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soft chameleon

@sungmee / sungmee.tumblr.com

claire/cecil. artist, musical enthusiast, asian of chaos (they/them)
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bonnie131313

A little over 8 years ago, a friend of mine, L (name redacted) was hit by her scum-bucket boyfriend.  It wasn’t the first time he’d hit her, but it was the first time he’d hit her in front of her best friend J. (name also redacted.)  J objected to the abuse, you might say she objected violently to the abuse (which is one of the reasons why the names are redacted even if the statute of limitations should be up.)

After scum-bucket had fled the scene, J decided that L needed some more support, so she called every women she knew.  Everyone available showed up to L’s apartment with weapons and booze.  Imagine if you will, around 30 women stuffed into a one-bedroom apartment comforting L and passing around the drinks when someone spots scum-bucket’s car pulling into the parking lot.

It was decided that a few ladies would stay in the apartment with L while the rest of us when downstairs to confront scum-bucket and prevent him from entering the building.

Now all of us ladies at that time happened to belong to the same theater group that specialized in swashbuckling plays, lots of sword fights and the like.  So, when I say we brought weapons, I mean we brought things like broadswords, battleaxes, crossbows, rapiers and like.

So, scum-bucket gets out of his car and starts walking across the parking lot only to spot 25 or so heavily armed women marching out of the building, raising their weapons and charging at him while screeching like furies.

Scum-bucket had a pretty good sense of self-preservation and the sight of us was inspiring.  He ran back to the car and peeled out of the parking light like the hounds of hell were at his heels and I suppose we were.

Anyhow, L never heard from him again.  Eventually, she and J started dating and they’ll have been married for 5 years next September.

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The most embarrassing thing In my life is whenever I see people and they ask what I’ve been up to . Literally nothing ever . Im like ohh you know this and that …. The usual ..

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Working at the sex shop really did rewire my brain. There was basically no topic that was too taboo to talk about, and what little propriety I’d had evaporated. I’d be out walking and chatting with friends about erotica I’d had to read that day only to be shushed and realize people were staring at me.

It always struck me as a little bit silly but I learned to curb myself for others comfort levels. Mostly.

But I have one distinct memory of decorating holiday cookies with my parents and my grandmother. My mom had worked in a sex shop back in her day, and I never hid my line of work from my family, so I was telling a work story.

I was conscious that my dad was slightly more sensitive, so I was using pretty broad descriptions, but I happened to mention silicone lube and my nana asked, “What’s that?”

I went into full sales mode. Focused on the little reindeer cookie I was decorating I started info dumping, “Oh, it’s pretty great. Water based lubricants get absorbed through vaginal mucous membranes, but silicone is too dense and our body can’t absorb it the same way. So once you apply some silicone you never have to worry about chafing, and a little goes a long way. It’s especially popular with older women, because they start producing less natural lubricant and absorb water based lubes so quickly.”

There was a silent beat after this statement.

I looked up.

My mom and grandmother were looking at me with rapt attention, and I belatedly realized I was addressing two older women who probably would welcome extra lubrication.

And then there was my dad, blushing so pink with embarrassment that I thought he was about to faint.

“I can talk about something else,” I offered in apology to my dad.

“Like hell! He can go in the other room, tell me more!” My nana declared. My dad scampered off to busy himself in another room while I answered their questions and talked about brands and pricing.

I slipped them each a small bottle of silicone lube for the holidays.

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I love all the acting choices David and Micheal made for their characters but one I'm especially obsessed with (and frankly I don't see it being talked about enough) is the body language/posture.

David took one look at Crowley and decided this boy is Bouncy™. He has cooked spaghetti for bones. Ninety percent of his walking is done by his shoulders actually. He might be man-shaped but he's actually a liquid constantly changing form to fully fill the container (chair) he's in.

Meanwhile Michael went - We'll he's an angel, of course he's prim and proper and carefully put-together. He has the posture and grace of a classically trained dancer. There is also One Million Bees under his skin at any given moment.

And they were so right.

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My coworker Mike just started cracking up. Informed us someone was trying to make a test Outlook group at work and seems to have accidentally made it a real Outlook group.

Everyone added to the group is named Mike.

Creator of the group isn’t online yet but the Mikes are coming online in droves.

