i invented a machine that transcribes the inner thoughts of oysters and it turns out the first oyster i tested it on was thinking like "beautiful human woman riding a bike i am the bike i am the bike"and i tested it on more oysters and it was all "delicious sediment" "my mucous membrane itchy" "i wish to digest particles" so i guess that one guy was just real horny

This is the first time I've ever read a post and been surprised that it's NOT a one-time-i-dreamt post

cannot watch the return of the king without thinking of that bad bootleg with the fucked up subtitles that said “this will be the end of Gender as we know it” instead of “this will be the end of Gondor as we know it”

so true gandalf

ah shit they're gaining on us. we gotta jettison some weight. throw all those stolen boomerangs out we don't need em

On it, boss!

Bad news, boss!

I love when fiction makes the audience feel guilty about their role as the audience. When something fucked up is treated as a joke but later it's recognised how fucked up it was and the audience feels guilty for finding it funny. When a character breaks the fourth wall to plead for help, and you can't do anything so you just watch. And you know that the characters pain isn't real, but they're begging for help and you're not helping because their suffering is entertainment for you

How do I get inside your head

percy going, "i killed the minotaur on the first try, how hard could driving be?" and then immediately crashing the car twice will never not be funny. peak adhd self-hubris moment.

I can't I can't I can't I can't

HELP how is this a real published book by the most popular booktok writer I feel like I'm losing my mind

Imagine being a baby and your parents laugh at your huge balls and then you immediately fucking die

did you guys see the poem from a couple of days ago in poetry dot org’s daily poem it was so good and a treat to read 

been thinking about it since i read it 

I found out about the jjk hello kitty collab today and this is the first thing my brain thought of

All I’m seeing is a well paying job with good customers

Also?

MANY religions worldwide would consider this a solemn and respected post of work. Every form of paganism I have personally run across would say you’re doing an important duty. In Judaism, we’d say you’re fulfilling a Mitzvah by respecting the dead and honoring their memories.

If you go in with good intentions, any spirits still hanging around WILL NOT HURT YOU. Just show them respect.

Also seriously that’s nearly $17k a MONTH. I’ve had jobs where I didn’t earn that in a YEAR.

Even if those ghosts ain’t friendly, I am full-on taking that job. $200k a year. $200k a fuckin year. No retail, no food service, no manager hovering and riding my ass, no annoying coworkers? I’ll deal with the ghosts.

i’d take ghosts over people any day <3

Fresh air, no sitting in an office, no customer service, just me and a bunch of gravestones and maybe Maria from three graves down having a hissy? For that money, what’s not to like?

Plus like, what ghost is gonna decide ‘yes today I will take horrible vengeance on the person who quietly and respectfully keeps the plants tended and the headstones clean’. Whoever they’re gonna fuck with, it’s not gonna be me.

Fr tho, since when have you ever heard of the graveyard keeper being the one haunted? It’s always the dumbass who doesn’t listen to their advice that gets got.

Me and Miss. Johnson sharing some gossip while I tend to the rose bush her lover planted next to stone last year.

“how do you support multiple ships”

there are infinite timelines. in my mind.

if i see one more fucking person reblog this accusing me of forgetting poly people exist i’m coming to your house and not in a fun way. are poly ships not also ships. how do you know i’m not talking about poly ships. huh. you don’t. sh. mommy is busy commanding the ss zukki but loving zuko/suki and sokka/suki and zuko/sokka. she is also admiring yue/suki, suki/yue/sokka. etc

just realised i never posted this here omg

Zuko: well, if I was the blue spirit

Zuko: AND I’M NOT

Sokka: *suspiciously and reluctantly crosses out Zuko’s name on his list of possible blue spirit suspects*

"please just order, I don't need to hear the backstory of your cactus allergy"

the tags on this post do not disappoint

You’re a time traveller in seventeenth century England, and today you decide to swing by the local playhouse. The play they’re showing today isn’t Shakespeare, but that’s still cool, you might be watching some play that was lost to history.

And it’s good, it’s something about two alchemists and their quest to find the philosopher’s stone. But as the play goes on, you get this little. Thing in your brain that you don’t think about until the intermission.

And it’s while you’re at Ye Olde concession stand that you realize that the play you’ve been watching has been, beat for beat, the plot of Fullmetal Alchemist.

And you’re standing in the theatre with your mouth full of Ye Olde Poppéd Grains, because. What the fuck what does that mean. Is it a coincidence? Did Hiromu Arakawa base her manga off this forgotten seventeenth century English play? Is the playwright another time traveller preemptively ripping off Fullmetal Alchemist a full four centuries before it’ll ever be written? How the fuck do you respond to this

You look around the crowd processing this and see Hiromu Arakawa's little cow persona standing there in seventeenth century English garb as well. No one else is thrown off or so much as glances at the bespectacled bipedal cow in their midst. She makes direct eye contact with you and holds a single hoofed toe to her lips, before slowly turning back to the play and resuming frantically scribbling down notes.

The notes are for the actors. She's the director.

An artist : Aw man! I saw my arts were reposted on Instagram. I’ve asked them to take my arts down but they ignored me.

Me : Say no more! Click this link, then click ‘fill out this form’. Fill the form and wait for about 1-2 days, the staffs will remove the image you were reporting from the reposter’s account :^)

hope you don’t mind me adding some more info :’D

Many websites have those complaint forms you need to fill out to submit DMCA notice. Here are some of them:

Usually links to those forms can be found on website’s Terms of Service pages. (search for copyright or DMCA)

Any content you’ve created, is copyrighted by you. You have full right to ask staff to delete repost. Your works deserve to be protected. ♥

Yo. This better be my most reblogged post. I want to see all my artists friends reblogging this for their artists friends.

^^^^^ for all the artists with uncredited work on pinterest and insta

The Eiffel tower is going to be deconstructed.

Au revoir et bon débarras, espèce de connard triangulaire.