C.SB - i’m just, ugh it’s stupid
blurb - your boyfriend soobin has been acting differently which is worrying you. your normal shy, introverted boyfriend is trying, keyword: trying, to act hard and assertive like all the male leads in your kdrama’s. what will you do?
warning -angst but turns into fluff, insecure!soobin x reader, swearing, mentions of lia from itzy
sitting in front of your mirror, you’re day dreaming about your date with soobin. choi soobin, the best boyfriend in the world. you’ve been dating for over a year now and you couldn’t be happier. you love everything about him, especially since his cute shyness. he’s one of the biggest introverts you know!
giggling to yourself at the thought you finally finish getting ready, just in time for your doorbell to go.
excitedly running to the door and opening it you yell
“soob! i miss-” cutting yourself off noticing he’s not in his usual attire, pastel baggy jumpers and loose fitting jeans with a beat up pair of converse, which is also how you designed your attire to match up with. you give him a once over taking in his new appearance: black skinny jeans, with a plain black shirt tucked into it and a leather jacket on top. sitting atop of his newly dyed hair, cute blonde now turned black, was also a black beanie. to top everything off he’s not wearing his normal floral scent, kind of smelling like faint dior savage?
since when did he own anything coloured black?
with a small pout you finish your sentence “i missed you!” yet less enthusiastic than it was ment to be.
soobin notices this almost immediately, is something wrong? is he not looking masculine enough? does he still smell like his old floral cologne?
a little back story to why soobin was questioning these things is because he, accidentally he honestly didn’t mean too, overheard your call with your friend. not realising though you were talking about a kdrama character.
“i know right lia! he’s so hot, especially dressed in all black, any man in full black is one of the hottest things in earth!”
when soobin heard this he frowned, you never called him hot. always just adorable or cute never hot. he didn’t even own anything black, not even his converse were black, they were tinted pastel pink.
feeling guilty he was listening to your private phone call he couldn’t help it
“wonder what he smells like, maybe like dior savage for men, i love that smell on anyone oh my god! and i bet he’s dominating, like imagine being in a bar and all he has in focus on is his arm around your waist making sure your safe and death staring any one who’s looking at you or someone bumps into you and he can’t help but cuss them out.”
heart breaking, soobin looks at his clothes, with his floral cologne on. he thought you liked the smell of flowers and his pink jumpers, you steal them enough to make him think so. and you always claimed his most charming feature was his shyness. was it all a lie?
anyways back to the present. soobin leans in and grabs your hips to kiss you. you let out a confused sound yet melt into the kiss.
babe? he’s never called you babe? it’s always darling, sweetie or princess!
he holds your hand and leads you to the car door opening it for you, that’s not new he always does it. yet today he didn’t do a fake accent saying “you may enter m’lady”. another pout slowly forming.
soobin starts to drive, going past all your usual date places, confusion written all over your face. that confusion doubling when you enter a club. soobin hates clubs, he hates anything loud and noisy. it hurts his ears and all the people make him panic and feel claustrophobic.
walking into the club you have a death grip on soobin. not only does he hate them, you hate them too yet you don’t want to tell soobin since he seemed to have planned this whole night out.
undoing your grip on his hand, he slides his arm to wrap round your body, he normally opts to hold your hand, saying it makes him feel warm. what is he doing?
a man had accidentally bumped into you mumbling a quick apology makes soobin say something you never thought would say “what a fucking dick! can’t he see where he’s going? what the fuck!” a surprised gasp leaves your mouth, what’s going on with him?!
going up to the bar feeling uncomfortable with the whole atmosphere you order a glass of water, you don’t dislike beer you just don’t want to get drunk in an unfamiliar place. soobin on the other hand turns to the bar keeper and says “i’ll have a beer!” not even a please, he always uses please and thank you?
