I’m Weird. Get Used To It

(Context: Time-Travel Bosoka AU)

---

Pre: Hey Kryze, take a look at this article. Turns out your little girlfriend was a Jedi. That's why she left: she was a spy.

Bo-Katan: [staring at the news]

Pre: So do you want me to help you kill her or can I just take care of it myse--

Bo-Katan, pulling out her communicator: SATINE HOW DO I SEDUCE A JEDI

Satine: ...the first time you talk to me in three years and that's your opening line?

Pre, who hoped Bo's infatuation would dissipate after finding out the girl she was so gone on was actually a Jedi who'd been lying to them the whole time, and is now doomed/obligated to help her bag said Jedi because of a stupid promise they made a few years ago as fucked-up traumatized and very gay teenagers: Are you kidding me

Satine's advice goes unheeded, or rather it's heeded but not in the way she intended. Satine is very much a "think about the things she told you about her interests and ideals" kind of person. She hopes Bo-Katan will learn to embrace a more positive and healthy outlook on the place violence has in their lives, and also will find a way to connect to Ahsoka off the sparring mat. What Bo-Katan actually gets out of this is "Ahsoka hates slavery so in order to get her attention I need to end slavery... which I can do by killing the heads of various slave cartels!"

At one point, Bo-Katan decides this isn't working as fast as she'd like, so she kidnaps Obi-Wan.

Not as a hostage. She just wants some input from the person she's pretty sure is Ahsoka's best friend. He'd know best, right?

She will pay Obi-Wan for his cooperation by dropping him off on Satine's doorstep so they can have an awkward dinner where they stare longingly when they think the other isn't looking as they wait for Qui-Gon to pick up his errant kid.

#Bo saw that ahsoka was predator and said alright I got to show off my skills #I have to kill to show that I can keep up #leads to Bo to Shmi and now ahsokas freaking out #did her banging Bo lead to no anakin????#nah the force will provide (via @i--am-melonlord)

EXACTLY except Anakin has already been born so Bo runs into Shmi with A Toddler and it's just like Huh. Didn't my Jedi gf mention someone named Skywalker...? Eh, whatever, she won't be mad if I just kill Gardulla and leave a comm with these guys.

#IM CRYINGHSHSJSJS #bo giving ahsoka dead things or pieces of them as gifts!! #she’s a space cat #a tooka if you will #this is how they show love #i’ve had my cats done the exact same thing with reptiles and rats and maybe birds

#bo katan in her space mail: to the one who holds my heart please consider this gift a show of my devotion to you til the end of times #and then there’s like #an arm of a hutt wrapped carefully in newspaper plastic and bubble wrap #it’s clean and frozen and put in a portable freezer so it doesnt stink when it gets to ashoka #very considerate of bo katan really

#pre viszla looks into the camera like hes in the office #when it arrives

#ahsoka: oh! do we have freezer space tho

#obi wan almost pops a vein when he stops himself from screaming (via @chocmarss on the original post)

Exactly

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

How do we feel about time-travel fics where teenage Ahsoka crashes the Kenobi-Jinn Mandalore mission and, while Obi-Wan is having weird courtly love pining nonsense with Satine, Ahsoka herself has managed to hook up with Bo-Katan.

It was supposed to be an undercover thing where Ahsoka hunted out Death Watch! It’s not like they did more than make-out in a corner between training sessions. Mostly they got into really aggressive sparring flirtation and then had to be pulled apart by Pre!

Just. You know. Once Ahsoka leaves Mandalore and goes back to the Jedi she keeps getting weird, love-lorn letters and violent gifts, because apparently, saying she hates slavery and had a bad experience with the Queen of Zygerria in particular means getting a head in a box in the mail, because when Bo likes someone, she flirts via regicide.

19yo Pre is 17yo Bo’s unwilling accomplice in seducing a Jedi.

Ahsoka’s busy getting teased by Quinlan Vos and Garen Muln. This only gets put on hold when the gifts go from “cool knife” to “literal head of a head of state,” and the Temple has to deal with that. It’s not a fun time.

Obi-Wan would join in on the teasing, except, well, Satine.

Qui-Gon is a little disappointed in both of them but he accepts that, in an absurd way, Ahsoka’s admirer is assassinating her way to a better galaxy, so maybe the Force did will this.

Ahsoka, after several angry spars with Bo-Katan: Maybe if I make out with her in a supply closet, we’ll get rid of some of that tension and I can focus on my mission.

Ahsoka, a year later and back on Coruscant: [opens a box with a flimsi newspaper clipping about the death of a Hutt at the hands of an unspecified Mandalorian, and some lightsabers that have been missing for decades]

Ahsoka: Ah.

