he’s had this dream, before. 

               but, it feels different, this time. normally, he can’t speak. his throat won’t open, his mouth won’t form the words he so desperately wants to tell her. like a metaphorical monster that he just can’t seem to run fast enough to escape. or the tunnel, the doorway, the room that keeps getting further and further away no matter how far your legs carry you. 

               this time, she is…tangible. he can feel the weight of her against his back, smell the gentle breeze she carries with her - steel, dust powder, and lilacs. 

              “pyrrha,” his chest aches with what he wants to say and yet he doesn’t think he should. this moment shouldn’t be about him, right? desperately trying to make amends for something he couldn’t have fixed to begin with seemed selfish. if this really is her, even in his dream, she deserves to breathe. to exist without a reminder she gave up everything, for nothing. 

              “pyrrha i…” i’m sorry. i wish i could change this. it should have been me. i can’t do this alone. none of it presses past lips. instead, he raises both hands, holding onto the arms around his shoulders, and inhales gently.

                                                “i miss you.”

                     “w-what?” hand comes up to run through his hair almost instinctively, expecting there to be a ‘but’ to neptune’s statement because he’s certainly not calling him attractive and he’s certainly not addressing jaune face-to-face. they aren’t at beacon anymore but…well, you can’t really shake off awkwardness, you just grow into it. he’s still growing into his own. a flush pulls at his cheeks, a hand reaching behind to scratch along the back of his head in a sheepish manner.

                   “i, uh…thanks. i just…wanted something different, you know?” should he compliment back? does he address it at all? or does he play it cool? jaune has no clue as to which one is the correct option, so naturally he smashes all three of them together as a disasterous, “your hair is cool too, cold stuff,” tumbles out of his mouth and no, oh god. he’s giving the awkward fingerguns before he can stop himself. // @waverise 

                   he’s doing it again. that thing where you stare off into the middle distance, unable to focus gaze on any one thing as he tries to mull over his thoughts. nothing in particular, just...a lot. only home two days from their latest missions, and jaune always wonders if they did enough. if he did enough. from the simplest escort missions to intense raiding and liberation plans, jaune overthinks. he thinks of five plans, and plans for backup when they each individually fail. 

                 they did well, this time. well enough there were no causalities when relocating a small village to a safer place deep in the mountains. but there could have been. he was sloppy. ren was there to catch him. like always. he should be better, thought. better than yesterday, right?

               dragon catches him deep in thought and the soft affection comes as a stop in the train of it. he recalls that perhaps, they’re just supposed to be stronger together. needing someone wasn’t the worst thing to happen to him, but rather the best. 

              “come here,” he breathes with ease, slinking an arm around their shoulders to secure dragon beside him, leaning over to press his face in soft, silken tresses. the smell of flowers and dragon smoke settles his heart. // @becomestorm