Monster fucker this, monster fucker that. What if I want a monster RELATIONSHIP huh?! Monster HAND HOLDING, monster INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS, monster COMFORTABLE SILENCE??

Elves (and other long lived fantasy races) as serial monogamists who have set end dates for their marriages; your first marriage contract is set for 50 years, and you can renew it if you're still happy by the end of it- but if not, or if you just want to try something new, you can part ways amicably and move on.

A second marriage is supposed to last longer (you should know what you like now that you've had practice with your first!) but you need a 'cooling off' period between marriages so many people don't get second married until their late 100's or early 200's... and of course you want to match with someone who is also on their second marriage, though 'mixed' marriages do occur. The calculations for the appropriate end date of a marriage based on age and previous status is a complex affair.

In the later stages mixed marriages are less of a problem and often considered ideal- towards the end of one's life one wants a slightly younger partner to be able to take care of them after all. Young enough that they'll have time to find a 'ending' partner of their own once their current spouse has passed, but not so young that they at completely different stages of life. Match makers are much more common for older folks than younger ones for this reason.

Of course this also creates avenues for unique tropes in the elven romantic annals. Star Crossed lovers who found each other when one was near the end and the other was just beginning; remarrying your first partner centuries later as you realize they were what you wanted all along; people coming to the end of their marriage who realize they don't want it to end- but does their partner feel the same???

The complex web of previous marriages this creates in elven societies is also a font for drama, and elves need to keep track of their various step parents and half siblings to avoid crossing family lines- (yet another reason not to date to far outside your age range). Nothing is more awkward than bringing home a new partner only to realize they're your mother's first wife.

in a past life i was a respectable and respected lemon shark in a territory off the course of what is now florida. one day a single perfect orange fell into the water and i ate it and experienced a euphoric overdose of vitamin c, which killed me instantly

texas is funny. this one time a guy(in his truck) yelled at me(outside)(in summer) for wearing a cowboy hat(to provide shade)(while working)(in the sun) while i was working in the garden (in summer)(in texas)(on a sunny day)

sorry i’m a #FakeCowboy for wearing a cowboy hat(in the summer)(in the sun)(while working)(in a garden) instead of wearing my cowboy hat(meant for working)(in the sun) while driving a truck(air-conditioned) like a #RealCowboy who does Manly Work (with his truck)(spotless)(unblemished)(with AC)

does someone have this post. i need to see it again

valence

valence.

As an adult you must cultivate the skill of “Gross! Oh, well. Not my business.”

Applies to everything from BDSM parties to your sister’s godawful interior design choices to weird bachelor pad meals eaten over a sink.

Gross! Oh, well. Not my business.

I love you samosas. I love you empanadas. I love you pasties. I love you dumplings. I love you pirozhkis. I love you savory food in a convenient little carb purse.

I would like to personally thank everyone adding their culture's respective carb purse in the tags on this post. You are opening up whole new worlds of carb purses to me. I WILL go find a Jamaican beef patty.

ZHANG LING HE as GONG ZI YU My Journey to You 云之羽 (2023) – Ep. 1

dick so good it turns you into hold on i can’t finish this post. there’s a cobweb on my couch i can see it

i can finish it for you lemme try. dick so good it turns you into The Thing

thanks king that means a lot. there are spiders everywhere

you can exchange those for bonuses and points

At the spider store?

at the spider store yeah

i was at the last supper fujo'ing out over judas and jesus

oh so that's why the Locked Tomb fandom goes feral if you mention soup

companion to my 2023 Secret Samol piece, Intimacy. Screenshot by @kalvin-brnine.

[ID: A screenshot of overlapping text. Some lines are clear, and the following are highlighted:

Integrity made its offer to Sokrates. Sokrates said yes. Integrity,

old to

shoulder, towards the familiar curve of their spine.

Please help me, Sokrates said. I need power. I need

help me, Sokrates said. I need power. I need divinity.

Integrity burrowed into their Apostolosian flesh.

small

small

brain. Touching it just barely, just enough to get a taste.

Sokrates uncurled slowly from their fetal position on the

Integrity stood, taking on their weight. It was reeling.

Reborn with a thought, a wish from Sokrates's insides.]

The problem with my polycule is that I've got a wolfgirl GF and a goatboy BF and I'm carrying this cabbage so it's basically impossible to cross rivers

Sauce tureen shaped like an Asiatic dormouse

Made in Jingdezhen, China; about 1745

Spotted at the “Outside In: Nature-inspired Design at Winterthur” exhibition

Sweater town