Not Karl..

*flips through mental rolodex of fantasies* and what storyline shall we be drifting off to sleep to tonight

Clue: The Movie's multiple endings are fucking classic and i will stand by that fact until the day that i die, but hearing that they only played one ending each in the theatrical release is the funniest fucking thing ever. imagine seeing a great movie and going to talk about it with your friends/family/coworkers but none of you can agree on how it ended. and they did this in 1985, the absolute madmen

“Impeachment is divisive, it could destroy the country!”

Fuck it up, Linus.

See also: Sock’s brother, Sneakers

This is the Most Wholesome Thing I have ever seen :D

You lucky boi

This is why geese are so arrogant

I felt like drawing everyone’s fave little Saphire. Trying out some new brushes by drawing hidden di*ks.

Do not change or repost my art anywhere. Reblogs are love.

When two waves collide at the perfect time of day

my favorite thing i’ve learned in college is that way back in ancient china there was this poet/philosopher guy who wrote this whole pretentious poem about how enlightened he was that was like “the eight winds cannot move me” blahblahblah and he was really proud of it so he sent it to his friend who lived across the lake and then his friend sends it back and just writes “FART” (or the ancient Chinese equivalent) on it and he was SO MAD he travels across the lake to chew his friend out and when he gets there his friend says “wow. the eight winds cannot move you, but one fart sends you across the lake”

i googled this bc i desperately wanted this to be real, and guess what…it is.

the dude’s name was su dongpo (also known as su shi). his original poem went like this:

稽首天中天，

毫光照大千，

八風吹不動，

端坐紫金蓮

(Humbly bowed my head below all skies Minutest lights shine through my deepest bounds Immovable by strong winds from eight sides Upon purplish gold lotus I seated straightly by the low mound) (x)

on which his friend wrote “放屁” (fart, literally), and you know the rest.

(here’s a chinese source for the skeptics)

this is even funnier because just writing “fart” out of the blue sounds really stupid and random in english, but in chinese, fart (fang pi) is used as a common reply to, well, people talking out of their ass. kind of like how we’d use “bullshit” in context.

IT’S BACK AND IT GOT BETTER

Story of my life

Alllll aboooooard the old man traaaaaain

I’m in this photo and idont like it.

I feel it

when you just got done arguing with someone and u hear them say something under their breath

taken literally 1 minute apart

Ah, the ‘ol scream and sleep.