i just woke up from a dream where i was being interrogated by a bunch of people asking me if “furbies are kosher” firstly…. im not jewish. secondly……..what the fuck
please stop sending me asks pertaining to the kosher status of furbies. i really do not know. this was just a manifestation of my subconscious. im assuming that they are not kosher because furbies aren’t even food. but who knows! ask a rabbi, if you must.
Jew here! Furbies are actually worse than unkosher–they are not permissible as food, even for gentiles. This is because the Torah teaches that it is forbidden for any human to eat the meat of an animal that is still alive, and the Furby cannot die.
hi this is the most ominous description of a furby i have ever heard
other jew here! bereshit 9:5 states: “But for your own life-blood I will require a reckoning: I will require it of every beast; of humankind, too, will I require a reckoning for human life, of everyone for each other!”
ibn ezra says: “AND SURELY YOUR BLOOD OF YOUR LIVES WILL I REQUIRE. I have permitted you to shed the blood of all living creatures. However, I have prohibited you the spilling of the blood of your lives because you are human. On the contrary, I will avenge that blood (edreshennu), as in For He that avengeth (doresh) blood (Ps. 9:13). Scripture first lays down a general rule, And surely your blood of your lives will I require, and then goes into detail and tells us whom God will punish for taking human life. AND AT THE HAND OF MAN. If many people kill one person or if one man kills another person (even at the hand of every man’s brother), I will avenge that death. I will also punish a beast that kills a man by having another animal kill it. *This explains, at the hand of every beast will I require it. Thus man is permitted to kill animals but animals are prohibited from killing humans. In my opinion it is farfetched to maintain that and surely your blood of your lives refers to suicide.”
this tells us that that g-d will punish the animal that kills a man with death. if the furby cannot die, then it cannot be punished thusly. therefore, we must assume that the furby is not an animal at all. so in order to determine whether or not eating a furby is kosher, we must first determine how to classify it.
a furby is, as discussed above, not an animal. and as it is not a human (although the edibility of man under jewish dietary laws is both fascinating and hilarious to discuss/read other people discussing), nor a vegetable (vegetables being the edible part of plants and plants being organisms that absorb water and nutrients through roots, which furbies do not have), it must therefore be a mineral.
thus, the actual question boils down to “is it kosher to eat rocks?”
thus, the actual
question boils down to “is it
kosher to eat rocks?”
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
