René Descartes: *thinks*

René Descartes:

You are younger now than you are now.

Can someone tell me how to help LGBTQ people in Brunei without just telling me to boycott luxury hotels I already don’t go to??

Boycott Shell.

I’ll give you an even better option: an organisation called Rainbow Railroad helps LGBTQ people across the world to escape prosecution and they’re currently helping people from Brunei as well as many other LGBTQ refugees from countries where being gay is punishable by law. You can help by making a donation to their website https://www.rainbowrailroad.com/ or contact them on twitter (@RainbowRailroad ) for more ways to help.

Boycotting a billion dollar company isn’t going to help anyone. Doing things for this organization will.

Couple goals

to every “openminded” christian who thinks youre not homophobic because you “love everyone regardless of sin”… please know you still make all the lgbt people around you want to die and if given the opportunity to cut ties with you they will … if that sounds mean to you then maybe work on not seeing your “loved ones” as sinners for just being who they are and start lovingly embracing their differences instead of barely, bitterly tolerating them

p.s. it’s a widely known “secret” that people who “love everyone regardless of sin” try to “discourage” that “sin” by being passive aggressively abusive and voting for homophobic politicians and policies which make life physically and psychologically dangerous for lgbt people

on age gaps

Right, we gotta talk about this. Elsewhere on the internet I saw an 18yo asking for advice regarding a man in his forties and his girlfriend in her twenties, who had approached the 18yo on Tinder and were intending on her losing her virginity with them. 

I was the only one commenting who did not encourage her to go through with this.

There is a lot to unpack here. 

I’m going to start by saying, teenagers of Tumblr, I know you’re not going to like a lot of what I say. I’m 31, but I remember being your age and that’s how I know this stuff. I don’t mean any of it as an insult, simply a fact. I want you to be armed with the information to be able to make informed choices about your life. 

I want to quickly point out that because it’s the most common occurrence, I’m going to mostly refer to older men trying to get involved with younger women, but of course people of any gender can be abusers and people of any gender can fall prey to that. If you’re a 17yo boy who has a woman in her fifties chasing you, this definitely all applies to you.

So where to start. In the original post that inspired this one, she said “what’s so wrong with two adults wanting to teach another adult about sex?”

Now, an 18yo is an adult. But there are different kinds of adult. 

An 18yo is a BABY adult. Adulthood isn’t achieved in one day; it takes time to become one.

Here is a list of things you generally learn between the ages of 18 and 25, probably the most important growing up stage (you know how they say “you really start to learn to drive once you’ve passed your test”? You’re out on your own now, the real learning begins): –how to keep a home liveable, clean and stocked up. –how to support yourself financially –how to physically pay bills, set up services and organise money –how to solve financial problems, DIY problems, emotional problems, and other issues without involving a Grownup –how to cope with illness by yourself –how to cope with a financial Disaster like losing a job –how to talk to Adults who are not your peers without subconsciously seeing them as an Authority Figure –how to have authority figures without subconsciously resorting to obedient child or rebellious child headspace –how to be independent from your parents –how you feel about alcohol, and if you want to use it, how to use it moderately –how to cope with the end of a relationship –how to tell a partner what you want from them, reinforce boundaries, tell them you’re unhappy with some of their behaviour without being afraid it will end the relationship

Those are the things that separate a young adult from a general adult. A lack of confidence and skill in many of those areas makes a person vulnerable to abuse, especially from someone older with an established career and home. Simply put: if someone has resources and you don’t, you subconsciously feel they are an authority figure, and you are not practised in reinforcing your boundaries in relationships, you are not in a position to consent to a relationship with them. 

I get it. Teenage and early twenties boys are crap. They’re morons. They love farting and videogames and they treat women like prizes. I accidentally fell into relationships with men all my adult life, but I didn’t know I was attracted to them until I was in my late twenties, and I suspect before that maybe I wasn’t. But if you’re looking for maturity, you won’t find it in a man past his early twenties who is okay with dating teenagers. 

