what a boob

florence and the machine wasn't lying it sure can pick me up put me down chew me up spit me out pick me up put me down a hundred times a day

Taron of Ravenhill

(OC)

An excerpt from Ottilie Marchand’s Study of Contemporary Fereldan Art, used as a textbook throughout the various academies of the Free Marches, as well as some of the more avant-garde Orlesian institutions.

oh yes it's that time of year

things i’ll not call you a whore for:

things i’ll call you a whore for:

why are lemons separate from food op?

everyone knows lemons arent food

lemon stealing whores are a huge issue separate from food stealing whores. there’s a whole documentary about whores stealing lemons from the trees of unsuspecting victims. you can see the first two minutes of it here.

Thats a rickroll. That totally is a fucking rickroll. No fukin way. Not falling for it.

dude, trust me, that isn’t a rick roll. its something worse

Me to the rest of tumblr after actually watching what was in the link:

…I really don’t know what I was expecting.

What the fuck did i just watch.

It- it’s not a Rick roll

Have we really reached a time when the Lemon Stealing Whores are no longer common knowledge.

picturing a roman empire equivalent of reactionaries who say "if you don't like it here then move somewhere else"

you actually do this but then the romans conquer the place you moved to and now you're stuck in the roman empire again

>be me in aquitania under roman rule

>heavy tax burden, repression, best land taken by former legionaries

>my small farm is priced out by local latifundium

>optimates say 'if you dont like it, leave'

>leave to germania

>romans come to germania, warband rallies to fight them, we lose

>enslaved, sent to salt mine in macedonia

>excavation doesnt go as planned, mine floods, i escape

>leave to dacia

>romans come to dacia, warband rallies to fight them, we lose

>enslaved, bound to quinquereme as a rower

>massive battle near aegyptus, enemy ram breaks my chains, ship sinks, swim to shore

>leave to judea

>romans come to judea, warband rallies to fight them, we lose

>enslaved, sent to latifundium in aquitania

>faciem meam quando

I’ve never been a real star wars fan but the phantom menace came out when I was 6 and my older brother was 8 so we were absolutely among the target audience and we had toy light sabers & we spent a lot of time playing star wars but my brothers were anakin and obi wan etc. and my best friend was padmé which meant i had to come up with a star wars oc and since my brother was anakin i decided okay. i would be anakin’s sister.

i made up a backstory that i was his twin sister who also lived on tatooine and i also had latent force potential but qui gon and obi wan didn’t even try to meet me even when anakin mentioned me and they left me behind.

this was an utter betrayal to me obviously, like my brother got rescued and i got abandoned and i could have been him and i should have been him. i should’ve been at his side. i should have gotten training and all else. i should have been a jedi too.

but they didn’t even care to meet me. so i had this intense grudge against the jedi and i ended up developing my skills myself and then i grew up and got myself off tattooine and set out on a mission as a rogue force user to kill obi wan.

and 6 year old me really embodied that role. she felt that. so when I was like 25 & rewatched the original star wars trilogy for the first time since childhood, when obi wan came on I was like ugh. I hate that guy. and my friend was like “WHY?”

and I thought about it and realized it wasn’t actually his character. I was remembering my childhood self insert oc beef.

Like, sorry you wouldn’t get it but obi wan and I have history.

best part of the games was the reveal that anakin turned out evil because I was like. you idiots. I wouldn’t have turned out evil. you took the wrong twin. but i’m evil now. congratulations now you have two evil siblings. stupid ass.

this character is objectively hilarious in retrospect because she would have shown up in some climactic moment to kill a jedi while knowing absolutely nothing about the politics at play and the rise of the empire and the sith but it would be assumed she WAS a sith and she’d be like ???? what are you talking about? i’m here to kill one guy. whatever you freaks have going on leave me out of it.

me showing up at the end of Revenge of the Sith like

yes she hated anakin on the assumption he had a chance in his late teenagehood to come back for her and he didn’t. she also hated him for becoming evil for no reason and wasting his potential. she was really there to burn it all down. she usually died in our games to preserve canon bc obviously anakin couldn’t die before becoming darth vadar & obi wan couldn’t die before meeting luke

but now I like to think perhaps someone could save her….I think she should end up in a Zuko & Uncle Iroh situation in Yoda’s swamp.

There’s a damn good story here.

It's the flip flop that's turned into an anklet that really makes it for me

Image description:

A man is walking down a dirt path, carrying a dog on his shoulder. Both are covered in mud, the man's left flip flop is around his ankle, and the dog is triumphantly holding a fish in its mouth.

End description.

Guy eating pussy but he's got one of those Bluetooth earpieces on and on the other end is a lesbian instructing him how to do it.

Reblog for a larger sample size, if possible.

Another post of Bidenisms not aging well.

I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

Stop says the red light, go says the green

Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. 

KNEEL, SAYS THE DEMON LIGHT WITH ITS EYE OF COAL  SAURON KNOWS YOUR LICENSE PLATE  AND STARES INTO YOUR SOUL

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

@irritatedlifeguard I agree with your tags.

assigned divorced at spotify daylist

Wanna trade?

Ayyyy

may you get your mallgoth punkish playlist soon

it’s monday i’m in the labyrinth

it’s tuesday i’m in the evil lab

it’s wednesday i’m in the time loop

it’s thursday i’m in the medieval torture apparatus

🌸it’s friday i’m in love🌸