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Pyrrhic;

@kgyifan-blog / kgyifan-blog.tumblr.com

you gave your life away the moment you were born. your hands always reach for someone else, always to pull them out of the darkness and leave yourself. would you abandon yourself in the abyss?
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gotham sentence starters ( s3ep13.)

( !!! SPOILER ALERT !!! for those who haven’t watched this episode yet.)

  • “ must be my lucky night.”
  • “ stop or i will fire!”
  • “ it’s you. it’s really you.”
  • “ oh, good job. thanks for helping the bad guys.”
  • “ you’re under arrest.”
  • “ appreciate you seeing me so late.”
  • “ doesn’t seem like i had much of a choice, does it?”
  • “ i needed to talk to you. i can do that better here than there.”
  • “ bending the rules. what a surprise.”
  • “ there’s always a reason.”
  • “ wow. it’s actually you. so cool i’m meeting you.”
  • “ you should thank your friends. they’re the ones who left you behind.”
  • “ ehh… i would’ve done the same.”
  • “ you can’t stop it.”
  • “ you think we’re a small band. but we are everywhere.”
  • “ how are you doing?”
  • “ i hope you had a nice sleep. cause we got a busy, busy day ahead.”
  • “ what are you doing?”
  • “ i’m reading.”
  • “ you need to fix this situation.”
  • “ there’s chatter. ___ is dead, or soon will be. that kind of chatter.”
  • “ listen to me! ___’s not here. i am.”
  • “ get up, take a shower, do that disco vampire thing with your hair.”
  • “ you will come, you will be your old self and the rumors will stop.”
  • “ why are you helping me?”
  • “ people think you like me, and as long as they’re scared of you, i get to keep breathing.”
  • “ are you sure about this?”
  • “ this is so stupid.”
  • “ and isn’t that why you have lawyers?”
  • “ right, ‘cause it’s ‘just’ money.”
  • “ or another choice is i could leave. i don’t want to, but… it is an option.”
  • “ maybe they were here the whole time and we just didn’t notice.”
  • “ i’ll just… stay here if that’s okay.”
  • “ s/he’s still dead.”
  • “ i know s/he’s still dead.”
  • “ i ran into some technical difficulties. nothing that i can’t fix.”
  • “ is everything plugged in?”
  • “ try turning it on and off.”
  • “ people have made sacrifices for you.”
  • “ you know, you make an interesting point.”
  • “ they want to see your face.”
  • “ no awakening for this guy.”
  • “ holy smacks, is that…?”
  • “ listen to me!”
  • “ great. thank you.”
  • “ i was gonna replace that lamp.”
  • “ so you can’t make some kind of gadget to figure it out?”
  • “ let me see it.”
  • “ so, let’s find out who the traitor is, shall we?”
  • “ good bluff.”
  • “ my, my. you scrub up nice.”
  • “ am i early?”
  • “ well, don’t say i didn’t warn ya, but… i did warn ya.”
  • “ you have been such a friend. tell me, what should i do now?”
  • “ well, i’m glad you can find the humor in it.”
  • “ did you really think i would be so easy to manipulate?”
  • “ what was your plan? take advantage of me while i was in a weakened state?”
  • “ my dear, you are tragically out of your depth.”
  • “ you get the message? we don’t work for you no more. your day is done, freak.”
  • “ how dare you?! i will gut you!”
  • “ i will hang your entrails from every lamppost in this city!”
  • “ walk away quiet. maybe we’ll send him/her back in one piece.”
  • “ i will kill them. every one of them!”
  • “ so, we’re good now?”
  • “ you were here when they attacked. you defended this house against them.”
  • “ and that’s the night i changed.”
  • “ don’t waste your breath.”
  • “ good cop, bad cop doesn’t work on me.”
  • “ you think this is funny?! how about this?”
  • “ if you insist.”
  • “ don’t touch me.”
  • “ what the hell was that?”
  • “ you shouldn’t have done that.”
  • “ really? you guys can bend the rules but i can’t?”