Adult men do not just happen to run into young girls all the time. If you see an older man on any dating website or app: he has deliberately set his preferences to show women of your age. My Tinder range is 24-40, and I tend to go “eurgh” at the under 25s anyway. Because those people are in the same period of their life as me, they have similar knowledge, understanding and experience. I have friends who are in their early twenties and they are awesome people. But they also have extremely poor relationship skills simply due to lack of experience and I would not like to date them. And when I talk to people at work who are that age, (once they realise I’m not the same age as them, I’m really babyfaced): they treat me as if I know things purely by being older than them. I’m not a higher authority than them, but if I give them commands, they do it. They ask me questions on the assumption that I know everything a manager would know. I bet they don’t even realise they do this; I didn’t when I was their age. So we know that any older man finding young girls on dating apps is deliberately seeking them; we know if he meets them in the workplace there is a serious power imbalance. Other than that the most common way these guys meet women is by seeking out hobbies and social groups that attract teenage girls, so guess what? Predatory behaviour. 

Some of the reasons adult men seek teenage and early twenties girls and women: –younger women probably don’t know what good in bed looks like so they won’t call out the fact that he’s lazy and inconsiderate –they’re easier to groom into putting up with the kind of bad or even abusive behaviour a woman his own age would dump him for –they fetishize youth and innocence because they’re gross creeps who find the idea of willing consent a huge turnoff –they’re sexists who think women are prizes and objects that “expire” at 25 and are somehow soiled by having relationships instead of seeing that woman are beautiful, interesting and fascinating people throughout their entire lives –they are vile people who don’t give a toss about consent or having a relationship with someone who understands what that means and is his equal, and who wish they could date younger but don’t want to go to prison

If anyone dares come to me with some absolute guff about how it’s “just biology” to be attracted to teenage girls no matter your age, consider this: 1) humans can become pregnant up to and including during their forties and they aren’t “most fertile” at 15; they are still GROWING up to 25 and pregnancies in teenagers are dangerous 2) there are millions upon millions of people out there in happy relationships that cannot result in biological pregnancy for a multitude of reasons, and they are attracted to one another anyway 3) if you’re a man who uses Viagra and you’re making this argument I hope you stumble into an unexpected mine shaft.

I think once you get to your late twenties, the gap narrows between you and much older people because you’re experienced at being an adult, and I’m not going to judge a 50yo dating a 30yo unless he only dates 30 and under exclusively. At that point the power difference is minimised and the younger person can hold their own in that relationship. I’m not against age gaps as a concept; I’m just deeply worried about people who are the target of people who are attracted to them BECAUSE they are vulnerable, and don’t realise how unhealthy sexual and romantic relationships with older people are.

when I say I wanna have sex I don’t mean I wanna get fucked and cum I mean I wanna makeout with someone for half an hour on my couch with grabby hands all over my body and our teeth clashing because we get so into it that we can’t stop kissing, I mean slow desperate, needy grinding on each other before we take it to the bed, bumping our heads, giggling as we take our clothes off, trying to adjust and get into the right position, I mean having someone on top of me and looking up at them to see that blissful little grin on their face before they scrunch it up a lil and moan because it feels sooooo good and I mean making each other cum so good we end up all out of breath, a sweaty, happy mess, fingers still intertwined, my legs still around their waist, making out again, that’s what I want and it would be kinda cool if I could have it now

bro

need

There’s no deadline for figuring out your identity. Question for as long as you need.

Lmao 😂

ive recently found out that in the 80s lesbians who were more interested in cuddles and kisses rather than sex were called bambi lesbians

it’s such a cute thing omg let’s bring this term back

the love ace lesbians found for this post warms my heart mind body and soul and spirit

reblog to make an ace lesbian feel happy

Okay, so I hate to be a Debbie-Downer here because I would love to use this term for myself. But I went back and tried to look into how accurate this is and honestly? The only source for the term is literally OPs. Everyone who mentions “bambi lesbians” always points back to this post. I even went into archived text and lgbt magazines SPECIFICALLY in the 80s and it never came up. I sure as hell found every other kind of lesbian category (I could even tell you when they started to trend in the community) but not that one.

Sorry, OP is either lying or got lied to. But hell, use the term anyway because lgbt slang is always evolving. Make it a thing. Just don’t keep quoting it was a thing in the 80s because there’s no evidence and its misinformation.

…well, i mean, a quick Google search turns up the 2012 Autostraddle article “20 Lesbian Slang Terms You’ve Never Heard Before” which includes among its terms:

the author of the article cites the term as being from “the 1989 Alyson Almanac‘s “Dictionary of Slang and Historical Terms””, even linking directly to the almanac on Amazon.com.

a quick Google search for Alyson Almanac turns up a complete PDF scan of the January-March 1994 edition of the Alyson Women’s Book Catalog which, besides being an interesting read in and of itself (cw: for explicit sexual content), includes an advertisement for the Alyson Almanac on page 10.

moreover, on the following page is the very “Dictionary of Slang and Historical Terms” cited in the Autostraddle article.

