HIM REFUSING TO WORK WITH A DIALECT COACH IS SO FUCKING FUNNY I LOVE THIS MAN HE’S INSANE

EeeYYEEENT GONTAKETHEBLAYME

via christianmhull

One night I woke up and got almost convinced that the day before never existed because of a man and it’s still fuck me up sometimes

The story takes place in summer. A friend drove 5h to come to see me (which was very sexy of him) and we spent the whole day together. We had a blast but damn I was exhausted af and so was he so we went to bed, sharing the same bed and I quickly fall asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, finding the bed empty and cold. I’m alone in the room. It’s past midnight. I’m lost and confused because I spent the whole month dissociating really hard so maybe it was all fake, I imagined everything and in reality I’m lonely and this was nothing but a dream.

But no.

He was just too hot because it was 40° and went on the couch in the living room. We moved the fan to the bedroom and ended up falling asleep. To this day he’s still ashamed to make me panicked that night. :’)

He knows no rest

You’re… not dating???? ಠ_ಠ

Could’ve fooled me

You know a lot of people meeting us are convinced we are dating because we are both softies who love to hold hands and hug and I give a LOT of petnames (like kitten, baby, sugar, etc..). Even on discord when we are in vocal, new people are sure we are dating like a guy once apologized to me because he didn’t want me to think he was trying to hit on my man lol

Also we are in a group of 4 people and we are the only mlm so I end up drawing us as a couple often whenever I hear a gay couple describing each other funnily.

(Translation: “My lover is an antiquity, I found him in a flea market.”

Did I ever mention he’s almost 2m tall and he’s the softest man I ever met when it’s about to hold kitten in his hands??? You need to know that. I’m 170cm and I feel small next to him

Great news! Now his own friends are asking him if we are secretly dating!

Friends to lovers, slow burn, 50k

Where’s the fic now!!!

He forgot his sweater at my place and now it’s mine. Finder’s keeper, bitch.

I have never shipped a couple so hard YOU BETTER KEEP US UPDATED

Oh well, then here: We’re going on vacations this summer!! None of our friends asked for our opinions for the bedrooms and they decided that they will all get simple bedroom while we will get the double one.

My hypnotherapist refers to him as “My husband” and one of my tattoo artists calls him “my boyfriend”

My life is getting my friends assigned as my lovers.

I have, for once, been assigned as the boyfriend!!

My doctor got very into our romance and asked if he was moving with me. Got disappointed when I said no. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that we aren’t dating.

He’s currently sleeping at my place and sleep talked few nights ago, shoved my teddy bear in my arms while saying “Get it, Pedro, you’ll need it.”

He doesn’t know any Pedro. None of my names are Pedro.

Okay here’s the list of everything we got

For him:

For me:

But why are you “bad company” by his mom

Because he bought a shirt with skulls and stuffs like that on it while he’s usually a very plain clothes guy, his mom is saying I’m bad company because I’m influencing him in the wrong way

And I love being seen as bad influence or bad company because I’m clearly not haha

@annoyedlord

You ever consider dating? (Is it like a QPR? Or yall just vibing.

We eventually talked about dating, but I’m absolutely not interested in being in a romantic relationship and it’s the same for him. We are very happy with our current relationship, we are excellent friends vibing together, we just find it hilarious that people see us as a couple!

UPDATE HIS MOM CALLED ME HIS BOYFRIEND ?????????

Can we have context please? How did the word Boyfriend come up?

He was talking to his mom about his vacations here because he left earlier today and is home, and his mom mentioned me using the term “boyfriend”

We don’t know if she meant your boy friend or your boyfriend, regardless, my friend didn’t ask anything and went with the flow.

Alright now he knows you’re all shipping us and he enjoys it

You know what I forgot he actually has tumblr and read this damn post along with your answers.

I love how half of the reblogs/tags/notes is like “GUYS JUST DATE??” and the other half is like “So great to see some close make friends!!”

We can be your guys being dudes or your slow burn ship, we’re multitasks.

Awwwww!!!! This is adorable. How long have y’all been secretly da-.. I mean friends?

You want the secret backstory? I’m gonna give you the secret backstory.