Ahsoka: I appear to have actually seduced her.

Ahsoka: For realsies.

Ahsoka: The murderiest Kryze is in love with me.

Ahsoka: That’s. Something.

Obi-Wan: She included some beskar. Like, actual beskar.

Ahsoka, who knows exactly what that means: I can see that, Kenobi.

Ahsoka: I should make out with Bo. That’ll show her!

Ahsoka, finding out Bo-Katan is legitimately in love with her now, to the point of expending valuable resources hunting down Ahsoka’s enemies as a courting gift: Mistakes have been made.

#ahsoka space googling “gift ideas for when a hot girl commits murder for you” (via @kar-rambalkar-ta)

tfw you make out with a murder girl because she has good aim and likes your biceps, and then she turns around and devotes her entire heart and soul to you, and you are a space monk who cannot marry her, so she just keeps sending you the disembodied corpse bits of terrible people to prove her devotion to your warrior monk thing by doing murder so you don’t have to

~~What is my role at this point if not “putting Ahsoka in unexpected (usually Mando) ships via time travel”?~~

Obi-Wan and Satine are content (or at least resigned) to hopelessly yearn from opposite ends of the galaxy for decades. Bo-Katan is… IDK if I’d say she’s going to react violently if Ahsoka turns her down, but she’s much less ready to sit back and let things be. Cute Jedi girl knows how to fight Sith and Mandos and has an appreciation for good armor? Bo wants to marry her. Now or in five years, she is going to put a new vambrace on that arm!

#in a strange twist of fate it’s OBI-WAN who’s freaking out over this the most #because his romance is very star crossed and sad with full of yearning #and like—that’s how he’s always expected it would be. he was prepared #and now someone is sending DECAPITATED HEADS to the JEDI TEMPLE #for LOVE?????? #he can’t imagine why Ahsoka would want to make out with Bo Katan #let alone why she might actually like her #he’s almost worried that bo katan dosed ahsoka with some long-lasting aphrodisiac because that’s not NATURAL right #who would LIKE that #is Ahsoka okay???? is she brainwashed??? ahsoka watching all this: obi wan i don’t know how to explain to you that i met people ten times worse than bo katan when I was fourteen #ahsoka: and those guys were actively trying to kill me #ahsoka: bo katan is a step up in every way (via @willowcrowned)

Ahsoka: Think of it this way! I could be making out with, like, Ventress. Or Maul.

Obi-Wan: Who’s Ventress?

Ahsoka: A Sith. Well, almost-Sith. She was apprentice to the apprentice.

Obi-Wan: Why would you make out with a Sith?!

Ahsoka: Because she’s hot and dangerous and way closer to my age now? I dunno, future you was the one that kept flirting with her.

Obi-Wan: I what.

#obi wan starts hyperventilating in a corner #qui gon is just staring at ahsoka like ‘you broke him’ #it takes a full five minutes for obi wan to start breathing normally again #once he’s out of the room qui gon tells Ahsoka she really shouldn’t make jokes like that around obi wan #ahsoka says ‘I wasn’t joking’ and then qui gon is the one having a breakdown (via @willowcrowned)

[later that day]

Quinlan, wandering into the living room: Why is Obi-Wan brewing his ‘I just received the worst news of my entire month’ tea?

Ahsoka: Told him some stuff about the future. Namely that he kept flirting with half our enemies but especially a Sith acolyte. Dathomiri witch, if you wanted extra ‘this is a dangerous game to play’ points.

Quinlan, cooing: Awwww, future you made jokes about sticking his dick somewhere ill-advised? Did future Obi flirt with danger more literally than you already do?

Ahsoka, deliberately not looking up from her jerky: Don’t know why you’re laughing, Vos. Obi-Wan may have joked about sleeping with Ventress, but you’re the one that actually did.

Quinlan: I– Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon: He– All three in unison: fucking WHAT.

Ahsoka, swiping to the next page: Yeah, ‘fucking’ is right.

tardigradetheking

wait isnt ahsoka not even a jedi at that point in her personal timeline

I tried to keep it ambiguous as to whether or not this is before the Wrong Jedi arc.

Since she was considering going back to the Jedi eventually (before everything imploded), and the Jedi have not lost their way from being in a war in her new timeline, I’m imagining that her time with young Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon helped her resettle herself and come to terms with what happened to her and whether she wants to rejoin the Order in this new timeline.