  • “ none of us should. me, them, you… but especially not you. you’re better than that.”
  • “ aw, that’s so sweet.”
  • “ would you stop it?”
  • “ look, you want to blame me for ___’s death, that’s fine. i can live with that, knowing you’re okay. but don’t let your hatred of me turn you into something you’re not.”
  • “ or what? if i change too much you’re gonna put two in my heart like you did to him/her?”
  • “ don’t ever touch me again or tell me what to do.”
  • “ i’m already on it, let’s go!”
  • “ no one’s going anywhere.”
  • “ we’ve got a show to do, and as you know the show must go on.”
  • “ boo! ha, ha, ha.”
  • “ wow… well that is quite a story.”
  • “ you know, i know i’ve been dead, but doesn’t that seem kinda crazy to you?”
  • “ hey, maybe you’re dreaming. try shooting yourself.”
  • “ they think i’m pretty great, huh?”
  • “ lunatics and idiots? ooh, my kind of people.”
  • “ sorry. head’s still a little fuzzy.”
  • “ you know, i was just reborn. last year was nothing but darkness… as far as the eye can see.”
  • “ i know you, right?”
  • “ why? ginger’s not your type?”
  • “ how’s it going between you and him/her? you still together, or…?”
  • “ oh, that’s a shame. i really liked you guys. hey, what happened?”
  • “ glad you find it funny.”
  • “ i get why you don’t.”
  • “ wow! you miss a lot being dead.”
  • “ you know what? go ahead, enjoy it.”
  • “ i see your point. to business.”
  • “ well, i suppose i should start by killing him/her.”
  • “ oh… who beat me to it?”
  • “ that son of a bitch is always upstaging me.”
  • “ well, i guess i’m just missing one thing then… where is my face?”
  • “ it’s all here?”
  • “ we did it, baby.”
  • “ can we just get out of this town?”
  • “ hey, smile. we won.”
  • “ yeah, smile. you won.”
  • “ go away, kid.”
  • “ you caught me. what do you want me to say?”
  • “ i just wanted to make sure i got it right.”
  • “ that about it?”
  • “ you want to hate me, that’s your choice.”
  • “ don’t ever come back!”
  • “ the time has come to reveal ourselves.”
  • “ there’s no way out. let the hostages go.”
  • “ you’re outside? you are, aren’t you?”
  • “ you don’t have what it takes.”
  • “ no, you’re the understudy pretending to be a star.”
  • “ you’re a fraud.”
  • “ well, for the record, you did one thing s/he never did… boring me.”
  • “ look at that. no charisma, no stage presence.”
  • “ keep watching. you don’t wanna miss what happens next.”
  • “ oh, sorry! didn’t see you.”
  • “ put your weapons down!”
  • “ i won’t hurt you, i just want to talk to you.”
  • “ you can’t do this!”
  • “ did you know?”
  • “ yes, it was obvious.”
  • “ you lied to me.”
  • “ i didn’t tell you the truth.”
  • “ didn’t seem like a very attractive alternative.”
  • “ fight me!”
  • “ hang on. we got a busy night ahead.”
  • “ so… how’s it look?”
  • “ you wouldn’t lie to me, right?”
  • “ say… you’re not mad, are you?”
  • “ mad? what could i possibly be mad about? huh?”
  • “ oh, buddy. you brought me back from the dead.”
  • “ what’s a cut off face between friends?”
  • “ i guess that’s true.”
  • “ you guessed right. bingo.”
  • “ what are- what are we doing?”
  • “ i will tear this city apart, brick by brick!”
  • “ is that really you? are- are you okay?”
  • “ i… i can’t talk long. i snuck away to the phone.”
  • “ who has you? where are you?”
  • “ hurry. hurry, please.”
  • “ you need to see this.”
  • “ am i alive? can you hear me?”
  • “ ah, screw it. let’s do it.”
  • “ as you may know, i died. uh-oh… but take it from me, death is dull. but coming back - that is something.”
  • “ leave it to dying to give you a whole new perspective on life.”
  • “ in the darkness, there are no rules.”
  • “ so tonight, do what you want. kill who you want. hmm?”
  • “ oh, and uh… i don’t forgive you for my face.”
  • “ you’ll never make it in time.”
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kgxjisoo

