on a spike. You almost want to add yourself to the list.

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knock. bucky barnes

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"wait-- hey!" you bunched up the t-shirt in your hand, using it to cover yourself up as quickly as you could, twisting around before he could see much. "'christ, learn to knock!" you clung to the shirt in your hand even though there was no way he could see anything from this angle.

"i--uh--" he stuttered, his stunned eyes lingering on your bare shoulder where the blue-purple bruise covered your skin, trailing down to the stitched up wound curving around your stomach and back. he felt his breath hitch before coming to his senses. he pulled his stare away, eyebrows furrowing as he covered his eyes with his hand. "sorry, i didn't mean to--"

"yeah-- i'm sure you didn't mean anything-- creep," you snapped a little too harshly. caught vulnerable and in pain was not how you wanted to be perceived by anyone, least of all him. 

bucky rolled his eyes, scoffing at your comment. "oh my god-- i didn't come here to see you half naked-- trust me, that's the last thing i want to see," everything about you irritated him. you knew how to get on everyone of his last nerves, and he did the same to you. "tony wants to see you. god, next time he asks for a favour i'll learn to say no."

"oh-- just get out," you huffed, pulling your arms into the t-shirt a little more aggressively than you should've done in your state. you hissed, sparks of pain running down your shoulder and your side as you lifted your arms to slide on the shirt. you stopped yourself, gritted teeth as you took a deep breath.

bucky stopped himself from leaving, hearing your soft grumble of pain. he hesitated, thought about leaving you alone, but somehow couldn't bring himself to. 

sweat formed on your forehead, you took another deep breath before lifting your arms again, only getting half way this time before your body hurled over. you whimpered, letting the shirt slip to the ground, almost caving yourself before you felt two hands touch your hips. you eyes squeezed shut as you bit down on the inside of your cheek, letting your head falling on his shoulder as he crouched down to guide you back onto your bed. you felt yourself sway as you tried to remain upright, the two hands moved to your forearms, gripping tight. your eyebrows furrowed, eyes reopening to take in bucky crouched down in front of you.

"what’re y’doing?" your frown deepened as your eyes focused on his hands holding you upright.

"helping," he stated simply, huffing, watching you cringe when another shooting pain moved through your shoulder. "y'good?"

you pulled your arms out of his grip, looking him up and down as you did. "i'm fine," you grumbled. "and i didn't ask for your help."

he rolled his eyes again, holding his hands up as you pushed them away. "you want me to leave you then?" he frowned, eyes narrowing at you. he knew you were putting on a front, that you were feeling a lot more pain than you were letting on. but you were stubborn.

when you didn't say anything, he huffed and grabbed your shirt from the floor. on his knees in front of you, he pushed himself onto the balls of his feet. "c'mere," he mumbled and you leaned forward slightly as he guided your head through the hole of your t-shirt. your head popped through the other side of the fabric, your hair frizzy and tucked inside the t-shirt. he tried hard not to let his eyes wander down to where you sat in only your underwear. when he did for only a split second, he noticed the purple lesions covering your ribs and gulped down on the lump in his throat before moving back to your face.

'y'alright so far?" you just nodded, letting him move your limbs for you. "here-- give me your arm," his fingertips grazing your bare skin as you lifted your arm, letting him take hold and carefully position it into the sleeve and slip it through the other side.

he went to take hold of your bad arm, hesitating as he caught sight of the bruises covering pretty much the entire right side of your body. he gulped, and you looked up at him when he stopped. "what?" you quizzed, lifting your arm gently to meet where his hand was lingering in front of you. your eyes moved from his face, down to his hand and back up again, thinking something was wrong.

he shook his head. "you saw a medic when you got back yesterday?"

''course," you nodded. your forearm gently falling onto the palm of his left hand, a sting of coldness from the metal caused goosebumps to form on your skin. "why?"

he tightened his jaw before speaking. "jus' looks bad," his eyes moved to your discoloured skin so you'd know what he was talking about, as if you didn't already know.

"oh," you glanced down at the wound and scrunched up your nose for a second. "yeah, not one of my finest missions," you cringed thinking about how wrong everything had gone during your mission. "m'sure sam told you all about how i got my ass handed to me."

"'told me you took a beating," he shook his head softly. "didn't think it was this bad."

you hummed, teasing a forced smile. "jacked up super soldiers are no joke," your eyes moved away from his, unable to meet his stare any longer. you hand't really talked to anyone about the mission except for sam. "especially when it's like six on one."

"six?" bucky let out a low whistle, his eyebrows knitting together again. "christ, no wonder you got your ass handed to you," he noticed your lack of eye contact finally and took the hint. he gave your forearm a gentle squeeze. "i mean you can barely hold your own when we train, and i'm just one jacked up super soldier-- who goes easy on you."

he was teasing. you cracked a small genuine smile this time that you tried to disguise, rolling your eyes as you met his again. "so funny."

"i know," he hummed, disguising a small smile of his own. he carefully moved your wounded arm to the sleeve of your shirt, slowly pushing it through as you cringed, bottom lip caught between your teeth and groaning in pain. the sharp pain moved through your shoulder again and down your right side. you slumped forwards, your forehead falling against his shoulder, slipping down to his chest in a split second of weakness.

bucky didn't have to think twice, his hand moved to your head, fingers tangled in your hair and holding you in place for a second before you came to your sense and pulled away. your face ducked as your eyes welled with tears, willing them to go away as the pain washed through you. "y'ok?" he muttered, his hand reached around the back of your head and nudging you to tilt back so he could see you.

you eyebrows remained knitted, and your eyes watery no matter how hard you willed them to go away. your eyes hooded as you looked up at him, eyelids fluttering for a second when his fingers moved from your hair. you wouldn't admit it to him, or to anyone, but you were comforted in that moment when you needed it.

you nodded, moving your arm out of his grip and adjusting the t-shirt so it hung on you properly. you took a deep breath, following bucky as he stood back onto his feet, his hand finding your waist for a second to help you do so. you didn't tease him about it.

you cleared your throat, trying to ignore the goosebumps forming on your skin again from the cool metal. for the first time you felt like you were seeing bucky the way everyone else did, and more.

"uh--thanks-- buck," you muttered, taking a step back to give yourself some space to clear your head again. "for your help."

"s'no problem," he shrugged. he was finding it hard to pull away from you, in the end he had to force himself over to the doorway. "i'll let tony know you're on your way."

you hummed. "yeah," you nodded. "i'll be there in a minute."

"alright," he stepped back again, forcing himself back from you again. "see you around."

"hope so," you muttered but bucky caught it, he left your room with a small smile.

THISS IS PERFECT.

enchanted

I LOVEE THISSS I NEED ANOTHER LEMAR STORY I HAVE READ THIS LIKE 3 TIMES BRUH😭😭😩