hey there!
it's been a hot second.
dunno why i got the compulsion to randomly log into this blog after four years or so give or take, but i did indeed feel like it.
a lot in my life has changed since i last used tumblr. i've had this blog up for over six years now and it has been a long journey. i was a tween when i created this account and now i'm a fully grown adult. i didn't deactivate even if it perhaps would have been the intelligent thing to do (i said a looooot of dumb things online as a teen, lots of meaningless discourse and all that crap) because it is a time capsule for a very different point in my life that i am long since past. gotta learn from the mistakes of old for the future, yaknow? i'm not sure if any old mutuals even still use tumblr or unfollowed me long ago for inactivity (or dumb old takes, both are totally reasonable) but if you're reading this, hello! i've missed you. i hope life has been kind to you since we last interacted.
this site had such a huge impact on how i grew up. i was a very troubled child/teenager with a horrid family life and i did not know how to cope properly. i lashed out online a lot as an outlet. i realized it was an unhealthy coping mechanism when my life came crashing down, i nearly died multiple times and was in a very very dark place. those clouds have since lifted and i like to think i'm pretty well adjusted now (fingers crossed!) with a stable job and years of therapy keeping me sane. to anyone who knew me as a teen, earnestly, seriously from the bottom of my heart My Condolences Lol. i took a long break from social media after some really awful family stuff went down and i realized the way i was engaging was not healthy. all the things i thought i cared about, i thought mattered, really didn't in the end. i took the time i needed to heal and it was good for me, i like to think.
apologies for this post getting rambly it's early in the morning and i'm kind of doing this on impulse but hey what the hell it's for old time's sake. i've been on hormones for around three years now and i'm coming up on the anniversary of my top surgery and life is finally okay. not perfect, of course, but good. i'm happy. i like me. i love my friends. and i want to be alive. there is a lot worth living and loving for in this life and it took me a long time to realize that.
anyways, i'll quit hogging your dash space. much love to anybody who bothered to read my silly little post. i've been considering actually deactivating this account and starting fresh as a way to let go of the past even if it is nice to look at embarrassing old posts every now and then. i hope you're all doing well on this big blue hell site. lots of love <3
