More accurate:

Planet with the rings?

[10 years ago]

Google: Saturn - Wikipedia

[2 years ago]

Google: The Best Planets With Rings and Why!

Our wonderful solar system is full of many different planets, and some of those planets have rings! Read this article to learn that it’s possible to drag out what should be a one-word answer into enough words to make you look at 15 ads.

[now]

The planets with rings are Earth and Mars, which acquired the rings to commemorate their engagement when gay marriage was legalized in 2015 .

(Answer automatically pulled from WhatIfScienceWasMadeUp.com with AI)

One of the few things Wyll mentions about his past is that when he was fourteen he got so drunk he puked in Dillard Portyr's bushes. This is meant to be just a funny throwaway line, that's it.

But this line haunts me.

First, Dillard Portyr is a Duke of Baldur's Gate. In fact, Portyr is one of the longest running Dukes of Baldur's Gate (for some strange reason Dukes tend to die often under horrible and/or mysterious circumstances in Baldur's Gate). Portyr was Grand Duke before Ulder Ravengard, until (for some inexplicable reason) he abdicated that position. So any party Wyll is attending at the Portyr's house is probably for good reason.

But surely there's no important event that occurred when Wyll was fourteen that we know of—

Just kidding, there absolutely is. Arguably one of, if not the most important event of Wyll's childhood.

You see, Wyll would have been around fourteen when his father, Ulder Ravengard, was elected to Duke.

An election that only happened because the prior head of the Flaming Fist—Abdel Adrian—was assassinated.

Now Abdel Adrian was a beloved member of Baldur's Gate. He was a retired adventurer, who had gone on to lead the Flaming Fist and then become Duke. One of his nicknames is literally The Hero of Baldur's Gate. As Blaze of the Flaming Fist, Ulder Ravengard was his second in command. There is no world in which Abdel Adrian and Wyll are not familiar with one another. It is likely that they were close and probable that Wyll regarded him as one of his personal heroes. And then Abdel Adrian was assassinated on returning day in 1482 DR, in front of a large crowd of Baldurians. Except assassinated isn't quite right. You see Abdel Adrian was a Bhaalspawn, overcoming his parentage to become a hero of Baldur's Gate. Bhaalspawns are compelled to seek out other spawn destroy them and it was a fellow Bhaalspawn who attacked him. Eventually one of them emerged victorious from the fight but we do not know which one. The other turned into a Bhaalspawn Slayer and attacked the crowd before eventually being slain by the Flaming Fist and a nearby group of Adventurers.

Let that sink in.

Wyll was almost certainly in said crowd on that day. His father would have most likely ushered him away, perhaps into the care of someone he trusted, before going to join the fight himself. Many people were killed in the ensuing fight, including many of the Flaming Fist. It is very likely Wyll knew several of the people who died, he definitely knew Abdel Adrian.

And there would be no time to mourn. As soon as Abdel Adrian's death was confirmed, Ulder Ravengard would be acting Marshall of the Flaming Fist and on his way to being voted in as Duke. Suddenly everyone and anyone would be interested in getting to know Wyll, pegging him as an easy ticket to get at his father. And meanwhile Wyll is suffering the loss of some of the most important people in his life.

Likely a celebration would be held in honor of his father's new position. It would make sense for it to be held by the Portyrs. And then Wyll is suddenly thrust into a celebration with little supervision, his father being dragged off to play politics. And so maybe he has a little too much to drink, because everyone wants to talk to him and Wyll just wants to mourn in peace.

And in the end he throws up in Dillard Portyr's bushes. And now, years later, Wyll plays it off for laughs. It's funny, really, when you think about it. His father's big day and Wyll's just off puking in the bushes.

Wyll is always playing his suffering off for laughs.

Maybe it's a silly throwaway line.

Or maybe it's not.

Goddammit I knew I was missing something

Thank you for confirming Wyll did know Abdel well

since mrs, ms, and mr are all descended from the latin word magister, i propose the gender neutral version should be mg, short for "mage"

some people think this is a shitpost so i want to clarify that i am dead fucking serious. make mage the official gender neutral honorific NOW. i want it on my passport. i want it on my bank account. i want doctors and judges to use it for me. i don't care if it sounds a little silly. people thought "missus" sounded crass at first. call me mg.

benefits of mg:

drawbacks:

I like this a lot but i'd be jealous of the NBs who get the cooler honorific. now as a cis man who already hates it when people call me "sir," (i'm not a fucking knight) y'all get to cast magic while i'm still stuck here with my dumb sword? I don't even have a sword. At least give me that.

this fish is what we should be remembering on memorial day

Gay Denial (2009) 

Pencil on Paper

March 6th, 2009

Dear Journal,

I found out what lesbian means today, Ella told me at recess. It’s unfair because girls are so much prettier than guys. It’s like comparing a flower to an old shoe. But I’m not a lesbian, almost 99% of my friends are guys.

Shakespeare could only aspire to this level of dramatic irony.

happy birthday to lesbianism

Dog toy plushies have fundamentally different souls than that of regular plushies. Unlike regular plushies, which are content with just existing (and just go to regular heaven when they get destroyed and don’t mind being resurrected), dog toys seek Valhalla. This is why you don’t need to feel bad when your dog/cat/especially strong bird rips it to shreds, because this was the warriors death they were seeking all their life

I noticed today that the deadname of a client was clearly visible in their client file because it was their legal name, and flagged it for IT. I specifically flagged it as "Hey, if someone sees this and calls our client the wrong name, we'll lose them as a client." IT emailed me back immediately, and it's now invisible except on their contract with us, which the majority of us don't have direct access to, as opposed to their client file.

The reason I flagged it framing it as a loss is that what matters to most companies is money. If you can flag a bigoted practice as something that will lose customers, clients, or get them a lawsuit, that is significantly more likely to get taken care of quickly than trying to appeal to their better nature. I could have flagged it as "Hey, this is going to make our client really upset if they hear it.", which was my actual motivation for flagging it, but if I had, then it probably would have been taken care of in a few days or even weeks, not hours.

Always hit them with the profit argument for quick and decisive action.

I would still use my turn signals in the Mad Max Wasteland. They'd call me "Signal" because I'd hit my blinker before ramming the enemy hot rods into the side of a desert ravine. I'd use my turn signal every time. They would respect me for this.

episode one: we rescued the space babies and the bogeyman, yay!

episode two: we went back in time to meet thr beatles and saved music!

episode three: doctor who steps on a fucking land mine.

PSA gays: if you're wearing a mesh/lace shirt to a pride fest, sunscreen your whole chest/back before putting it on. I can't live to see another diva fall prey to sunburns with bizarrely specific patterns.