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kgyifan-blog
@kgyifan
“rise and shine, bastard.”
jitae, sweet, kind, loving, pitiful soul that he is had long since given jisoo the code for his apartment. tony - god knows how - ends up in jitae’s apartment quite often these days, and jisoo doesn’t want to have to call jitae up every time he wants to cuddle his cat. 
the perks of this is not just having access to a cat twenty four seven, but also being in yifan’s space.
yifan is a despicable, stinky, tree looking man, but he inspires a mischievous side in jisoo, surprisingly enough. perhaps it’s because all his threats are empty and because he just makes it so damn easy to make fun of him. a great, lumbering giant that one is, and jisoo is highly amused by the way he has to fold himself in half just to be a normal looking person, and that still doesn’t fix his face. 
jisoo (blessfully) cannot see said face now, because yifan is covering it under the blankets, not bothering to get out of bed anymore. 
“did you forget we have brunch today? jitae told me to make sure you shower before he comes back. he’s getting the fancy bread today.”  he remembers the first time he’d tried to invade yifan’s personal space he’d ended up with a shoe in his face and yifan looking three seconds from murdering him, but this happens too often now for yifan to put in that kind of effort to hurt jisoo this early in the morning.
jisoo pushes back the curtains. “let there be light!” 

Yifan finds Jisoo absolutely deplorable. Nothing more than a stray animal for him to get rid of, like that big cat that lumbers inside and has Yifan sneezing until his throat’s sore. He also has half the mind to assume Jisoo rubs the animal all over his clothes when he’s not looking-- it would certainly explain the collection of random cat hair all over his closet.

But like a doting parent not wanting to disappoint a child, Yifan learns how to live with Jisoo’s existence. Even if he drags the covers up over his body at the sound of Jisoo’s voice, feet sticking out of the end of blankets. This is him living with their annoying friendship as best as he can. Mumbling some sleepy form of ‘fuck you’ would be expected, but the phrase doesn’t make it out of his mouth. Because he’s tired of this demonic wake up call. It’s simply routine at this point for him to respond with silence. To be fair, he had forgotten about brunch, but he also would not be surprised if Jisoo made it up to stomp inside his room and force him to get up. If only he could think of something just as unpleasant and surprising. 

It’s as Jisoo is ripping open his curtains to spill sunlight over the back of bare calves that Yifan decides to crawl out of bed without contest. There’s a hum in his voice, hair mussed up, still in his tank top and pajama pants. He stands in front of Jisoo, hands on his hips.

And with every disingenuous bone in his body, Yifan musters up a pretty smile that would make Jisoo’s skin crawl and purrs out a response. “Goodmorning, sunshine.” He ruffles Jisoo’s hair. “How long is he gone for? We have at least a few minutes to ourselves, right? Did you have a nice morning so far?”

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[ somewhere in the night; ]

sudden in appearance, certain events in life destroy what you have always known, leaving a poorly salvaged wasteland to navigate. his father’s case took priority over everything and everyone, and he’ll never admit being controlled by his own grief. he has always swallowed his own anger, creating the knot at the back of his throat. 

there are moments that reek of foreign stability, only unrecognizable when one’s life shifts. he returns, but he’s not seeking comfort in surroundings that now feel like they don’t belong to him. no text messages were ever sent to jitae, avoiding the apartment for weeks. he almost uses the wrong key, struggling with the knob before he remembers to shove his shoulder up against the door so it creaks open. what a shitty place. 

it hasn’t change, but he still feels like an intruder, returning to the lights shut off, faucet dripping in the kitchen. the sound echoes in silence, and yifan throws his coat across the arm chair. usually he’d hang it up, but now all of his routines feel wrong and fragmented. so he leaves it, and his keys on the counter.

the room he slips into is not his own, breaking habit after habit when he carefully sits on jitae’s bed. the mattress groans, and every movement is slow. his arms hook around jitae’s waist pulling his friend up against him. jitae would often do something similar, always baiting yifan, seeing just how much he could get away with.  “Don’t elbow any vital organs. It’s me.” He’s quiet, staring at the back of jitae’s head and arms loosely hanging around their middle. “Although, I can see why that might be a convincing reason to hurt me.” emotionally driven conversations are normally what yifan runs from. he bites the inside of his cheek. his words lose their sharp edge. “I’m sorry.”