[ purple highlights added for emphasis, blurring added for explicit content. ]

noteworthy is that bambi-sexuality is listed with the same definition, word-for-word, as given in the Autostraddle article.

meaning that regardless of how prevalent the term was or was not the past, there is precedent for bambi-sexuality (or, in other words, “bambi lesbians”) being a thing at least as far back as 1994– if not further back into the late 80′s, as the Autostraddle writer and OP have stated.

also, you know, this post by @queerasfact.

long live bambi lesbians, be they ace-identified or not.

the tea is that it doesn’t really matter that beauty standards have changed when we still promote ridiculous diets, even if sometimes it makes us feel superficially better. kate moss and kim k have very body different shapes but despite that, they both promote and inspire diet culture. whether it’s heroin chic or a tiny waist with a thicc ass, malnourishment is supposedly the way to get there. more so bodies that are not healthy are still being sexualised. mainstream fashion models might have another inch on their waist than a few years ago but they continue to ‘detox’ and starve before shows and photoshoots (not to mention still being far slimmer than the average woman). the promotion of dieting is still largely directed towards women. i wish i could find solace in the slight change in what we consider sexy but i can’t when the malnourishment and cognitive sedation of women continues to be what we ultimately consider sexiest

Harry Potter had a crush on Cho specifically because she was good at Quidditch, and could go toe to toe with him as a seeker. Harry Potter started developing feelings for Ginny after she joined the Quidditch Team, and their first kiss happen as a celebration of winning a important match for the house cup, and she will later become a freaking professional quidditch player.

Harry Potter is into jocks. Harry Potter is into jocks that, specifically, could kick his ass at his favorite sport.

I feel like this is an important thing to know about the guy.

Ace adults deserve so much more love than they get.

You aren’t childish. Being asexual or on the ace spectrum isn’t just for teens. You can have a happy relationship, if you want one. Your sexual attraction or lack thereof does not determine your maturity.

When people underestimate how much you can shitpost

this is it

everyone else can go home now

I am currently both a teacher and a student, and I am of the apparently controversial opinion that late work should always be accepted. Not just if they have a doctor’s note or their mom’s death certificate. Not just for one or two assignments a semester. Always.

“But that’s unfair to the people who submitted on time!”

I didn’t say you had to give everybody full credit. Drop the grade for each individual assignment by 5% for every day late until it gets down to 20%. Never, ever take it below 20%.

Here’s my rationale:

1. If you are a good educator, then you created that assignment in the first place because YOU WANTED YOUR STUDENTS TO LEARN SOMETHING. You still want them to have an incentive to complete that learning experience even if it’s not “on time.”

2. You want to prepare your students for the the real world, right? Well, if you missed a deadline (for example, submitting report cards), would your boss throw away everything you’d worked on, dock your paycheck, and tell you to try again next time? No. They would be upset with you, but they would ask you to take time out of your schedule to finish the project as quickly as possible. It wouldn’t cease to exist.

3. Based on point #2, if you are teaching high school or below, not accepting late work is holding children (who by the way, generally do not have full control over their schedules or what materials they have access to) to a higher standard than adults. 

4. If you are teaching college or graduate school, you are working with adults who are taking years out of their lives and paying thousands of dollars to learn from you. Why make it harder for them than it already is?

5. You have or will teach students with extenuating life circumstances that they don’t tell you about (e.g. chronic illness, caring for children or sick relatives, abusive relationships) because they are embarrassed to share this information or have already been taught to shut up and stop making excuses.

6. You have or will teach students with learning disabilities that they don’t even know about. I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school after years of being treated like I was just a bad kid. I suffered from depression and anxiety for over ten years before I went on medication. I did not even learn the words “executive dysfunction” until I was in grad school.

In conclusion, yes, we all know that being a teacher gives you authority but that’s no reason to flaunt it by imposing restrictions that don’t exist anywhere else in the name of “education.”

All of this.  In addition, I have a private and secret policy of not even imposing late penalties.  Between poverty and an undiagnosed circadian adventurousness, my undergraduate career was one gigantic extenuating circumstance, but I was never docked marks when I turned in something late.  For me to turn around and not extend the same grace to my students would be both ingratitude and hypocrisy.