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

pcklesthings asked:

I just saw your Bosaka AU, and all I can think of is that for Ahsoka, her closest source of inspiration for romance in Anakin and Padme. And like, Ahsoka knows that Anakin's drama increases tenfold when romance is involved, so I have to assume that Ashoka looks at Bo Katan sending her the heads of slavers, and goes "wow, that's a skyguy level move right there, does this make me Padme? cool, I know that script."

Context: Time-Travel Bosoka AU, Bo Needs Advice, Just Tell Her to Fuck Off , What happened to Anakin?

Unfortunately, I cannot agree! I don't think Ahsoka was particularly aware of Anakin and Padme's romance. The actual romance she was most acquainted with was probably Obitine, which isn't as helpful.

...she might read into this as like. Wondering if this is how Ventress would flirt with Obi-Wan? IDK.

Actually she might, and bear with me, view it through a lens based on clone romances, because that's her nearest approximation to how a non-pacifist Mando flirts.

I don't think Ahsoka's placing herself into an existing pattern at all, though. This is all new territory and it's not very intimidating, it's just A Thing That's Happening.

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

Anonymous asked:

Thinking about your ahsoka/bo-katan time travel au, does ahsoka go rescue Anakin? and it makes bo-katan think “that’s our kid now”

(Context: Time-Travel Bosoka AU, Bo Needs Advice, Just Tell Her to Fuck Off)

As mentioned in Bo Needs Advice, Bo-Katan freed the Skywalkers by way of murdering Gardulla. She remembered the names from conversations with Ahsoka and went “huh, maybe she knows their cousins or something?” and left a comm. Anakin is not their kid but he is very much little-brother-shaped once he gets to the Temple.

I feel like I need to clarify that Shmi doesn’t leave Tatooine.

Her friends are there. Her life is there. Now that she’s not a slave anymore, she could leave, but she wants to stay. She doesn’t know the Mandalorians. She knows old Jira, and the Darklighters, and the Whitesuns, and the Banais. These are people she knows and likes and she’s not leaving them.

She sticks around what’s left of Gardulla’s people, probably as a mechanic. She’s not, from the outside, anything special. She has a comm because apparently she has family that knows a Jedi, or… something? It’s not clear, but the Jedi do visit after a few months, when Anakin is three or four years old, and the Togruta girl starts crying on Shmi’s toddler while her friend looks uncomfortable, and her… Jedi Master? Surrogate father? Weird uncle? Shmi doesn’t know who this tall, long-haired fellow is, but he’s very polite and charming, in his own way, as he explains the options a child like Anakin has.

(Ahsoka has her own master in this time: it is, naturally, Plo Koon. However, this is an Anakin mission, and that means it’s Disaster Lineage only, and that means Plo isn’t invited.)

(So it’s Ahsoka and Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon.)

The girl named Soka tells Shmi that a child with Anakin’s power is likely to be targeted. It’s still Shmi’s choice, but… well. The Sith are not as gone as people thought.

(“You can’t just say things, Soka! Nobody’s supposed to know that yet!”)

(“I wanna keep Skyguy safe! Look, he’s just a Skybaby right now! Look at him!”)

(“Put him down before he starts crying, what are you–what do you even do with kids that young?”)

Shmi eventually agrees to send Anakin off with the Jedi, because as much as she loves her son, he is meant for more than Tatooine can give him, and he is… a little obsessed with the Jedi teens in a way that Shmi can tell means something.

She gets a promise from Soka that she’ll get updates every few months. Photos and such. Not much contact, necessarily, but Shmi isn’t the first parent to ask if she can keep a distant eye on her child once they’re with the Temple.

(Once Anakin is a Senior Padawan, he can come back to visit, but until then…)

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

dinlukedyke asked:

Pre: are you not discouraged by her lack of response

Bo: if she wanted me to stop she would definitely let me know

(Context: Time-Travel Bosoka AU, Bo Needs Advice)

Pre and Obi-Wan: Could you please just respond to the murder gf?

Ahsoka: I don't want to string her along...

Pre and Obi-Wan: So why don't you tell her to fuck off?

Ahsoka: ...

Pre and Obi-Wan: Please just tell her to fuck off???

Ahsoka: But she's doing such good work and it makes my stomach fill with butterflies when she sends me battle trophies. Do you know how many long-lost lightsabers we have because she targeted collectors? And how much of a mess the slave cartels are right now? Like, wow.

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

bytebun asked:

top 10 ahsoka headcanons?

