”The way you are is of no concern. Just life how you want, where you want.”

Quote by Ririchiyo Shirakiin, Inu x Boku SS. In a way, she’s right.

The Physics of Pain

Gravity

Through interlocking hands, we fall upon each other, hoping to hit the clouds.

Acceleration

Through the meadow, we chase each other and pursue each other’s smiles.

Friction

But then, our glares and arguments slow down the wheels of our love.

Force

We try to hold on, even if the bruises on our arms start to bleed.

Magnetism

We seem to both be heading south--we start to repel each other.

Electricity

Eventually, we lose the spark and the circuit of feelings are cut.

?

However, I can’t seem to find the physics for moving on.

The Four Colors of our Kaleidoscopic Life

Green.

As green as fresh fields over the noon sky We are the flowers upon the blades of grass. We have been struck by the fate of being marionettes of educational hands And with this we move with leaden feet.

We see the yellow building (it was quite small) And bestowed the title of "Scholars" (it was quite tall) And we walk across the grounds like feet through green fields Hoping to get to the day we fly on the blue skies.

Like opening a new page New experiences behold us From the chells we practiced at camps To the marriages we'd witness in Foundation Day booths They were new, they were fun--I think we enjoyed it.

Sometimes we were green with envy As we saw in our eyes our former enemies (remember, the entrance exams?) Sometimes we were as green as Harry's eyes Because we might as well felt like wizards With the way our first year brought us to new horizons.

Yellow.

As yellow as the petals of the graduation flowers That fall upon the quadrangle We become one step closer to catching them.

As we accustom ourselves to the yellow school building Troubles descend upon us Teachers, lessons, unexpected circumstances-- But we were as yellow as the sun, we remain bright Both in mind and soul

Despite losing seven soldiers Despite separations and factions Despite hurt and pain and misunderstandings We are double-sided; the more we hurt, the more we stick.

Red.

Sometimes you can see it within our hearts As we sing and act and dance the night away; Sometimes you can see it within our eyes As we curse the strings which bound us to this K-12 system.

Under the hands of our new adviser We work like a quadratic equation (it's complicated) Sometimes blood has spilled carelessly between us And stains the white uniforms and blouses (it will be hard to wash)

We start to see the truth beneath the facade Of everything we live for--the school, our school mates, and us However, we chose to live the life we want it to be It’s our uptown funk after all--there’s no place we’d rather be.

We become the new inheritors of power That the blue seniors would soon bequeath to us One more step closer, and we’d see our way out As we hang our jerseys back in the closet (I had a feeling we’d use them later)

Blue.

As blue as the building we are housed in Our ultimate challenge manifests With blue bruises, blue feelings and blue screens of death Could we still be able to reach our diplomas in time?

We were islands between seas--and we seem to have lost our ships Yet we stand strong amidst the feeling we were stranded for good We were trapped in everyone’s beaucracy, idiocy and brutality And our blue veins were about to burst.

We were now the presidents, the leaders, the survivors Of everything fucking life could catapult us in And now we face countless talks and brochures Of our future lives at the ultramarine horizon.

And now as my fingers dance across the keyboard As my lap lies my proof of graduating from hell I realize how real the struggle we had been in And how we chosen to stay instead of walking out.

Afternote

And so we stand there, looking like idiots Singing the songs we were not supposed to sing Acting the way we were not supposed to act And I sway and ramble and sing and look at us I guess in the end, this scene describes us best.

Lost people often lead you astray. The question is whether you would still he-help them ti-till the end.

Mayoi Hachikuji, Monogatari franchise. Sorry, I stuttered.

In the end, we all know that.

Rika Shiguna, Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai.

Sometimes the only way to save yourself is to delude yourself.

Yuki Takeya, Gakkou Gurashi. 

Realization

Over these past few days were days that I have never expected to go through all my life: days spent with you. I never expected it within all these years; I imagined that you were this untouchable being that I could never reach. So, these past few days I didn’t know what to do.

However, during those few days, I realized something. I realized that I thought I loved you. I thought I had. I smile at the thought of you, I imagine futures for us, I imagine you returning my feelings. But, however close we seem, we are worlds apart.

We barely speak, but when we do, we both speak blank words. We barely help each other, but when we do, it was forced and not of our volition. We are complete strangers to each other. It was time for me to let my delusions go.

After all, it’s only a delusion: the delusion that I loved you. However I struggle to maintain the facade of loving you, sometimes it isn’t enough: it has to be true. And I can never fulfill it. It’s the most damning of all damnation: the fact that after all, in the end, you can’t love her. You try, but you couldn’t.

This is precisely why I do not let others love me--in the end, I couldn’t love them back, however much I try. Every love I have is fake. And I realized it too late.

Where Is The Love, Barracuda

What is stronger: trust or belief? Care or love? Pain or regret? People always feel so many emotions.

Story of my Life, One Direction

There’s only 30 days left. I’ll miss you so terribly--all the more worse since my memories of you are fading away. When March 30 comes, I wish you’ll come to me, amidst teasing and cheers, and give me a graduation letter, even if I’m not yet graduating. In there, you’ll write about me honestly, what you think of me, everything. If you ever read this, and I’m sure you know who you are, I really hope you would. If you don’t, then I guess I’ll just wish you a happy life with your friends and school, and leave you be. But if I have ever been a part of your life that you do not desire to erase, please do this for me.

I wonder if you’ll be there.

I Wish For A Time

I wish for a time when I can love unconditionally.

I wish for a time when I can defend something I love so much.

I wish for a time when people love me so much they’ll defend me.

I wish for a time when I accidentally say something that they mistook for something bad they immediately call me asking what’s wrong.

I wish for a time when they approach me, saying “How do you do?” instead of me.

I wish for a time when a person finally understands what I feel at that moment.

I wish for a time when I don’t second-guess my decisions.

I wish for a time when I can conquer my dependence from others.

I wish for a time when memories never fade, no matter how painful.

I wish for a time when I can finally do something right, and I consider it as so.

I wish for a time when I understand why God has done this to me.

I wish for a time where time can never reverse itself.