I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago and then changed my mind on publishing because of maybe the potential legal ramifications of having it in writing. But if you read it, you know. I’ve been to counseling once, and I like the counselor. EMDR is started, and hopefully helps. I’ll see her again this coming week. 
My emotions are up and down depending on the day. Tuesday I was a teary-eyed mess. Yesterday? OK. I found that my overall tolerance for hearing about trauma is very, very low, which surprised me. I almost lost it a couple of nights ago when I started listening to an audiobook and in the first chapter, the author described being the victim in a very similar situation in grotesque detail. I had to immediately call my boyfriend and ask him to talk to me about mundane things so I didn’t dwell on what I just heard.
My future is very uncertain. Everything might turn out OK, or the worst could happen. I never thought that my life would turn out like this.
There have been so many times this week when I realized that what I really wanted was to call my dad and talk with him about it all. Those days of casual conversations are gone. I am grieving him while he is still alive, and it is surreal.
I am not a drinker normally, but there’s been a couple of nights this week where I turned to alcohol to de-stress and it really scared me. I never thought that I would be someone who could potentially abuse alcohol, but I caught a glimpse of that tonight. I don’t need that in my life for so many reasons. 
But y’all…If I did not have my boyfriend in my life, I’m not sure where I would be today. Because 100,000%, I would have spiraled into deep depression that first night. It was only because of  his presence and attentiveness that I stayed in the moment and didn’t spiral.
I wonder, though, if there might be a time where this is all too much for him. I wonder if all of this scares him so much that he might want to run at some point? 🤷🏼♀️
Enough of my ramblings for now. I hope you are life is going better than mine, and I hope you have an incredible weekend. Thanks for hanging in there with me!