Part 5 of You can’t bench me!

I don’t want to procrastinate but the parasites in me want to procrastinate.

Y’all are not ready for the next update…im not ready for the next update… my art skill gives me far too much power…

Also shout out to @kitkat-4772 for guessing correctly in the last post!! Remember to keep your silence about the next update or else :)

Context:

Spoiler,Red Robin, and Robin are all thinking of every single time they snuck out to fight crime, got caught, and were lectured within an inch of their lives. They all expect Phantom to experience their pain. Robin thinks Phantom is a dumbass for not just lying about the project being done. Batman is soooooo ready to have one of his kids experience the torment of trying to get an overly competent vigilante child to do anything they don’t want to, especially not to parole for the night. Let one of little terrors see how hard it is to parent and get a taste of their own medicine.

But Surprise! Red Hood is pretty good at this parenting thing, the peanut gallery is in utter shock.

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Phantom: *in tears* can I get sprinkles too?

Red Hood: anything you want starshine, I know you’re trying your best and just need a break

Batkids: how come WE never got ice cream?????(or sorbet for the vegan )

Batman:*deep sigh*

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Batman: i’m not getting a good grade in parenting. Something that is normal to want and possible to achieve

Red Hood: As always i’m a straight A student

Origin | part 4 | part 6

Me to Jason Todd's A+ parenting: 🛐

emojis are dead eyed and soulless yet their only purpose is to convey emotion. how did people fuck this up so badly??

google's old emoji blobs had soul. but they were killed for it :(

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

English added by me :)

ur so right though

please please please please reblog if you’re a writer and have at some point felt like your writing is getting worse. I need to know if I’m the only one who’s struggling with these thoughts

This felt like deciding to let Jason live or die all over again, only that we don't know what/whichever we're voting for...

Danny on the phone: I messed up bad!

Tim on the phone : What's wrong, sweetie?

Danny: You know how I work at a bank? A bank with a three level lock vault meaning it has a clock which I set the time to have it open?

Tim: Yeah?

Danny: I accidentally put too much time on the clock and now it's LOCK FOR A WEEK

Tim: It's okay. It's a mistake. Is there someone who can open the vault for-

Danny: I strapped dynamite to the door. I'm getting it open.

Tim: DANNY NO!

Eh?

Danny is a technical wiz and can go intangible and invisible. He can get inside the vault and use the safety release button to open it.

Yes but then he won't be able to make something go boom and he likes the boom.

Understandable. Have a good day

....Do I even need to say anything-

God bless alferd pennyworth he has to deal with a bratty princess of a son.

And Bruce says Damian gets it from Talia. Sure buddy.

1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3, 4 This is the new song we sing for birthdays Bouncy and merry and not quite as scary

The new birthday song!

12 am brain rot

Can...

Can I get an AU where Talia, Danny and Bruce dated each other and later break up? Maybe have them meet when Bruce is in Batman training years and its a whirlwind romance between the three. Like we know how Bruce and Talia are together as exes (both a little toxic to each other, a love hate kinda thing and yet still have something) BUT Danny is the ex they always are sweet for, like he is the one they love flirting with when they see him (Talia more so regardless where and when, Bruce can only openly flirt as Bruce/Brucie, he has to be sneaky when Batman)

I want Talia and Bruce both trying to one up each other for Danny's attention. They know he's Phantom btw, and his human side as well. They however don't know he's also the Ghost King (in training at the time) Danny keeps forgetting to mention it.

Oh, oh. Let's have the Batfam find out due to a cult summoning, like someone in the League is trying to usurp Talia's rule (I want LOA leader Talia) and Damian is taken by them (which means Talia, Bruce, and the Batfam are coming to save him) and they try summoning the Ghost King to try to offer Damian as a sacrifice for power in order to take over the League.

Both Bruce and Talia weren't expecting to see their ex appear in a swirl of stars, aurora lights, and galaxies with a crown to match, a cape that looked like it had a cosmos swirling, and a Kingly outfit though.

(Or if we wanna make it extra funny, why not have them both had dated Danny at different times, and didn't know they are all exes to each other until Danny goes "DANNY!" "Talia? Bruce? What are you both doing here?" "Wait you know him/her? How?" "....Yes? And well...I dated them...")

