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chaotic good

@dianacrimsonia / dianacrimsonia.tumblr.com

[Diana | 29 | she/her | Latvia] I draw fantasy OCs, and fanart. Lots of romantic queer illustrations. I keep all my fandom related artworks under the tag "dianacrimsonia art".
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halcyonhue

I just want you all to know, that if and when this site does experience a real exodus and/or get sunsetted for good, even if we don't keep in touch I'll remember you so fondly. You're the online equivalent of the other kid on the beach where we built sandcastles together; the girl at the campsite where we explored the trees. You're the drunk person who shared kind words in the bathroom at the club, you're the talented artists at the life drawing class or the poetry night in a city where I don't live anymore. It makes me sad that maybe in the future our paths won't cross so easily, but even when we leave this little shared piece of cyberspace, carried away on our briefly intersecting trajectories, just know I still love you

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related to post that I've just reblogged

speaking of hobbies

guess who still haven't touched drawing tablet since losing job last autumn? me, it's me. and i attempted to try myself at new-old hobbies, some successfully (i.e. reading books again), some not. but i'm so closely tied to identifying myself as "that girl who always doodles something", that i grew to feel fundamentally detached from myself, sort of. but i also burned out from creating big serious illustrations. not feeling like drawing humans. none of that.

maybe i'll return to drawing birds and animals for my soul's delight. anthros as well (i miss drawing my sona). something where i started off decades ago as a mere hobby. not where i ended up professionally, eventually. yeah. maybe that'll do :'>

p.s. fanart? sigh. that's a complicated topic. i haven't felt very emotionally attached to any form of media since past year. also i kinda grew hating the fandom rat race of getting noticed with fresh hot fanarts of something that's trending only this week and then everyone moves on to a next shiny thing? you've seen that post i reblogged recently. so maybe some sporadic fanarts for "old" franchises will be happening, we'll see

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Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

  • If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
  • If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
  • If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you
  • If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you
  • People are allowed to be wrong about you
  • If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect
  • Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it
  • The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something
  • You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it
  • Most things are better after you sleep on them
  • Most things are better after you have a meal
  • Most things are better after you shower
  • Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"
  • If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction
  • If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction
  • "Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier
  • If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two
  • You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction
  • When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery
  • People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves
  • If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it
  • If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable
  • If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it
  • If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it
  • Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step
  • Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary
  • If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike
  • Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP
  • No one cares what you look like
  • If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"
  • People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company
  • You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you
  • If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly
  • You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will
  • Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable
  • Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it
  • Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier
  • And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess
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sindirimba

one thing fandoms love to do is invent something and then get mad at people for not agreeing that it happened

corollary to this is when fans get mad about something happening in canon that contradicts their own personal headcanons

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reblogged

Not people saying “Fandom has always been like this” in that vent post I made. No. It hasn’t always been like this. Fandom has NEVER been like this until recently and if you were in fandom pre-tumblr purge, pre-twitter, pre-netflix boom, pre-tiktok….then you would fucking know it was nothing like this.

We still had the drive to create. We still sold prints and charms and made zines…but it was never like this.

The introduction of streaming, binge shows that drop all at once, tiktok and vine RIP i still love u vine but you were the beginning of a particularly ugly era) creating this bite sized, quick paced ‘content’ era of creation and it bled out into fucking everything else.

Fandoms didn’t die down when the show ended or the season was over. You didn’t mass unfollow artist, writers or moots just because they changed fandoms. There wasn’t this need to please the algorithm in order for your posts to get seen by people and enjoyed.

Fandoms used to last YEARS. Star Trek is literally the oldest running fandom out there and you got people in there that could care less about the new stuff and still have been happily prancing through their fucking fifty year old fandom today. Hell, even SPN after all it’s fuckups and shitshows has a dedicated fanbase STILL creating tons of art and fic.

There is no patience anymore. No calm feeling of taking in fandom and friends at a pace that which doesn’t make you stressed and is still fun.

