why does this whole scene look & sound like a YTP

This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

“Why is he staring at me like that? I don’t like it”

Things they don’t tell you about top surgery

- Talk to the surgeon about the size you want your new areolas/nipples (don’t be afraid to ask)

- Numbness. No one talks about this for guys who are about to have surgery. You’re going to be numb all in your chest area, especially where the incisions were. They cut nerves as they pass along your chest, and it can take up to a year to regenerate those nerves. Still, feels super foreign for the first two weeks

- Make your bed into a pillow chair, body pillow, two on each side, and two for your head. 

- Sleep alone. I tried to sleep with my girlfriend and it was miserable. You really do need the entire bed for yourself

- Go on Groupon, & get yourself a 10 foot lightning cable iPhone charger, BEST THING EVER, can reach from wherever you are

- Don’t take a week off from work, take two. You will regret the one week, and love the extra time

- When they say “don’t move too much, even after the first week”. LISTEN. I moved way too much and got so sore super quickly. 

- Drink lots of water & eat if your taking the pain medication, otherwise your stomach feels super funky.

- Get stool softeners, & don’t be afraid to take those babies. Don’t wait a week to poop. you’ll surely regret it. 

- The drains are scary & they may hurt while draining or rewrapping your dressings, but once they come out, the second they do, its no more pain, its crazy. 

i hope this helps someone, because i wish i knew all of this when i was having mine a month ago. Looking back its like everyone forgets all the real negatives, its a great experience, & i healed very well & quick compared to most, but the first few days are crazy. They hurt, suck but it gets better. 

To the few guys I know having surgery this week!

-the headache you get a couple days after the surgery because the anesthesia is leaving your body hurts 200 times more than the surgery itself. And even that isn’t too bad.

-after a week or, you ITCH. It’s awful. Try not to touch your stitches too much. An ice pack will help.

Here is a guide from a hospital’s website on how to take care of your stitches

keeping this for when i get my surgery eventually

for all my trans followers! please stay safe!

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently… I have new ideas

Weird that y’all think I’m sort of a disaster now and the majority of you haven’t been following me very long. I started this blog when I was 16. You all missed out on such gems as the time I wanted to go to a concert but I had to do the dishes first and I stashed a really disgusting pot in the broken never used dishwasher to do later

And forgot about it for two months.

And when I realized what I’d done and yanked it out there was a climax community eco system in there. Like a for real old growth forest.

I didn’t know what to do. Whatever grew in t definitely had to be part of its molecular structure by that point. I was super paranoid no matter how well I cleaned it that it’s still poison my family with some sort of new mutated super pathogen.

But I couldn’t let my mom know what happened.

So I buried it in the backyard.

And I was in the clear for two years, until someone in my family was digging back there, and it was unearthed, and my mom found out everything,

And I walked into my basement bedroom and it was in my window like the damn pet cemetery

Burying it cleaned it super well though so honestly I did the right thing.

So I’m getting a lot of messages from people who have similar stories and I think we need to pose this to archaeologists as a new theory to major pottery finds

Hold on if I get my mom on the phone will you make that an official statement

I wonder what Christian meme groups are like. I mean some Christians have the biggest victim complexes in the world and if you couple that with first person perspective memes, you’d probably get memes like:

Oh thank fuck it is my time to shine

These are all from a Christian meme group that I joined for some reason but fell in love with

I’ve been consuming Christian memes since I was about fourteen and they’re all like this. Also:

May I add:

ok i spent hours looking through christian discord servers for these

Some personal favorites I’ve encountered

I’m not sure if any of these count as blasphemy exactly but happy sunday yall.

there are always new memes every time I see this post and I love every single one of them

call me ignorant but i genuinely don’t understand why sports have to be split up by gender.

@ everyone in the notes talking about physical performance: if that were the case, then sports would be divided by physical performance. that’s a thing you can measure. that’s a thing that varies by individual. a weak man and a strong man would be an unfair fight in boxing/wrestling/MMA, which is why they divide those sports up into weight groups based on physical performance. but they also further segregate them based on gender. chess is segregated by gender for no reason but sexism. if it’s actually about skill and physical ability, then measure those and separate people by those metrics. don’t do some bullshit gender segregation and pretend like men and women are inherently on different levels no matter their individual abilities.

Remember that time a teenage girl struck out Babe Ruth? That’s fucking why. Men are afraid of being beaten by women.

Remember that time male swimmers were pulled out of training because Kate Ledecky was leaving them ‘broken’ by swimming better than them? Remember how she didn’t even notice, because she was busy actually training?

Shooting is a sport that has no reliance on strength and so any allowance for gender variation is irrelevant. The last time there was a mixed competition (1992) a chinese woman named Zhang Shan won it.

It’s often presented as for the benefit of women. After all, they’ll be heartbroken when they‘re hurt or bested by men.

