“Father,” she said. He leapt nearly straight into the air at the sound and whipped back, clearly not having heard her come in.
“Maker’s sake, you could have knocked!” he gasped, a hand lain to his chest.
“I’d say the same for you,” she said, her rebellion tossing out the taunt before it had to be shut down entirely.
Her father snickered a moment and raised a glass at that, “Fair enough. Here.” Quickly he filled a second glass up to the brim with an amber liquid, probably rum. While most nobility scoffed at the pirate drink, it seemed to become her father’s favorite.
It was to Rosie he passed the filled glass, his eyes darting over the liquor sloshing into her surprised fingers. “Drink first,” he jerked his head to his own glass that was probably on its second refill. She stared deep into the dark honey swirls, struggling to find an opening. What could she say? What excuse could possibly exist to explain away that?
The King finished taking a long drink and wiped off his mouth. With his back turned to her, he sighed, “Out of all of you, I always thought Cailan would be the one I’d walk in on.” A laugh shook his shoulders and he dipped his head down, “I love him, but that kid is…as subtle as a cat in heat really.”
Tipping her head back, Rosie let half of the glass burn its way down her throat. When it struck her stomach the butterflies exploded into angry hornets, each one ricocheting up her chest. They stung into her heart, causing Rosie to wince as she stared at her father’s back. How many times had she sat upon those shoulders or stacked pillows upon it to make a fort out of him? How much of her silly, childhood creations did he have as keepsakes in his personal study?
She knew he loved her, adored her the way fathers are supposed to love their children.
How much of that did she destroy without a thought?
“I’m…” Rosie began, the tears warbling in her throat, “you weren’t supposed to see that.”
“I’d certainly hope so,” Alistair gasped, finally turning around. His hair was yanked straight up and the knotted bits on his shoulders were both undone as if he tried to pluck himself as far from the crown as possible.
“Dad,” she should apologize, insist it was a moment of frippery, nothing more. That it would never occur again. Rosie tried to open her mouth, to get any of it out, but all those hornets clogged inside her throat. “I’m sorry,” her heart broke in two, tears sliding off her cheeks. One landed inside the glass, the amber liquid quaking in her grip.
This wasn’t how a princess behaved. She couldn’t cry all over an Arl or Teyrn. She had to be strong, and unbendable. With all the pathetic strength inside of her, Rosamund lifted her head to face her father. He may have been startled by her tears, she could barely see him through the rain.
“I’m sorry for disappointing you.”
“Oh,” he placed his glass down and dashed towards her. Strong arms that’d helped her fight off dozens of imaginary foes wrapped tight around her, “Oh Spuddy, no.” Her dad squeezed tight as he repeated, “No, no. Don’t be silly. You’ve done nothing of the kind.”
“But I…” she gasped in shock. Did he not understand? Maybe he thought Anjali was not a woman. That seemed a reach but it was possible.
“It was awkward, and on me. I’ll admit to that one. You damn kids, you keep growing up and reminding me I’m old,” her dad was babbling but he refused to stop hugging her tight. “Spud,” he drifted back a step, those oaky and safe eyes darting down to hers. “You can’t disappoint me. Not with…not with something like that. Putting your brother in a pickle barrel and nailing the lid on, now that’s a disappointment. And a very long punishment.”
She snorted at the memory, tears leaking from her eyes. Slowly, her dad released his grip to try and pull back her hair and wipe away her crying. “I thought, I didn’t want to-to ruin things by being…”
“Who you are?” he laughed a bit, tears stinging in his eyes at the foolishness. “Oh kid, come here,” her dad said as if he wasn’t in full control by wrapping his arms back around her. “I love you, you know. It’s why I’m such a pain in the ass when you do things that might get your butt in trouble. And I am so proud of you.”
All her life her father was huge. He was King, he was a great war hero, he was a pair of legs that’d stomp around while his kids hung on for dear life. As she came to study politics, to understand the crown to be placed upon her head, watched her father fumble with matters, he began to shrink. To become ordinary.
Now…her heart swelled with pride to think she’d not disappointed this gargantuan of a man. That he loved her even if she couldn’t be the perfect Queen everyone hoped for.
“I love you too, Dad,” Rosie gasped burying her face, mottled by tears, against his chest. He let her stay there, wetting his good doublet with salt water, while he slowly bobbed back and forth to his own song. It took her some time to slow the throbbing in her heart, each hornet slowly metamorphasizing into a beautiful lunarmoth.