If it had been different

Fandon: Tog/ Throne of Glass

Versão em PT/BR aqui

• All characters belong to Sarah J Maas

Word count: 9,460

Alert: Anguish and death

Synopsis: What if he was found alive? What if Celaena had time to say goodbye?

(It’s the first time I’ve written anything, so don’t care about any beginner mistakes.)

(Things are happening here at the Assassin's Blade, just when Arobynn comes back to give Celaena news, but the news is different)

Arobynn Hamel was sitting on the couch.

Celaena stopped.

The King of Assassins slowly prepares. She saw the look in his eyes and feared what he would say before he even opened his mouth.

- We found.

Supernatural relief washed over the assassin's body.

- Where is he? I need to see you. - His voice was filled with concern and relief.

- They thought he still lived in Fortaleza, - said Arobynn, his voice in a horrible whisper. - But he is not well Celaena, the change as a warning. - I live, but I'm afraid he doesn't have much time.

Celaena's heart sank in her chest. Well, he was alive, but he was not well. By the gods, if Celaena lost him... It would be the end. The end of Cealena Sardothien, an Adarlan Assassin. The end of the girl, who slept in Sam's arms, the end of the girl who stole kisses from Sam during their time together. The end of all that future that had only been envisioned by the murderer, a future of happiness and love, that had not even begun. It would be the end of it.

Without another word, Celaena turned and ran to Fortaleza. He ran as if his life depended on it. Maybe not your life, but certainly your soul depended.

It was not stopped at the gates, nor by the corridors. Perhaps the news about Sam has already spread and that reaction was expected of her.

Celaena stopped suddenly, realizing that she didn't know where to go.

Luckily, Arobynn came around the corner just behind her, looking breathless. I should have run after her all the way.

- He's in his old room.

Celaena did not stay to listen to the rest, she understood the killer to say something about more space for more people. Certainly healers, she thought, since they should be trying to save his life, or at least prolong it as long as possible.

Her heart sank at the thought.

Soon she found her way and opened the door to her old room.

Three people ran from side to side, opening suitcases and passing glasses from hand to hand, medicine and potions, with all their attention focused on the bed.

And there he was. The boy he shared his apartment with. The first person she allowed herself to trust. The first boy she fell in love with.

Sam.

Your Sam.

Relief and hatred clashed inside Celaena's chest

He was completely bruised, his eyes were puffy, a big gash on his forehead, one on his temple, and a smaller one on his brow. His chest and left arm were bandaged, with blood staining the bandages.

She did not allow herself to better assess Sam's injuries, that would not help her now.

Luckily, he was conscious, but weak. Weaker than Celana would like.

- Celaena. - Her name came out of his lips like nothing more than a whisper, as if it took a lot of his energy.

She quickly moved into the room, closer to him.

-Shhhhh, it's okay.

By this time, Celaena had already come closer and stroked her hair, which was still dirty with dust and blood. The healers worked on sewing something below Sam's waist, a long cut at the base of her thigh, she realized.

The killer did not sit on the bed. He should already be in a lot of pain, the movement of the mattress could get even worse.

- I tried, I swear I tried to fight him. But he caught me off guard. Soon I, a murderer of the guild. - His words came out more firmly now, but still very low.

- Don't worry about it now ok? You need to worry about improving. - She needed to focus on that too. Without Sam, she would be lost.

- I need you Sam. Without you, who would take care of me? And remember to eat regularly, and hug me at night to ward off any nightmares? - A sad smile pulled the assassin's lips. So many good memories.

Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to cry at that moment. She had to be strong for him.

Sam groaned as he moved a little. The healers had finished their work and left, but informed Celaena that they would keep an eye on him.

- I know, you need me. But I also need you. Since long before you knew, I already needed you. I needed you to breathe so that I could breathe too. I needed his heart to beat, for mine to beat together, even though at the time, he still didn't beat for me. Replied the boy.

Celaena felt those tears coming back, and they rolled without mercy this time.

- What matters is that I'm here now, and so are you. Are you alive. I need you to live. My soul depends on it. I could never, ever live in a world without Sam Corthland. She forced a smile through her tears.

Sam was looking at her directly in the eyes now. At least he was looking at her with the eye he could still open.

