When my dad was a teenager, he accidentally started working for a restaurant that was a front for the local mafia. He flipped burgers for a semester and then, when he wanted to leave, one of the members pulled a gun on him and said he couldn’t. “Oh, fuck off,” said the guy’s superior. “Really, man? He just flips burgers, and he’s not even good at it. Let him go, dumbass.”
and that was my dad’s brush with organized crime
reblog for noises
“I wonder how this baby sounds”
“Ah. Like a mix between an electronic device on the fritz and what I imagine a baby raptor sounds like. Got it!”
I see, so it speaks fluent power drill.
The alarm seems to be going on your small furry device.
even after reading the comments I was not prepared
That’s like a Pokémon sound right there.
I will never not reblog this. The 2 guys in the back are just ❤❤❤
Always reblog.
people who get hyped up for other people are the greatest people you can have in your life.
Love their reactions. They aren’t worried about being emasculated, they aren’t insecure, they are just genuinely impressed that she’s lifting like a beast!
I am crying omfg
How to give grandma a heart attack. (by Steec)
I’m the one in the middle
The Japanese dwarf flying squirrel may be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen with my own two eyeballs.
My buddy used to know this guy in high school that would watch porn before every wrestling match he was in. He didn’t beat the meat. Didn’t even play with it. Sat fully clothed and watched violent ass hardcore for like half an hour.
He won almost every match.
Turns out being sexually aroused with no satisfaction makes your testosterone go into overdrive and turns you into a fuckin beast for like 15 minutes.
I do it now everytime I go to the gym. Never had better workouts.
Imagine being the guy figuring this out for the first time.
if you dont nut you unlock superpowers kids
having a raging erection while wrestling is also a great form of psychological warfare
Me and sugar daddy 5
God I fucking wish
Ugh one day
Or you could get a job be independent not rely on some guy 20+ years older than you to pay your way…date a guy your own age and who respects you and not be a total harlot….*shrugs* just me who wants that? guess so…
“I only date boys my age because I like to have have sex for free in the back of a Honda at the end of our McDonald’s date and then get called a slut by him and all his friends. You dirty sluts actually charge for something I give away for free? Disgraceful…”
“Occasionally he sneaks me into his parents house and we fuck quietly in his twin size bed on top of a pile of dirty laundry his mom hasn’t gotten around to washing, he gives me half a poptart and sends me on my way before his parents wake up”
lmao ew
💀💀💀💀💀
Deceased.
Yall gone learn to stop slutshaming SBs We coming for your throat tbh.
💀☠️☠️💀💀
I’m here for all a dis
i adore my mom beyond words but i have to mom-shame her for always doing this to me
so i showed my mom the post hahaha
this is the most wholesome and entertaining mom post on tumblr
wise words
