In 2019, we’re going write emotionally healthy love stories. In 2019, our OTPs are going to say, “I can live without you—but I don’t want to.”

so when i was 7 or 8 i’d “write letters to hermione granger” and set them out on the piano in the living room every night with my stuffed toy owl and every morning i’d have a letter from hermione back, sitting at the foot of my bed, and hermione and i corresponded like that for months and i’d just like to thank my mom for writing out a “letter from hermione” for me every single night

That is the cutest thing I’ve ever read oh my god

so when i was about the same age i got really into both ciphers and james madison (idk don’t ask) so i just randomly started writing these letters like i was james madison writing to my own spy ring, using all kinds of ciphers. constantly writing that WE MUST SWITCH CIPHERS THE BRITISH ARE ON TO US. and it wasn’t every night because the ciphers kept getting more complex, but it was about one every week for six months and my mother always responded. and she always found the letters, because i took to hiding them in increasingly more obscure locations because spies, obviously. 

i didn’t realize how much work this was until i snuck down late one night for a cookie. and saw my mother bent over my giant book of ciphers and muttering to the dog “is this another code or can she not spell?” (i could not and still can not spell) and i was a bit angry at first but i kept watching and she KEPT AT IT. checking everything in that book against my letter and i never felt so loved. my mom with a full time job sitting up to figure out my silly letters said just because i enjoyed the game. 

i got her this bio of james madison a few years ago for xmas with a simple number substitution cipher on the inside saying “In thanks for your dedicated years of service, your daughter and occasional President.” She still has it pride of place on her desk next to the obligatory kid pics

so yeah cute mom story for the day. 

These are some of the best secret mom stories I’ve ever read, omg.

Klaus -

Diego -

Luther -

Number Five -

Vanya -

Allison -

Bonus:

Pogo -

Mom’s Work

Reboot to support this hardworking single mom

Snow White twist where Snow White is played by a dark-skinned woman with snow white hair

People in the comments are so mad 💀

whoops my hand slipped

SHE’S BEAUTIFUL WOW

the idea that humans are a garbage species is so obnoxious no one talks about the peaceful parts of history and prehistory because they aren’t as exciting as us killing each other but um homo sapiens have been doing awesome things all over for a long time….we survived the fucking ice age…we made it through the sinai desert….we shared the savana with big cats before we ever made a weapon, we wove baskets from literal plants and halved blades from flint to handles we made, carved harpoons from bone and fought megafauna for our loved ones, cooked food and took care of the elderly and buried our dead, painted pictures and shared stories, built homes from clay and mud and straw, made instruments so we could dance and sing…it is so easy to focus on the negative and i get it ok we are in the middle of a mass extinction event that specific humans are at fault for but listen: they don’t want you to remember it hasn’t always been like this…we were and are so much more than evil

I’m right and I should say it

Wait. How are peoples with siblings greeting eachother then?

“Hey”

“Hey”

“Hey Dork.”

“I am not a dork.”

“Yes you are. And mom wants to talk to you.”

“Whats up buttholes”

“Shut up Loser”

“Hey maaaan”

“Hey maaaaan”

Or

“Hey stoop-stoops”

“No”

“Who are you?”

“Hey shithead”

“Hey dickface”

“Whaddup slut”

*Hey ‘name of sibling’* *Get out of my room*

“Hey nerd” “What do you want”

“Sup bitch”

“Fuck off”

*steps into the room and stares at them until they notice and stare back for a solid 15 seconds, neither of you move a muscle*

“what”

“what do you want for dinner”

That last one!!!

“Hey.”

“Get the fuck out of my room.”

Player: I want to seduce the dragon!

DM:

Player:

Note to vacationing non-Americans: while it’s true that America doesn’t always have the best food culture, the food in our restaurants is really not representative of what most of us eat at home.  The portions at Cheesecake Factory or IHOP are meant to be indulgent, not just “what Americans are used to.”

If you eat at a regular American household, during a regular meal where they’re not going out of their way to impress guests, you probably will not be served twelve pounds of chocolate-covered cream cheese.  Please bear this in mind before writing yet another “omg I can’t believe American food” post.

Also, most American restaurant portions are 100% intended as two meals’ worth of food. Some of my older Irish relatives still struggle with the idea that it’s not just not rude to eat half your meal and take the rest home, it’s expected. (Apparently this is somewhat of an American custom.)

Until you’re hitting the “fancy restaurant” tier (the kind of place you go for a celebration or an anniversary date), a dinner out should generally also be lunch for the next day. Leftovers are very much the norm.

From the little time I’ve spent in Canada, this seems to be the case up there as well.

the portions in family restaurants (as opposed to haute cuisine types) are designed so that no one goes away hungry.

volume IS very much a part of the american hospitality tradition, and Nobody Leaves Hungry is important. but you have to recognize that it’s not how we cook for ourselves, it’s how we welcome guests and strengthen community ties.

so in order to give you a celebratory experience and make you feel welcomed, family restaurants make the portions big enough that even if you’re a teenage boy celebrating a hard win on the basketball court, you’re still going to be comfortably full when you leave.

of course, that means that for your average person with a sit-down job, who ate a decent lunch that day, it’s twice as much as they want or more. that’s ok. as mentioned above, taking home leftovers is absolutely encouraged. that, too, is part of american hospitality tradition; it’s meant to invoke fond memories of grandma loading you down with covered dishes so you can have hearty celebration food all week. pot luck church basement get-togethers where the whole town makes sure everybody has enough. that sort of thing. it’s about sharing. it’s about celebrating Plenty.

it’s not about pigging out until you get huge. treating it that way is pretty disrespectful of our culture. and you know, contrary to what the world thinks, we do have one.

So the “doggy bag” thing is real?

