I'm so sorry! I don't have very much inspiration to write Narcos readerfic right now. <3

she's got the range

narcoctober prompt: Create a review, response, or analysis of a Narcos or Narcos Mexico fic, in the style of an Amazon review or a NYT book review or something like that. Please keep it constructive and positive, no roasts.

it's me! i'm the scientist

initially tried to write this in the style of npr book reviews but idk i don't think i succeeded. o well! anyway here's wonderwall

talking heads

MÓN: Everyone knew. Everyone knew! I told them I was saving it for myself until after we finished negotiations, as a treat for not shooting Miguel in the face, and nobody objected. I specifically remember telling everyone because this happened when we were all over at Alicia’s new place for some kind of housewarming party, I don’t know, I told Alicia not to move out of the house because she was just gonna end up at the old place most of the time anyways, it’s not like she can’t sneak girls in and out, I do it myself all the—

MÍN: What? No. Món’s probably just high again. What’d he say? [...] I mean, I’m not crying over Molina’s grave, but do you think I have time for DIY murder? The rumor is that one of the Arellanos did it personally, yeah, I heard. But do you—look at this fucking stack of paper on my desk. Look at my calendar. I barely have time to tuck in my daughter goodnight. I had to pencil it in right after random sample auditing our account book, and right before Ruth and I—well, anyways. I don’t kill people personally, I don’t have the time.

PANCHO: I’m the only Arellano with no reason to kill Molina, except maybe Mamá. I know everyone’s up in arms about him infringing on the western coast, but he’s young and he’s just feeling his oats. Molina was the kind of kid you want to employ, not kill. He was smart enough to move weight and stupid enough to not pose a challenge. These are the kinds of things you learn in jail; who to kill, who not to kill. I don’t care so much about ego anymore. Unless it’s Chapo. Then we should tie him to a truck and—

DINA: Sure, I can tell you who killed Molina, but first you need to tell me: what is this witnesses’s name, account of events, reason for being out so late at night, and home address? Oh, it’s just a rumor? Mm-hm. After Ramón called dibs on killing him, was there any reason for someone to kill him and then lie? No? And Molina trespassing on our western waters, did that affect anyone other than ourselves? And this rival of his, does he or does he not have a reputation for setting people on fire? Well, then. Go talk to Mayo. 

[Producer’s note: MAYO couldn’t be reached for comment]

CLAUDIO: —so then I thought that Mín was assigning him to me, you know, like a test? Of course I wanted to ask Dina about it, but that would be cheating. No help. I had to borrow Món’s car, though. Molina was drunk, I had a gun, and all the witnesses ran once they got a look at the car. I panicked a little, so I set the body on fire to destroy evidence. How’d you know it was me?

PRODUCER: I didn’t. I asked you how you were doing.

CLAUDIO: Oh.

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For @narcosfandomdiscord's Day of Tough Shit: write a fic with a word count evenly divisible by 500