Give me a character and I’ll give you 10+ headcannons

I'm on team "markings marbling is a sign of stress during key developmental years; facial is childhood, and lekku is adolescence."
Capable of chirruping as a happy noise.
Very low alcohol tolerance (alas, togruta).
Hid out with Bo during the Purge, and then funneled Force-Sensitive kids through a refugee network managed by Korkie in the years after.
Early and mid-adolescence involves so much calorie burning that not only is she eating all the time, but she's actually got a higher temperature than usual; this is why she dresses 'normally' before and after, but shows the most skin in her tween years.
She gets a different set of rations than everyone else (because all the rest are for humans).
Absolutely had a... I don't want to say hate crush, but maybe a rivalry crush? They weren't fully friends yet and were adversarial interpersonally even when they were cooperating professionally, but yeah, there was a whole thing about Bo-Katan for a few months.
That something came back around a few years post-Purge when they were drinking and commiserating and ended up having maudlin drunk sex that they both promised not to talk about ever again.
Except it happened again and again and again and eventually they just had to admit that an 'I'm lonely and need to not think too hard about the dead' booty call was probably a good idea.
Regularly hit by the instinctive urge to bite down on a shiny's shoulder because until they get their paint, that piece of armor looks like an egg. She's not going to do it, but you know how the tide pod thing started because they kind of look like jelly candy and your monkey brain goes FRUIT! BERRY! EAT! Yeah so if Ahsoka turns too quickly and only catches it out the corner of her eye, a clone pauldron 100% looks like an egg that togruta can and will eat raw, and sometimes she has to double-take.

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

(Context: Time-Travel Bosoka AU)

---

Pre: Hey Kryze, take a look at this article. Turns out your little girlfriend was a Jedi. That's why she left: she was a spy.

Bo-Katan: [staring at the news]

Pre: So do you want me to help you kill her or can I just take care of it myse--

Bo-Katan, pulling out her communicator: SATINE HOW DO I SEDUCE A JEDI

Satine: ...the first time you talk to me in three years and that's your opening line?

At one point, Bo-Katan decides this isn't working as fast as she'd like, so she kidnaps Obi-Wan.

Not as a hostage. She just wants some input from the person she's pretty sure is Ahsoka's best friend. He'd know best, right?

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

19yo Pre is 17yo Bo’s unwilling accomplice in seducing a Jedi.

Obi-Wan would join in on the teasing, except, well, Satine.

Qui-Gon is a little disappointed in both of them but he accepts that, in an absurd way, Ahsoka’s admirer is assassinating her way to a better galaxy, so maybe the Force did will this.

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

19yo Pre is 17yo Bo’s unwilling accomplice in seducing a Jedi.

Obi-Wan would join in on the teasing, except, well, Satine.

Qui-Gon is a little disappointed in both of them but he accepts that, in an absurd way, Ahsoka’s admirer is assassinating her way to a better galaxy, so maybe the Force did will this.

and-the-paradime-shifts reblogged

okay currently very consumed with the idea of an au where Qui-Gon comes back during the last few months of the clone wars… only he has no memories, is stuck on an outer rim planet, and is just wandering around trying to figure out who he is. Cue Ahsoka, who left the Order three weeks ago and ran as far away from Coruscant as she could (but now doesn’t know what to do and is contemplating going back), running into Qui-Gon.

Being Ahsoka, she spots some kind of shady business going down and tries to interfere. Being Qui-Gon, he tries to get them out of it, which works for approximately three minutes, and then they have to run.

“You know,” Ahsoka says, once they’ve found a good tree to hide in, too tall to be climbed by any humans not using the Force, “I didn’t expect to meet a Jedi out here.”

Qui-Gon blinks. “What’s a Jedi?”

so the key thing about this is that Bo-Katan, if you will recall, is trying to hunt Ahsoka down to get rid of her Maul problem (which: fair. Mauls are worse than cockroaches). This means that after Qui-Gon and Ahsoka ditch their initial pursuers (the process of which involves the theft of many ships, which Ahsoka feels bad about until Qui-Gon rationalizes it for her with some vague platitudes about ‘the Force helping those who help themselves,’ and then some much more specific advice about ‘not dying’ being a perfectly good reason to steal someone’s ship, and it’s not like those smugglers were using it right then anyways), they suddenly have a very scary group of Mandalorians after them.

Bo-Katan, who at least remembers who the guy who spirited away her sister when she was a kid is, thinks this will make the situation a whole lot easier. Unfortunately, it turns out that a Qui-Gon without memories is a hair more suspicious of random Mandalorians chasing him and his young charge (“I’m not your charge. I literally found you in a dumpster.” “Semantics.”) down, and just as capable of being as paranoid as it takes to keep them both alive.