“Why was I added to this group? What do I have in common with all these other Mikes?” -one of the Mikes

“Ah, so this is Mikerosoft” (<- you’re never gonna guess what company I work for)

One Mike has suggested this is an effort by the group-creator to hunt Mikes for sport

Coworker (Mike T.) has informed us he had a meeting earlier today, and among the participants one person was missing (Mike S.) Current theory is first Mike casualty had occurred. More will follow.

Current suggestion is we attempt to add a non-Mike to the group, to test its security.

Coworker Alex: "Alex log, day 207. The Mikes have started to accept me as one of their own."

Delighted to inform you the group creator is not a Mike at all. It is apparently some guy named Ashton.

Great news everyone

Contents:

Something Mikerosoft is going on at Microsoft. The many Michaels and Mikes at Microsoft woke up to a larger than normal amount of emails this week. “Someone accidentally(?) added every Mike/Michael at Microsoft to a discussion alias,” reveals Bing VP Michael Schechter. Copilot summarized the email thread and it says some of the Michaels are concerned “they might be hunted for sport” 😅.

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greelin

“the other day” could mean anything with me. literally yesterday. or a week ago. Seven years past.

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Anonymous asked:

One more joke hate: You may claim to be a woman but biologically you are a featherless biped and thus a man.

Finally a good argument for why I'm actually a man

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if you told diogenes the cynic about being trans he'd be like "lol that's a sick troll you're epic" and you'd be like "diogenes no i'm serious" and he'd be like "lol that's even better lmao those guys are so mad about it" and then he'd start going by new original neopronouns every single day specifically to piss off the whole symposium

I just had an idea for a really dumb comedy sketch where a transphobe starts ranting about what really makes a women a woman, and diogenes returns each time with a different cis woman or outwardly femme intersex person that doesn't meet the criteria saying "behold, a man!"

"a woman has XX chromosomes"

*Diogenes with an androgen insensitive XY cis woman*: behold, a man!

"Nono, a woman can bear children!"

*Diogenes with someone who has medical complications associated with pregnancy*: "behold, a man!"

"nono, a woman produces the large gamete"

*Diogenes with a postmenopausal cis woman* "behold, a man!"

Trans Rights With Diogenes! coming to PBS

Some idiot: only women can produce eggs!

*Diogenes holds up a chicken* Behold! A woman!

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i have spotify. open. right now on my computer. do you want me to blast you? do you want me to put you on blast cuz i got your history right here in the side bar take it back by jimmy buffet. nautical wheelers by jimmy buffet. jolly mon sing by jimmy buffet. STEAMER by jimmy BUFFET! treat her like a LADY by jimmy BUFFET! mañana by jimmy BUFFET! WHEN SALOME PLAYS THE DRUMS BY JAMES BUFFET. HaVaNa Daydreaming by Jimmy Buffet. what the FUCK happened to you? are you HAUNTED? are you FUCKING POSESSED??

YOU USED TO BE MY BROTHER

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fellshish

The devastating difference between how much time it takes to write something vs how fast people read it lol

you're falling in the trap!! it will be read by many people, many times, and it will live on in their memories. and maybe no single other human will match you in time spent dedicated to your story, but as a collective we will outlast you. acts of creation only grow when they are shared

This. Writing is not like dinner. It can be consumed many times

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kafui-7

Hello everybody.

Please share resources and don’t keep silent about Palestine. Dedicate your day for them today. Do not ignore them, do not let their voices go unheard.

Here are some resources you can share around:

Please do not ignore this post, share as much information and resources as you can for Palestine.

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disgustinggf

i love you fries i love you hash browns i love you roasted potatoes i love you mashed potatoes i love you potato chips i love you potato pancakes i love you potato croquettes i love you hasselback potatoes i love you tater tots i love you potatoes

can you all believe i forgot gnocchi

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assiraphales

the fact that none of the night at the museum movies were rated over 50% by critics is a reminder that some ppl don’t know how to have fun. the first two movies were flawless. a night watch guard has to babysit museum displays that come to life, complete w old school villains and endless historical crossovers? incredible concept, incredible execution

not to mention those little gay bitches !!!

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pansyfemme

cd has a hole. record has a hole. casette has 2 holes. streaming? zero holes. i think i’ve made my point

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