We met over three years ago on Facebook. He was a friend of a friend (let’s call that mutual friend D. and I’m gonna talk about that one friend you all ship me with as F.) and somehow we ended up replying to D.’s comment. Now it’s common knowledge that Im a very smooth talker with my friends when I really like them, so I was already jokingly flirting with D. when F. joined. We flirted back at each others because it was fun, and then we all asked each other in marriage and did very bad montages of happy polycule/constellation couple except we all photoshopped our heads on theirs. F. and I added each other but didn’t talk much until M/nster Prom came out: D. made a group conversation where he added F., another friend in common and me. Starting from that we played SO MUCH together and all bonded very damn well. The twist is that F. and myself are the only male loving male out of the group, D. being a poly-het and our other friend (L.) being a bisexual woman. While we do all act like a 4 people QPR polycule/constellation, sweet talking to each other, giving pet names, holding hands etc, F. and I are *very* close and he came home multiple times (he slept home like... at least 1 week per month for the last five months?), we are always together and share bed very often if needed considering we don’t mind sleeping together since we respect each other boundaries. (I mean aside of calling me Pedro in his sleep and shoving my plush in my arms, he never did bad to me and uh, worst case I’ll drool on him.) We often joke about actually getting married but I’ll lost a lot of disabled related help if we do so, sorry, no fake wedding unless we find a solution.

TL;dr: I met him on Facebook 3 years ago and made a fake poly marriage with another friend and now he’s very dear to me. Thanks to how poorly made laws are for disabled people we can’t even give you a fake wedding ending even if we thought about it as a joke.

He first drove 5 hours to come to see me so now this time it’s my turn to drive 5 hours to go to see him.

Alright.

We are not dating because I can’t handle the idea of being in a relationship and he’s respecting it so we decide to be something on our own terms.

But.

We are boyfriends.

Here for these who asked for a pic of us

Sorry, I need to issue a correction here, you’ve got droopy negative sign wrong, it’s actually gun.

It’s actually gun!

You forgot this bad boy - 

“Your Lyft driver saying pi = 4″

Ah yes

Every day I hear the crows outside my window.  Still never seen one.

you know some people on this site took the whole ‘trans men are men’ a bit too far with the whole ‘trans men are so gross eww just like cis men’ thing

on the first day of classes professors will usually ask us to fill out a little notecard with our name, pronouns, major, and email. one dude in one of my history classes was very clearly one of those Anti-SJW Bullshit People and went “Uhhh pronouns? Ha, what’s that supposed to mean? I’m clearly a dude I don’t understand what you’re asking” and the professor just looked him in the eye and went “If you don’t know what a pronoun is then maybe a college level course isn’t for you” and i think about her every single day of my life

Surprise triplets 😂

I can’t decide what’s funnier, if this was a genuine candid photo of the father’s shock, or if he was an excellent sport and was like “hey folks, know what would be hilarious…”

“Yknow, Ted, the guys at the bar are gonna wanna know what it was.”

“Bring the photo! It’ll be funnier if you bring the photo.”

“Medical professional having to deal with an unruly patient trying to take off their mask”

(via)

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it a thousand more times: No piece of dystopian fiction has ever been a prediction of the future. They are observations and criticisms of the present. 

NICOLO “KNIFE” DI GENOVA

Oh to be, oh to be, oh to be!

modern witcher au where geralt is still a witcher and yennefer is still a sorceress

but jaskier is a magician. yenn and geralt have NO IDEA how he does magic. they know it’s not real. they know there’s a trick. but they can’t figure it out and it pisses them off

jaskier: is this your card?

yennefer: how the fuck did you do that? you HAVE to be using magic

geralt, clutching his medallion: he’s?? not??

i know the implication here is jaskier is a good magician. like… penn and teller-type magician

but all i can see in my head is him doing this:

this is exactly what i meant

The funny thing is that these idiots think we’re encouraging people to never visit a doctor and then get HRT from completely random online pharmacies forever, when the entire way self-medication is actually discussed in the community is as a stopgap measure for delays or failures of the official healthcare system, as something to try to eventually replace with an official prescription, and like over half of the discussion is taken up by talking about which pharmacies actually are reliable and won’t scam you with sugar pills. sugar pills you idiots, not fucking ketamine, scammers want you to be giving them money for a while, not poison you for funsies, which is why the scam pharmacies we warn each other against constantly are more likely to be placebo vendors than literal internet poisoners.