Y-yes? Is it not overseas?

not really, in aus if you cant finish you do your best to palm it off to anyone else whos still hungry and if they dont want it it just gets scrapped

As a Canadian, I can say that it is equally true here re: big portions. Go ahead and take your leftovers home. They make a great lunch the next day.

That's really interesting, thanks for explaining! In Brazil the most popular restaurant (at least in my experience) is the self service, where you only put what you think you can eat. Some places even fine you if you left some on the plate. Of course in familly restaurants where the portions are for families or couples if a bit is left you can take it home. But most places have a menu for one or two or more so you can choose and not leave/waste food.

self care for when you hit rock bottom

i fucking hate self care posts made by neurotypicals so here’s one from someone who Actually Gets It

-can’t shower or take a bath? me either. dry shampoo can make your hair look and feel cleaner, and baby wipes or makeup wipes work great to get the top layer of grime off your skin.

-can’t wash your sheets and make your bed? i feel you. push your blankets out of the way and shake the crumbs off your sheet. it will at least be a bit more comfortable.

-can’t even change out of your dirty pajamas? been there. hit yourself with some febreeze and a lint roller. if you can, brush your hair. if you can’t, hair ties and bobby pins are fantastic.

-can’t make anything to eat? same. if you can, there’s no shame in ordering food. in fact, it’s probably better you eat something rather than go hungry. if you can’t, try and find something that comes pre-made or takes minimal effort to make. at the very least, drink some water.

can’t respond to messages or reach out for help? yeah, i get that. set an alarm for a few hours from now and respond to any messages you need to once you’ve given yourself time to prepare. if they’re Important Messages that need Professional Responses, you can find fill-in-the-blank format rough drafts on google. as far as personal messages go, don’t feel bad for sending a mass “I’m sorry, I’m in a personal emergency right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” response to everyone.

-can’t even sleep because it’s so bad? asmr videos always knock me out, personally, but i also watch a lot of bob ross. just try to find something quiet and soothing to use as background noise and take your mind off it, or at least give you a more peaceful environment to think about it.

-can’t go for a walk/drive? try opening the blinds or curtains. you’re still exposing yourself to the outside world. baby steps. (i also play animal crossing or sims; it may be virtual but fuck it. i went on a walk.)

-can’t go into work/school? let people know. let your coworkers or classmates know it’s an emergency and you can’t make it. give yourself up to two days, but then you have to go back. ask to have your work emailed to you so you know what you missed.

-can’t brush your teeth and wash your face? makeup or baby wipes and gum or mouthwash. don’t let yourself physically rot bc you’re rotting emotionally.

-remember that you’ve been here before. if you survived then you can survive now. that’s what this is about- survival. you don’t have to be living your Best Life. right now, it’s more than enough that you’re alive.

If you have a minute, donate a free Valentine’s Day card to a sick child, it’s completely free and will make somebody very happy 💕

Kii says:

CHLA, the hospital that runs this program, is a trans-affirming hospital that has a program dedicated to helping trans youth! 

can everyone plz wish my parents a safe flight tomorrow morning to the isle of man cos my dad’s ban from visiting the island has been lifted finally after 40 all cos he fired a bottle rocket at the queen of england when he was a teenager

since i’ve gotten some intrigued asks here’s the story:

when my dad was 15 he went with his scout troop to a scouting jamboree on the isle of man where he and his friends decided to set off bottle rockets in the park cos idk they were dumb boys. and one of the bottle rockets went careening off into the road where it exploded right beside a car

now, in what year was my dad 15? 1977. the queen of england’s silver jubilee year. and what was the car my dad’s bottle rocket hit? the queen’s car in the cavalcade during her jubilee visit to the isle of man

throw in the fact my dad is irish and the 70s were the height of the troubles between the republic and britain and WHAM BAM THANK YA MAM! my dad got hit with a lifelong ban from ever visiting the isle of man and he and the whole scout troop were sent home

idk who decided to let him off for good behaviour after 40 years but when he got the letter in 2017 saying he could visit the isle of man again after jan 1 2018, my dad burst into the room on my stepmom and i and announced, “WE’RE GOING TO THE CHANNEL ISLANDS!”

shout out to the anon who just messaged me “that means somewhere out in the multiverse there’s a universe where your dad murdered the queen of england” which i’m never posting and just keeping in my inbox forever thank you that’s lovely and yes that’s exactly the response i wanted this to get

just to truly bring this story to complete conclusion my dad just facetimed me from the park where he nearly killed the queen 40 years ago 🌟

Everyone talks about how Jesus drove the money changers and merchants out of the temple, but everyone glosses over the fact that he took the time to braid a whip. That would have taken a couple hours. I have braided leather before, and it takes a lot of time and effort. It may have even taken more than one day, all scripture says is, “And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple-“ there isn’t a time period given. But I would still say it was at least a few hours. he had to braid multiple cords, bind them together, make a handle, and fix the cords to the handle.

The point of this is that what he did was NOT impulsive. It was cold and calculated. Premeditated even.

I’m sorry I know this is a really great insight but all I can think of is Jesus sitting there making His whip and the apostles shuffling around nervously wondering who’s about to get it

i personally think its pretty crazy that karl marx actually knew what was gonna happen to us back in 1850 like this guy comes out of nowhere at what the fuck o'clock and goes, capitalism is going to creep into every single crevice of your lives there will be nothing left and all creativity and integrity will be taken away like. he just said that    and it was correct

*opens tinder*

*sees the name “Brantleigh”*

*closes tinder*

*reopens tinder*

*closes tinder*

Hey I’m having an aneurism

I don’t even have anything to add with this one

…drittney?

it’s drittney bitch

it’s drittney ditch

a collection of tweets, part 17

(the series)