- I love you, Celaena Sardothien. I've loved her for as long as I can remember and will probably love until my last breath. Be it today, or a hundred years from now. Sam's voice started to slow and choke.

- I love you too Sam Corthland. I didn't tell you that before, but I love you. I love you more than I can explain and express. I would give my life for you. I love you so much, that sometimes I think my heart will break, for the simple fact of my love for you not to fit him.

Surprise and affection sparkled in the killer's eyes.

The moment was interrupted when Sam coughed, a violent cough. And with it, blood came. Blood stained the hands Sam had used to try to contain his cough. Celaena went into despair and ran into the hall to try to find the healers. Soon, the three healers were back inside the room.

Sam coughed wildly. By now, the sheets were already stained with blood. The killer was standing, crying and watching in shock, while there was nothing she could do to help him.

- The broken ribs punctured the lungs, they are filling with blood right now. I'm sorry, but he doesn't have much time. I'm sorry. - informed the healer near Celaena's ear and left, dismissing the other two.

Celaena's heart sank desperately.

So that was it. She would see her one and only love die. She certainly wasn't going to abandon him. Not at that moment.

Sam's coughing stopped and he managed to speak, more to himself than to her, in a husky, almost inaudible voice.

- My name is Sam Corthland, and I will not be afraid.

Celaena's eyes filled even more and she cried desperately.

Sam motioned for Cealena to approach him. She did. He pulled her lightly by the hand toward the bed. Celaena answered his silent request and lay down next to him, not caring how much blood stained the sheets. Sam laid his head on the assassin's lap and whispered.

- I'm not afraid of that moment, and I hope you aren't either. I was afraid to leave before you arrived. I was afraid to go before I could look at you one last time. Before I can say that I love you one last time. And I - he was interrupted by another coughing fit - thank the gods for having the opportunity to do this now. I know my time has come, but I'm glad I was able to do that. I'm glad I didn't take my love for you to the grave before I shared it.

A new wave of cough, more violent than the previous one, this time.

Celaena's vision was completely blurred, when he spoke, she couldn't control her crying.

- And I thank the gods, for putting you in my life. I thank you for every moment we spend together. - She broke off, sniffling.

He coughed again and repeated his mantra.

- My name is Sam Corthland and I’ll not be afraid. Please Celaena repeat with me. You don't have to be afraid at this point. Or even if you're feeling it, I need you to say that to me.

- My name is Cealena Sardothien and I’ll not be afraid. - She said between sobs.

They stayed like that for minutes, but it may have been hours. Repeating these words as a tranquilizer. At some point, Sam's heart stopped, and he took his last breath. Celaena kissed Sam's forehead one last time. She could do nothing but cry over the body of her deceased love.

She hugged him for hours, stroking his hair and repeating that sentence.

After a long time, the healers came and tried to get her away from the body, but Celaena fought tooth and nail to keep from leaving him.

Arobynn appeared at the bedroom door, just minutes after the healers tried. His eyes showed pity and solidarity, if he was capable of such emotions.

The killer stared at Celaena, stroking the hair of Sam's corpse and repeating that sentence.

- My name is Celaena Sardothien and I will not be afraid. - now the phrase was nothing more than a whisper, but there were times when she felt she was screaming.

- Celaena. - he called her

She ignored him and kept repeating, she seemed to be in a deep state of shock.

- Cealena, you have to let him go. It's over.

She suddenly stopped talking and turned to look at him. He noticed his puffy eyes, his messy hair and his clothes soiled with the blood of his former apprentice.

- You have to let him go. And you need to bathe and rest.

She looked him in the eye, looked catatonic.

He took her arms, and pulled slightly, they were loose so he easily pulled her out of Sam's body and the dirty sheets, taking her in his arms, and she soon wrapped her arms around his neck.

- I'll kill him. - the killer felt Celaena whisper in his neck. - I'm going to hit Farran and Jayne. I will kill them all, and everyone who gets in my way. I do not care. His voice was curiously calm compared to his death vows.

- I know you will. You will have your chance. - was the killer's only response.

For me, that was the end that Celaena and Sam deserved, a dignified and complete farewell.

I know, most likely you cried, forgive me but it was necessary.

Well, as this was my little start, I hope you understand. I'll post things according to the inspiration, but I swear I'll try to post more.