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[ induction of blood & iron; ]

the first thing he forgets to focus on is the cold. it’s always cold in Berlin, and seasoned bratva members only laughed when yifan tried to layer up. this type of cold seeps into his bones and inside his lungs, a permanent visitor much like fear. older members would steal all of his clothes when he finally risked a shower the first week. but these games were only a prelude to the real initiation, and he doesn’t cause a scene. they don’t react to complacency, but most times, surviving within the russian mafia isn’t that easy. 

yifan’s jaw is locked as he travels down narrow hallways now, this building windowless and dark. fluorescent lights pulsate above his head, flickering on and off. there’s no central heating, and his breath puffs out between chapped lips. a white cloud that quickly disappears. he has not seen dohyun in over a week, and it requires yifan bribing other members to tip him off about where his partner might be. he can only operate based on hearsay and rumors with little contact from hq. the bratva had not trusted either of them from the beginning, and they were separated.

he tries every door he passes, narrowly dodging a switchblade tossed in his direction before he slams the door closed. he only catches a spewing of angry German curses thrown at his back, knife embedded in the wall over his shoulder. they threaten to shoot him as he stands in front of the last option, metal knob freezing under his palm.

yifan almost collapses when the door creaks open on its own, and he sees dohyun’s back turned towards him. he quickly locks the door, shushing the other agent before they can greet him, or say anything at all. 

“They’ll be here any second to take you to a room.” He whispers, falling silent when he hears floorboards creak outside the door. A new version of fear settles behind his eyes, but his body is always prepared for fight. Yifan takes Dohyun’s hand, pressing something small into their fist. “We’ll be separated-- not for long, but long enough. If something happens to me, I need you to go this address carved into the bottom of that lighter. Jin will be waiting there for you.” Teeth sink into the inside of his cheek until he tastes iron, blood on the tip of his tongue. “A lot of people are going to die, Dohyun, and we’re not going to be able to stop it. We’re going to be the reason they die. That’s the initiation.”

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head hair hands ankles

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  • Ankles: Tell me a weakness your muse has

Yifan can be very impulsive. On the outside, he seems like much doesn’t effect him, but he internalizes almost everything. He is very emotionally driven despite his calm & collected demeanor that would seemingly! suggest! logic! and! rational! thought! He realizes this, so he tries to disconnect from his impulse to react emotionally, which is why he comes off very blunt and distant when others are emotional around him. You think it would be the other way around, but it isn’t.

Some of this also has to do with his father who was previously a member of the military and taught Yifan to always maintain control of his own emotions and react rationally. telling him to cry when upset, pushing him to become less inhibited by his emotions. Of course, Yifan was always rebellious and I think trying to contain himself for his father’s sake created a ticking time bomb of a person.

He’s an emotionally constipated individual. However–  i like to headcanon the fact that he reacts based on his emotions on missions sometimes & while some of those reactions are good decisions in the end that aid the objective, it often goes against orders. This impulsiveness and detachment from collaborative effort is a very big weakness and likely a huge factor in why he hasn’t been promoted yet. 