😯I didn't know I needed this in my life! Can you imagine what Selena would do when she finds out?! I can see her trying to steal Danny from them. And Danny would be totally oblivious of it all. (A combination of inheriting his dad's oblivousness and him still having insecurities from when he was in high school.)

OMG YES.

Danny gaining Jack's obliviousness is gold (and yeah insecurities from high school no doubt)

Selena only flirted at first cause she wanted to annoy and tease both Talia and Bruce but does actually start catching feelings when she's charmed by him being well himself. She can now totally see why Bruce and Talia still have feelings for him, she get its.

To add in extra fire, what if the reason why Talia kept Damian from Bruce for so long is because she didn’t know if Bruce was the father or Danny? And to tie in Selina, she had a daughter named Helena in canon, what if that’s another situation where she doesn’t know which one is the dad?

Bruce and Talia were the ones to break up with Danny. They felt like their life was too dangerous and complicated for a relationship. So while they loved him and he was the sweetest boyfriend, they couldn’t bare putting him in danger, especially when they knew he would risk his life for theirs.

This is why they still have feelings for him.

YES all of this.

Which when they find out he's the freaking Ghost King even better! Also

I can just imagine Constantine staring in horror and disbelief before looking at Batman and going

"You have no right to judge my dating history now bloody arsehole, you dated the BLOODY GHOST KING OF THE INFINITE REALMS!"

Batman proceeds to pull out an old photograph from his belt… it shows the twenty-something version of Danny as a young boy with a look that just screams "pamper me."

Bruce and Talia breaking up with Danny would add to his insecurities that he still have, though the insecurities has lessen over the years, but it's still there. No matter how much the two would explained that the problem was them, Danny's mind would twist it that HE was the problem. He would be so much hurt and broken hearted but he'll move on. And finally start on focusing on himself, making himself better and stronger until he can finally found the other half that he deserve.

This would be funnier if Danny found a lover who both Talia and Bruce thinks way bellow Danny's league.

Add salt to the wound. Make Danny start dating John Constantine cuz John makes sure Danny knows his worth and all of that

DP x DC Prompt #16

When Hal had asked him which town he protected, Danny was more than happy to tell him, "Amity Park!" When Hal asked Danny where it was, Danny hadn't thought the response, "At this moment? Or where it was last week?" would've caused such chaos in the meeting.

Danny knew not everyone's town traveled across the country, but he didn't think it was odd enough to warrant this kind of reaction.

Amity residents being excited when they get a few days of really nice weather because the city's someplace tropical this week and disappointed when they're in Alaska the next.

Also someone making the mistake of leaving the city for some sightseeing or to go shopping and not getting back in time and the darn city left without you. They just wanted to visit a farmer's market and get some fresh food and now they're stranded in the middle of Maine and Amity's all the way in Nevada.

Teachers planning an "improptu" field trip to whatever museums or interesting sites are nearby and waiting until the town changes locations and going on the first day at the location, since no one wants a repeat of the incident where a short trip to the Smithsonian turned into a very long return trip to Amity, when the city decided to move itself from Virginia to Idaho.

And of course in the time it takes to drive all the way there in a school bus full of unruly teenagers the city decided to move to Florida. Then on the way back east they decided to stop for a few days to see if Amity would move closer. It did not. Then they started driving again only for the highway to change from the interstate they were supposed to be on to the road leading in to Amity. The parents were very not happy about that. Neither were the kids. Or Mr Lancer and that poor bus driver.

Now they need to bring money, camping equipment, and several changes of clothes for any field trips. On the bright side gas isn't an issue since the fentons suped up the school busses. And it can even convert into a shelter with more room at night and enough beds for everyone. Or a good enough bunker to survive an alien invasion. Which it has had to do during a particularly memorable experience during what was supposed to be a field trip to Metropolis.

Jason using his guns as blunt weapons is so funny like imagine ur getting shot at by the Red Hood, he runs out of ammo, you think you have a chance and he just throws the fucking pistol at you

The best part of Jason's fighting style at all ages is that it's just so fucking practical?? Like, look at the rest of the non-powered batboys:

Then Jason comes in like:

This is how you take over Crime Alley in under a year, kids.

REBLOG IF YOU HAVE STRETCHMARKS

This way people can see they’re not alone. I have them and this would help me see that.

OP also turned off reblogs for this but it has to be said