wow.
2014's been full of things, both good and bad. but where fandoms are concerned, i think it's been a pretty bad year safe for vixx, infinite and teen top.
dropped out of the exo fandom because my top bias is gone, and so is my second bias. but boy was the first one a bastard for doing things the way he did. which explains how i went from being nuts over him to actually feeling quite disgusted with myself.
no prizes for guessing who's my top bias now.
then now it's bap. but i'm glad that they're sticking together as a group to get through this. and i hope with all my heart that these amazing guys get what they really deserve after all the hard work they've put in for the past few years.
also hoping with all of my heart that whatever's infecting the kpop scene doesn't touch vixx and infinite. because i don't think i can ever handle the heartbreak if anything happens to either one of these two groups.
sometimes i wonder why i put myself through this time and again. whoever said fangirls don't experience genuine heartbreak was obviously not a fangirl. it's like placing your heart under a meat tenderizer and hoping that it never falls. that's what being a fangirl and loving a group with all of your heart actually feels like 24/7. especially if you have an ultimate bias. boy oh boy, that heartache and feeling you get whenever you look at him and just wish that maybe, just maybe you'll be the lucky one who'll end up at his side as a life partner. then that heart wrenching feeling follows when your rational mind decides to remind you that he's probably in a whole different league.
really, i wonder why i place my heart out there for guys who don't even know i exist. when in reality, my walls are so high up, i actually admire those who don't get deterred by me pushing them away all the time.