You know... sometimes I get really fucking sad thinking about bts.
They're miles away so unaware that they've basically changed my life, changed the way I see the world, changed the way I see people around me... changed the way I see myself.
But sometimes I feel like it's not enough that I want them to know about these things, but I want to know more about them too.
I might be selfish, but sometimes it gets to this point where I wanna know everything about them, what they're doing in this moment, how they're feeling.
When these feelings of wanting get to much, I always sign out and go touch grass somewhere that doesn't remind me of bts.... but everything reminds me of them.
And when these reminders become to much, I get really fucking sad. Because in reality it isn't possible.
I'll never get to experience what it's like to be apart of their lifes, to be able to call or text them. To hear their true thoughts, see their true selfs.
In this life and even in the next, I don't think I'll ever get that kind of opportunity and I know their are billions of people in the world I could get to know so why is it that I just wanna know 7 dudes from South Korea.
Why am I yearning for something so out of reach? Why is it painful?
And when I indulge in my thoughts like this, I know I sound crazy, but it's something I feel so deeply about.
I'd never do anything to hurt bts in anyway, my love for them and their health and well-being is more important than my own.
So I'll quietly suffer like this for a little while longer.
I hope selfishly many people can relate to me so I don't suffer alone, but I also hope no one feels so deeply like I am currently.
