kpop is wack man you guys post videos w captions like “LOOK at what taehyung did” and i play the video and he does fucking nothing he just like blinks or wipes his nose or whatever and the tags are like “STOP DJKSFJSH OMFG… my precious juicy husband please impregnate me 🤤😍😫”

…..seek help!

i can’t stop watching this i’m …

what the fuck

brief reminder that humans are among the best vocal mimics on Earth

This. This is what we would be famous for as space aliens.

if ‘get low’ was an indie tune (mumford and sons are shaking)

The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it’s honestly a waste that my entire life isn’t constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS

1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home.

2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn’t talk about it again.

3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized “wait it’s dark as fuck” so I just held still until the guy gave up and left.

4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl’s underwear a day later and I never saw him again

5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver’s side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out

6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he’d locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him “you know that sounds super suspicious right” and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead

7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn’t follow me onboard

8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again.

9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me ‘piñata’ and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals

10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks

11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped

12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home

13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play ‘bloody mary’ in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said “no thanks” and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead.

14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of… locked up forever and never go near

15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360º spin with nobody touching it, so I said ‘that was neat’ and never ate there again

16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I’d ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn’t even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds

Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking

I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say “no thanks” to everything else

Fun fact my grandpa was in the Air Force but only because he cheated his way in

So he did a great job with everything all along the way, until he hit got to his marksmanship test.

Now, my grandpa is a great shot. The catch is, he’s left-handed. And the people administering the test did not like that and insisted he shoot righty.

Naturally, he sucked at it. But he had a few tricks up his sleeve. And by tricks, I do mean a pencil.

When my grandpa went up to retrieve his target, the man pulled out a pencil, stabbed a bunch of holes in the center, and called it a day.

The grift worked, he passed with flying colors, and he began a 30+ year career as an Air Force engineer, helping design the B-2 Bomber, and being a general badass.

Also, he’s led me to believe he knows information about aliens, and the man would never joke about something like that.

People are asking about the alien thing. All I know is that my grandpa had access to confidential information and absolutely no sense of humor. He has learned classified secrets and he would never pull a prank. When my mom and her sisters were kids, they once joked about if aliens are real, and he stopped them in their tracks to sternly tell them that they never, ever, ever are to joke about that again.

He knows SOMETHING is what I’m saying.

y’know…. conversations about world war ii would be a lot more bearable and constructive if white men found that period rightly horrific rather than pornographic 

We glorify war because it’s the only time we’re allowed to release the beast and not go to jail for it.

You want to see who a man truly is, put him in a battle.

Man is never more himself, than when he has nothing to lose.

you’re not fucking odysseus, go to therapy

it’s so bizarre being a lesbian cause there’s such a disconnect between your family and yourself like i don’t even know how to explain it but your actual sexuality and a huge part of what makes your yourself it just… not touched upon and you can feel the change in the air and difference in their tones when they try and call you out on it… idk like my brain is just having thoughts and my thoughts are heterosexuality is insane

Fun fact: this never gets better, this never changes. Heterosexuality is not in and of itself evil but its role in maintaining and empowering the patriarchy means that all straight wome are accomplices to their own life of myriad horrors and in order to survive, enter into a stockholm syndrome existence and any routes of legitimate freedom (like lesbianism) must be punished and vilified

How are straight women accomplices to their own life of horrors? Genuine question, I kno tone can be lost through text. And doesn't this (routes of legitimate freedom (like lesbianism)) imply that sexuality is a choice?

watch the whole thing, i’m begging you

this is NUTS

Reblogging this again because I found out he’s actually the drummer in an all-mascot metal band called Charamel.

wait a second

Kilo Kish — Existential Crisis Hour!

LMFAOOOOOO I CAN’T BREATHE

Gambino really looked at these and thought they were deep

I’m crying what is this fake deep shit jsjsjsjsks

why am I not surprised in the slightest???

i have to laugh.

I knew he was goofy lmaooo

This is…predictable.

This is a beautiful thing to spread.