like, there’s actually some pretty Pure Ideology at work here in terms of people promoting ideas that show a complete misunderstanding of how criminals operate. the view of the scumbag internet pharmacy scammer seems to be that of a figure who does evil for the sake of doing evil, like they’re going to be running a literal poison vendor on the clearweb and selling you poison for no good reason besides just like, some completely irrational commitment to acting evilly for no reason, and in fact it feels almost like they just transposed the image of the shady, evil-for-no-reason drug dealer from drug war propaganda into this figure! like, i’m sure part of the basis for this panic is the very real news of adulteration of recreational drugs, such as dealers who put fentanyl in heroin, or the selling of 25I-NBOMe under the label of LSD, but what all these dangerous scams have in common is that a customer might walk away with the adulterated drug, get high, experience similar effects to taking the real product, and then come back for more, with the danger being that some customers might just fucking die or have a bad experience with the false or adulterated drug, but that’s not the goal in and of itself, the goal is to make the person you’re scamming think what you’re selling them is legit and keep buying from you. transposing the adulterated drug logic to HRT vendors is not going to net you “they’re putting ketamine in the HRT”, it’s going to net you “these are sugar pills branded as estradiol that will take you months to realize don’t actually do anything”, since the effects of HRT take a while to manifest and in that time you might be thinking what you’re taking is legitimate and buy more of it, and will have already given a bunch of money to the scammer by the time you realize you’ve been tricked. and i think what this all comes down is, like i said before, suburban white middle class americans legitimately not understanding how criminals act and why they act in one way or another. if you’re running a scam your goal is to make money, not to murder a whole shitload of people, and while sellers of adulterated recreational drugs might not care if you die from them, they would prefer it if you were tricked for a long enough time as to buy from them multiple times, so selling 25I-NBOMe as LSD, selling fentanyl in heroin, increasing the volume of cocaine by mixing in chalk (is that even a real thing btw), these all provide a falsely-advertised product that a customer can walk away with thinking “i bought the real thing, im gonna buy more”. putting fucking poisons in estradiol tablets means somebody will very likely immediately realize you’re tricking them, by means of getting poisoned, whereas if you just sell your customers placebos they’ll take a while before realizing the scam, that way you make more money, because that’s what scammers want, money, not to just do evil for the sake of doing evil like in some drug war propaganda video of evil drug dealers that they show to kids.

that’s why what trans women warn each other about when it comes to disreputable hrt vendors online is… placebo sellers, or pharmacies that just never ship your order, because the real risk has never been that we’ll get sold arsenic labelled “estradiol valerate”, it’s that they’ll take our money and fuck us over, and we discuss these things among each other because we’re not fucking dupes who are too dumb to understand the concept of “there’s scammers on the internet”.

Sportscaster Dale Hansen defends student wrestler Mack Beggs and takes a stand against transphobia

this man just CHECKED™ his privilege im living

this is what i mean when i say “actually tolerance isn’t all that bad” this guy says several times that he doesn’t understand and even is uncomfortable, but that that isn’t what matters. imo, that’s how tolerance works.

true tolerance is, “i don’t have to understand, because you don’t need my permission to live. my job as a member of your community is to have your back, whether i understand your situation or not.”

I’m going to keep reblogging this forever, because it is such an excellent, clear example of how to approach this stuff from outside.

one of my friends (21, male, homosexual) is EXTREMELY into very ugly interior design like this and it drives me absolutely crazy

(like this is almost exactly what his student room looks like) it's so hilarious to me .... literally the only person who would see this and would go 🤩 this is amazing yes i will pay €100 to buy this 'austrian breakfast corner' from a 85 year old lady

also he is black and has a 'dutch white woman' alter ego on facebook where he is in SEVERAL facebook groups for moms who like to share 'funny photos' and sometimes he shares his own funny photos and reacts to other peoples funny photos with his (dutch white woman) bitmoji and it's absolutely insane its so fucking funny..... this man........ im obsessed........