Anxiety

It starts with an insignificant worry. Creeping, crawling, very quietly in the back of my mind. And then it snowballs into a full blown, "I think I'm going to die" panic attack. My chest grows tight and my body mimics a game of musical statues. Only the party game has turned sinister and the stereo is stuck on never-ending pause. I'm drowning with each short breath. My lungs on overdrive, fighting my brain as I hyperventilate. I can feel my heartbeat pulse in my forehead and in the ends of my clammy fingertips.

Anxiety is so bad atm. Hate the feeling 😩

Boredom

It's hard to tell the difference Between screaming and yawning, When the background noise is deafening And the room is filled with tobacco smoke

The Rite of Spring

Leaving footprints in the damp earthy soil,

Virtuous young woman gathered by the river banks.

Walking behind each other, single file,

Until they were gathered together, surrounded by predatory men

They wore nothing but fresh spring flowers in their hair

And naive daisy chain shackles around their ankles.

Ordered to perform, they sang angelic arias

While dancing relentlessly in perplexing circles

Hours passed by and the midnight moon emerged

Yet the woman were still dancing and singing.

The angelic arias had transformed into demonic chants

And the dancing had developed into psychotic twitching

Suddenly there was deathly silence, and the earth fell still

A daisy chained sister courageously ran into the deadly river

Sacrificing herself for the sanctity of the twisted cult.

@barefootrapunzel

Show me

If you love me then let me know. Send me roses, profess your love to me seductively. Shout my name up towards the night stars and let me hear it echo, again and again. - @barefootrapunzel

I broke my anal virginity last night...oops haha!

Triggering

Yesterday I cut myself again after a few weeks clean and now all I want to do is it again and again. So annoying but I know I'll end up doing it.

Papa

He was man of wit and wisdom. A human being, who was the personification of a bustling party. The type of man who could make you laugh when you only wanted to cry. But in his senior year's his mind eroded and his personality disappeared into the dark abyss. He forgot my identity and I suddenly became an incomprehensible stranger staring back at him. Now he is passed on. No longer on earth, but only the diseased mind he developed is truly dead. His true character is still alive and roaring in my mind. I know his vision is no longer hazy and he is looking down on me, remembering his granddaughter. I miss you. @barefootrapunzel

Fluoxetine 60mg

I go to bed somewhere between 3 and 5 am. Sleeping on the left side of my double bed surrounded by dirty laundry, litter and discarded, bloody double-edge razor blades.

In the wee hours, I search for happiness through eating copious amounts of carbohydrates. Swallowing before I can taste. Push, pushing my feelings into oblivion, just for them to multiply and erupt like deadly lava later.

My mind battles with its self on choosing its next move like it’s approaching checkmate, but it’s not a game. Devil on my right shoulder seducing me with idea of “fixing” my mistakes.

Pushing me to purge the satanic calories into a white porcelain toilet bowl. Devil on my left shoulder whispering sweet nothings in my ear about my ugly fat body, encouraging me to make my body bleed, again.

After all, I deserve this.

- @barefootrapunzel

One, two, buckle my shoe...

One, two Why am I so blue? Three, four Tell me you want me more Five, six Stop playing mind tricks Seven, eight Tell it to me straight Nine, ten Please love me again

@barefootrapunzel

Feed me beautiful lies or I'll end up purging ugly truths. - @barefootrapunzel

Fallen Angel

Rain bounces off the pavement. Street lamps and car headlights illuminate a path for my barefeet to ramble. The wind mutters above me in tune with the rain’s soft whimpers. And the moon shines above me as I inhale the cool night air.

Imitating a circus performance on a tightrope, I walk down the white dotted lines in the centre of the highway, my toes coddling the sharp, coarse gravel. Trucks rush past me and planes flee into the inky abyss, mimicking shooting stars.

I close my eyes and make pretend wishes towards the counterfeit diamonds in the sky above me. I open my eyes slowly and rise on my toes, opening my arms like feathery wings. I run towards the glowing lights of the oncoming traffic expecting to fly.

- @barefootrapunzel

Untitled

I was threatened with a knife, once. But I didn't beg for my life I just stood there, shaking, trembling Waiting for the first blow I willed my own death I was fed up of being terrified Afraid of not knowing When the next volcano would erupt In front of my distressed eyes I was only 8 the first time. The first time I knew I wanted to die I believed that death would be better, safer than my true reality I wanted to stop feeling spineless Now nearing 21, I know I have experienced that feeling of wanting my life to end Far, far too many times. Now I want to live, now I want to be. - @barefootrapunzel

Sensual

You undress me gently Kissing every crevice of my spine Letting your hands run wild Trespassing through my anatomy

Your breathy whispers into my ear Act as a catalyst for the goosebumps That appear on my naked skin Our clothes left in the corner are useless

You dress my naked soul in your arms Wrapping your fingers to intertwine with mine The heat exudes from your disrobed self And warms my inside, making me feel sensual

Show me you want me Show me you love me Make me feel alive again Make our bodies dance together as one

- @barefootrapunzel

Do you fight with your fists?

Do you fight with your fists Or with your tongue? I fight with neither. Silence is my weapon. Hurt me And I'll bury the pain Deep into my soul. No one will know How you killed The fire inside of me. Instead of fighting with you, I'll fight with myself. You may think I'm punishing you With my silence and cold shoulder. But really I am punishing myself. Disconnecting From any affection received From another human being, I want to tell you how I feel, That I'm mad and hurt Maybe if you saw The scars on my body You'd realise All the things I wanted to say But couldn't. Maybe you'd understand Why I am the way I am. - @barefootrapunzel

Naked

My naked body It is not for you Keep your hands to yourself

- @barefootrapunzel