Bo-Katan is not… pleased. She does, however, have a few more resources at her disposal than Qui-Gon or Ahsoka do, and a few determined Mandalorians are not to be taken lightly. Then again, neither are two technically-not-Jedi.

@phoenixyfriend said:

Bo “proves” she knows Qui-Gon by showing him her dead sister’s Instagram post from twenty years ago where he’s awkwardly eating a sandwich in the background of a Teenage Couple Selfie and he tells her that her deepfake editor got the nose wrong

Also something something Maul: Wh- didn’t I kill you?

Qui-Gon, brightly: Oh, did you? Ahsoka, that’s another hint for the list.

Ahsoka: Or we could just believe Bo-Katan.

Qui-Gon: I wouldn’t believe that woman if she said the sky was blue.

Bo-Katan: Clearly you got surgery to fix your nose, since it doesn’t look like anyone’s broken it. Something I would be happy to fix.

Qui-Gon: How dare you! I don’t remember ever getting surgery

Bo-Katan is three seconds away from saying screw it and just letting Maul have Mandalore.

Eventually Bo-Katan chases them straight into Republic space, which would be fine if Maul wasn’t also on their tail. Ahsoka, who’s not thrilled about talking to the Jedi, but is even less thrilled about Maul’s apparent vendetta against Qui-Gon for surviving. She bites the bullet and calls Anakin and Obi-Wan, who are, of course, in the same place.

“Hi!” Ahsoka says. “This is my friend Quin! Maul wants to kill him.”

Anakin and Obi-Wan, of course, say nothing.

@pitac89 said:

So, does Obi-Wan snap and fix the problem of Qui Gon’s unbroken nose?

Oh, absolutely. Anakin is, of course, swooning over his childhood hero come back to life to rescue his padawan when she needed it most, and there are multiple fantasies springing into being where they all live together and are happy and there’s no war and he has ten children with Padmé.

Obi-Wan is… I mean, that poor man.

Above all else: he can’t trust this Qui-Gon, because this Qui-Gon is, for all intents and purposes, a clone. An uncannily accurate clone, who has not only his mannerisms but his way of speaking, his way of looking at you, his way of being. And of course, all of those make it so much more likely that it’s a trap. A trap he can’t protect Anakin, who idolizes Qui-Gon, from. A trap he can’t protect Ahsoka, who has found refuge and acceptance the Order couldn’t give her in Qui-Gon, from. A trap he can barely avoid himself, because Qui-Gon is alive, because his life and his world have been falling apart for almost three years, but haven’t they been falling apart for longer than that? Hasn’t his whole life gone off the rails, diverged from the course entirely? And he wouldn’t give it—Anakin—up for the world, but part of him wants that life back so badly he can hardly breathe, and—

It’s a matter of minutes before Qui-Gon says something smug and dismissive like he can’t see what Obi-Wan is going through, and it’s so familiar and terrible and it makes Obi-Wan feel like he’s twenty five again and watching his master die and like he’s thirteen again and watching Qui-Gon walk away from him and he doesn’t trust this Qui-Gon, he can’t, and maybe he shouldn’t be a Jedi because Jedi are in control of their reactions and he most certainly is not.

He punches Qui-Gon. Nominally because Qui-Gon was being a dick. Nobody believes that’s the real reason.

#but imagine being qui gon in this situation #you walk into a room#a weird ginger man stares at you for three minutes without blinking #you make a joke #he punches you and breaks your nose #he walks out without saying anything #that’s your introduction to Obi-Wan Kenobi (via @willowcrowned)

I think it would be very funny if they brought Qui-Gon to the ship’s medical levels to get that serviced and the medic, being a clone trooper who’s been working with Obi-Wan for quite some time, and has seen him deal with Anakin for years without snapping, just says “Oh, I don’t need to know why he punched you. I’m sure you deserved it.”

Qui-Gon has some incredibly mixed feelings on this entire situation. He’d love to know why he’s getting punched. He’d also love to know why Anakin and Obi-Wan are having a screaming match with Lots Of Feelings in the hallway.

Ahsoka regrets many things. Being here is one of them.

#Rex and Cody taking bets and also sending Heckle Messages to Bo-Katan#Cody is 100% on Obi-Wan’s side no questions he barely knows a THING about Qui-Gon but he and the 212th are all Obi stans#Rex has friends on EVERY side of this argument so he’s just hiding#Anakin’s angry and Ahsoka’s overwhelmed and Obi-Wan’s dissociating and Cody’s 100% stanning Obi-Wan and will not hear a word against him (via @phoenixyfriend)

Cody: Hey Obi-Wan, do you want me to punch that guy again for you? Because I will totally punch that guy for you.