Do I blame fandom for this? Of course not, but people are complacent with it and start changing their vocab to accommodate and end up making the situation so deep it cant be fixed.

We call Art & Fic Content now, completely stripping the value of what it is to a level of consumerism instead of personal entertainment & community bonding.

Let OP talk, they’re absolutely right.

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reblogged
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eggwraith

opens box that reads "i wanna draw again". inside lies a note. the note says, "mental illness and difficult circumstances have taken years of interest, accessibility, and skill away from me. i want to forgive myself for that. i want to heal my relationship to my hobbies. i want to feel connected to something that once made me feel good, but the cyclic discouragement is difficult to overcome." i turn over the note. on the back it reads "wannta drawe sexy bodies awooga"

seems like this one really resonated with the artists who dont do art fandom

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I hate how fandom has become "if you haven't created anything in this very specific time frame after the release of the show/movie, everyone will have moved on"

And call me old fashioned, but that's just not me. I sometimes take ages to create and publish. And I will love a show or movie for such a long time (years, babes, years) that I just can't relate to the fast consumerism that's going on.

Because, let's be real, it can get really lonely in a fandom if most have simply moved on to the next shiny thing. Is what's created less worth, just because it was created outside the hype? Why is it such a taboo for this new fandom generation to love an old or "late" fic or art?

It's so tiring and I'm too old for the 30-seconds-hype-tiktok-shit. Just tired. So, so tired.

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prinnamon

so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone's blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it's just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else's apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch

reblog if i can wander into your apartment (blog) and make myself lunch (like and reblog as if it's my dash)

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reblogged

no but really, like 

i know that some folks love telling creative people that “you should be doing it for fun because you love it not for the compliments” but creative people thrive on feedback whether it’s critical or just complimentary

so when i write fanfiction and don’t get any actual feedback i feel like i spent all that time and energy doing it for nothing because i’m not getting feedback from the people i wrote it for 

doing something you’re proud of and then presenting it to the sound of utter silence is like the worst feeling on earth 

I know the feeling of this.

i like to think: what if you were in a play and you spend all that time learning your lines and your cues and going to rehearsal for hours and hours and being bone tired and then getting up on stage opening night and giving it your all only to be met with silence from the audience at the final curtain call. No one would question why that upset them.

An art instructor in my childhood said something to me I’ve never forgotten - that a work of art isn’t complete until it has been experienced - seen, heard, etc.  That this wasn’t just some abstract concept, but a visceral truth for the artist - that the work wasn’t DONE until the end result had been witnessed, appreciated, critiqued - whatever, it didn’t have to be positive negative knowledgable, it just had to happen as the concluding event, the final brush stroke.

Some folks who don’t get it go about thinking we make art or write fic because we crave praise or attention or fans, or even that some writers/artists thrive on negativity and drama (and to be sure, all of these things are true some times!).  But that’s too narrow an understanding of why we art. I think my art teacher was telling a fundamental truth about the psychology of creativity - that art is a communal experience, that until we share our creative work and see how people respond, we do not have closure on that work.  

Art is communication - and communication shouted into the void is frighteningly isolating. We need our readers our viewers our audience. We need to hear what you think. We need to converse in comments, answer your counter thoughts or thoughtful critique, we need the conversation - that’s what art is :)

Never feel bad for desiring feedback - it’s not some extra frill that exists outside of the creative process. It is a critical part of the creative process - and if you cannot find your audience in one venue, don’t give up.  Keep putting your art out there until your audience finds you :)

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whoah, i accidentally remembered which mail i used to access pillowfort account! I haven't been there since 2019. is anyone's still using that platform though?..

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I just found this prepared post from last october left forgotten in my drafts haha almost a year i'm so sorry my boy

Anyway! That's my OC Alister, he's a young half-elf and an alchemist apprentice with a pretty tragic backstory I'm still working on

Please do NOT use in RPs, change or outright steal this character's appearance, better commission me to draw/design you a fantasy character for personal use ^^

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