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Body Part Headcanon Meme

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kingsmanxrp
  • Head: What does your muse usually dream about?
  • Hair: How does your muse feel about their appearance?
  • Eyes: How does your muse handle intense emotions?
  • Cheeks: What makes your muse smile?
  • Ears: What kind of music does your muse listen to/play?
  • Nose: What memory does your muse’s favorite scent trigger?
  • Lips: Has your muse kissed anyone? Anyone they’d like to kiss?
  • Throat: What is your muse’s greatest fear?
  • Shoulders: What is the heaviest burden your muse carries?
  • Arms: What is your muse’s greatest strength?
  • Hands: What is your muse’s greatest regret?
  • Chest: What item or person does your muse treasure most?
  • Stomach: Can your muse cook?
  • Legs: What goal(s) is your muse working toward?
  • Ankles: Tell me a weakness your muse has.
  • Feet: What will your muse stand up for no matter what?
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kgjitae

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kgyifan-blog
large pieces of glass scatter across the floor when jitae drops his cup, and that helps excuse his flinch.
he does. jitae understands very well. he knows exactly how to make the wrong decisions that leave people for dead, get declared unfit for active duty and spend his nights listless and let his days pass wasted. he feels like he’s dying more often than not and then blindly chases after the feeling because he deserves it. he deserves all of this.
he hates himself. he doesn’t want that for yifan.
and it’s not as though he’s surprised to hear this recounted aloud. of course not. he knows all of this and it stands to reason that, amongst other agents, everyone else would too.
but it was easier being around yifan when jitae pretended like he didn’t.
“you’re right,” jitae says quietly. a flush takes his face by storm. he’s flustered and angry and embarrassed, but mostly ashamed, and yet even that is easier to acknowledge than the deep well of sadness that swallows him whole. he retreats from the conversation by dropping down and crouching on the floor. water rises up the well of his throat and leaves his voice wet as he gathers broken pieces with unsteady hands.
“sorry, let me just—“ his fingers press against his eyes and he spares himself this moment, hidden behind the kitchen counter.
then he stands and laughs under his breath, airy and light, like it’s meant to sound hollow, and drops the shards from his cupped hands into the garbage can. “must be getting drunk already. come back, i’ll pour us another round.”

He watches his words back Jitae into a corner without even having to move. The worst part is knowing he could apologize, reach out, offer something concrete for his friend to stand on. Instead, he watches Jitae shrink and allows silence to fill the space his apology should. His friend looks defeated and small standing alone in the kitchen. Yifan thinks about moving closer until Jitae ducks down to clean up the mess.

Monet had squirmed out of his hands the moment glass shattered, sniffing at Jitae’s feet. He sees the red around wet eyes when Jitae stands up again to discard glass into the garbage.

“Don’t--” he starts, nails digging into his palms. You always clench your fists when you’re anxious. You should learn how to calmly expel your anxiety.

“Don’t say sorry. You’re not the one that should say sorry.”

For being so close, it feels as if he had put miles of distance between himself and Jitae. He had been there when his friend left the field permanently, when the apartment was far quieter and Jitae’s door was closed a lot more often. He is too familiar with locked doors and grieving silence. 

Yifan’s grip locks around Jitae’s wrist, only to pull their hand up where he can properly see the cut. “--you’re...” But ‘bleeding’ doesn’t trip out of his mouth. He stands there, jaw locked and shoulders tensed up as apologies and reasons sit unsaid at the back of his throat. It’s an automatic response, his body taking control before his emotion becomes a real obstacle. He’s pulling Jitae’s hand under running water from the sink and then pressing a clean cloth over the cut. Guilt is a heavy weight and Yifan never glances up from Jitae’s injury. He almost mumbles as water runs freely down the drain. “No one ever tell you not to pick up broken glass with your bare hands?” Teeth sink into his tongue, knowing his words sound just as pointed. The hard edges bordering his voice soften. “Let me bandage this first.” 

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[ You Can’t Tame Lions. ]

Sometimes his entire desk was missing from the classroom.

He’s was not fluent in Korean yet, still in middle school, and he had a hard time explaining to his teacher why his desk was missing. The kids responsible for the theft glanced back at Yifan much like an outsider. He registered muffled snickerin after struggling with basic grammar. His face burned, but he never once dropped his head. No amount of embarrassment would ever drag down his eyes.

What he never ignored were the kids that targeted his sister. They teased her because she could not hear them. She still wore a hearing aid then, but it only worked well enough when she could read lips at the same time. She was hit in the head with a basketball during gym once, and Yifan watched it shatter on the ground into little pieces, just like that. An integral part of her world gone, just like that.

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