Projection is a hell of a drug. 

this is why they drug test Serena like crazy. the believe no woman should be that good. let alone a black woman. and black women have always been considered “manly” and less feminine.

also can we talk about how surfing is segregated as well? like how the dude who won this years international surfing cup or whatever was given $30,000 worth of prize money, while the woman who won the women’s comp was only awarded like $16,000 of prize money???? or whatever it was. but I know it was either half or less than half of what the man won. like why can’t they get the same prize money and when they’re competing internationally in the same competition? they surely have the same level of skill and talent.

the pay gap in sports between men and women is fucking insane.

The pay gaps, not to mention lack of sponsorships for women athletes who don’t look like models is insane. If you weigh over 250 pounds, no one will sponsor you. It’s why most female Olympic-class weightlifters live in poverty/out of their cars.

You don’t want to be rich. You want to live freely.

That’s it

that’s it, man.

The idea of being super-rich actually scares me. I don’t want to be so empty inside that I spend my money on $30,000 ugly handbags and giant boats and shit. I just want to pay my bills without panic and support lots of charities.

And maybe go some places

and like help my mum because she deserves more than what life has given her man

do u ever wonder abt urself from an external pov??? bc like. everyone is p complicated and contradictory on the inside, but other ppl get a very simplified version of who u r based on ur interactions w them or what they see u doin

like if i was a cartoon character, what archetype would i be? if i was a design, if i was a DESIGNED person, what parts of me would be the most cohesive/emphasized, and which less significant traits would not be perceived at all???? its just bonkers to think abt i guess

The idea of spontaneously getting on a train and going somewhere far might be romantic in another country but England is too small for that. Pull an Eternal Sunshine and go where? Fucking Slough? Go to fucking Slough and get a fucking boots meal deal?

i only understand about 60% of the words in this post but i still think its funny

i’m watching an art theft documentary and they’re interviewing this art history professor from new york who was asked to go with the fbi to authenticate a rubens that had been stolen but it was a sting operation so they had to pretend like they weren’t the fbi, that they were some private buyer about to pay $3.5 million for it, and the fbi was like “this is a VERY delicate operation because you never know how they will react to what you have to say so let the agent do all of the talking, don’t say a word to anyone just nod if it’s the rubens, the last operation we did the guy in your position got shot because things went wrong in a second” and then it cuts to the professor’s interview and he says “i wasn’t going to fly down to miami to be a part of an undercover fbi sting operation to handle what could be rubens’s aurora and just NOT say anything. i was gonna have to ad lib a little” and then he tells the interviewer that when he & the fbi agent got to the hotel while he was examining the painting he started lecturing the other people, first on how badly they had wrapped it, and then about like how it had been painted, the history of it, what the subject was and what she was doing, etc etc, and he was like “i hadn’t taught a class on rubens in 15 years, so for me it was like being back in the classroom except my students couldn’t leave” 

at one point during the deal the professor turned to the woman selling it and he said “isn’t this just the most beautiful rubens you’ve ever seen outside of a museum?” (because the fbi had told him earlier that this piece had been stolen from a museum) and THEN he said “where on earth did you get it from?” and the group of people the woman had with her was like taxidermy-fox.png but the woman was like “inheritance” can you IMAGINE the fbi agent about to have a fucking aneurysm when this random guy you’ve brought in just to nod if it’s the right painting not only starts giving an impromptu lecture but then he asks how they got it

Not to sound too millennial but who the fuck would get off a plane to their dream job in Paris for Ross fucking Geller

rachel sweetie, you deserved so much better and i will never not be salty about that

remember in the percy jackson movie when they all got high in a casino while poker face played in the background

WHY WOULD THEY CUT THIS?????

This is legiterally the funniest thing snl has done in decades

they cut it because of the ONE gay reference

Same energy

both of these sketches were written by julio torres - here’s his twitter

Omg 😂

I just want you all to know that my dramatic 6 year old ass would have loved all of this shit.

I’m the dramatique™ hand to face moment in the broken mirror.

This Artist Experiences Sound As Colors And Paints What Music Looks Like

Melissa McCracken, a painter with synesthesia, explains what it’s like to see your favorite songs. [x]

“Karma Police” — Radiohead

“Little Wing” — Jimi Hendrix

“Gravity” — John Mayer 

“Imagine” — John Lennon

“Joy in Repetition” — Prince

“Since I’ve Been Loving You” — Led Zeppelin

“Life On Mars?” — David Bowie

“Tonight, Tonight” — The Smashing Pumpkins

i migght be overly caffeinated but i cried looking at these

i hate those fake deep posts like “oh you have 13 year olds looking like they’re 20 now i hate this generation” like shut up you know damn well kids aren’t allowed to be kids due to constant exposure to the internet and media which only portray impossible standards and mercilessly crush anyone who can’t meet them but sure it’s their fault