“soobin! your driving! you shouldn’t be drinking!”
not used to you calling him soobin, it’s always soob or bin, he loves when you call him binnie though, slightly makes him falter and his next words come out as a slight stutter
“w-who cares about that!”
that’s it, you’ve lost it. “choi soobin what the hell is wrong with you today?! you’re acting so weird! you know what i’m going home get drunk and drive and end up arrested. do whatever. don’t message me till i have my soob back.”
and with that you walk out. frozen in his spot he looks at his shoes, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “i thought this is what she liked?”
panic settling in he looks around and noticing you’re really gone, and his claustrophobia creeping up on him he rushes out to his car, dropping the money for the water and unopened beer.
whilst walking home you can’t help but ignore your phone, knowing it’s soobin. you don’t want to talk to him at the moment, everything’s too much for you, he knew you hated clubs yet brought you to one anyways. in his defence you should’ve told him you didn’t want to be there but you know how hard he normally works on for dates.
finally reaching home you see a car out front knowing its soobins yet you can’t see him inside, turning your head you see him sitting on your patio with your favourite flowers in his hand, jacket and beanie thrown on the floor in what seemed like a small tantrum way.
hearing small hiccups and sniffles as you grow closer, heart clenching at your precious soob crying you gently walk up and drop to your knees in front of him
“soob? come on let’s go inside you’ll get cold.”
gently grabbing his hand, jacket and beanie whilst he grabs the flowers. he stands to his feet and whispering out “your favourite, i’m sorry” he says something else yet you can’t hear it just gently smiling at him and wiping his tears.
you unlock the door and bring him inside, going to your room and grabbing soobins clothes he left at your house. soobin looks at you giving him his clothes panicking thinking this is your silent way of breaking up with him, you say
“here get changed into something more comfy, i know how much you hate skinny jeans”
he walks to the bathroom to get changed, mind racing like crazy with thoughts:
“i thought she liked that kind of stuff? that’s what she said”
“is she going to break up with me, am i really not that good at being masculine?”
“did i just make a fool of myself?”
“god sake soobin you’re so stupid, she’s going to break up with you because you can’t even act what ever the fuck manly is?! stupid social construct that everyone views as normal”
walking out after getting changed he sees you in the kitchen makings his favourite tea, tearing up at how you can be so kind when he made a complete fool of himself.
turning around, seeing him in his usual attire, but in joggers this time to make him even more comfy, you can’t help but smile
he can’t help it. he starts crying whilst walking towards you for a hug.
“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry! please don’t leave me i tried okay! i really tried!”
confused and hurt on why he would even think like this you say “binnie what’s wrong? why do you think i’m going to leave you? what’s going on tonight? what did you try?”
“i heard you talking to your friend, on accident i promise i just couldn’t help it! i’m just, ugh it’s stupid. i heard you say about finding a man in black hot or when they smell like dior and i thought that’s what’s you wanted and i got insecure thinking you’d leave me for him! so i tried but i obviously failed, but i’ll try harder! let me stay with you please!”
shattered, that’s what your heart felt. how could you be so dumb
“oh soob it’s not stupid! it’s sweet you tried but i love you for who you are! me and lia were talking about a kdrama character! that doesn’t reflect my taste at all! i love your pastel clothes! and your floral cologne it smells so nice and makes me feel safe. i’m so sorry i made you feel this way but please speak to me about it, i want to know if i’ve said something that hurt you so i can stop and pamper you to make sure you know i love you, and only you. i know you hate clubs and i know you hated all those people and i hate it too so please don’t change not even for me especially since i love you the way you are.”
looking down at you since he’s 6’1 and towering over you, you can see all the worry drain away.
dragging him towards the sofa so you two can cuddle you continue:
“i love your bread cheeks” and you kiss them to show “i love how you look in any hair colour, i will miss your blonde hair but if you’re happy that’s fine” running your fingers through it. “i love your heart shaped lips that form a pout when your confused” leaving a peck on them to show it.
“i’m just, ugh it’s stupid how much i love you for you.” repeating his earlier words making him smile and bury his head in your neck
“i love you so much yn, i’m sorry about tonight, i don’t know what overcame me to do that. i should’ve spoken about it with you and not jumped to conclusions. but thank you for showing how loved i am.”
smiling softly and playing with his hair and say
“is my soob back now? my precious shy, introvert who’s the most adorable, cuddly” and for the last part you lean in to whisper in his ears “and the most extremely hot boyfriend ever?!”
soobin cant help but burst out laughing, moving his hands to cover his face
“god you’re never letting me live this down are you”
“nope i’m 100% going to tell our futures kids this as well”
and with that you guys always make sure to tell each other your worries and concerns, making sure you both feel loved every moment of the way.
i don’t know how i feel about this one, sorry if it’s not as good!
