God I’m ugly

And fat.

Mostly ugly. 

I’m so fucking ugly. 

I dunno why I did all that tweet and delete shit last night when I could’ve just came on here and said everything I wanted. 

Basically I’ve had the urge to die for awhile, quarantine isn’t helping, and I don’t think anyone can truly help me. Problem is I’m basically a coward and can’t do anything so my only options are venting or....I don’t know what my second option is. 

I wanna die 

I’ve gotten so close these past few weeks too. No one knows how bad my heads gotten no one. And it’s better that way too.

I’m such a coward, honestly what would be lost if I was gone 

I mean I did eventually piss off an artist who I’m chummy with on Twitter so that’s right out

Honestly I also feel like I’ve lost everyone to reach out to. It’d piss off a few of my Twitter followers to see that I’m spiraling again, I dunno how Tracey will react, Ren will probably be annoyed. 

God I wish I could just.....I could just leave 

Ugh sorry anon deleted your message, but that was way to cringy (lol) to say. I mean it’s the truth but I shouldn’t say that out loud like I’m thirteen. 

I know this is gonna come off as some fourteen-year-old instead of a twenty-eight year old but I’ve taken such a spiral these past few days. I can’t even blame it on my period, but I’ve spiraled. All I can really blame is being alone with my thoughts in my room 24/7 instead of working so I can at least be distracted. 

It’s a dark place where I’ve fallen and I don’t think I have the energy to get back out. 

Back on here a little bit because if I put too much depressing shit on Twitter people get worried.

So in order to not worry anyone I’ll just vent on here for awhile.

But I really wish I were dead because I can’t handle my guilt anymore. But I’m too much of a coward to do anything so I’m left with my thoughts. 

And I don’t wanna come off guilt-trippy because this is how I actually feel I genuinely feel like everyone would be better off without me. And it’s been proven time and time again. Because in reality what do I deserve? The answer is nothing, because I’m good at nothing. It’d be better if I didn’t exist. 

Anyway yeah, that’s what I can’t put on Twitter because then everyone will be worried. And I don’t wanna worry anyone. 

This isn’t worth it anymore

I can’t live with this pain anymore

GOD I HATE MYSELF

SO MUCH

I RUINED EVERYTHING

NO WONDER ITS BEEN RADIO SILENT I FUCKING DESERVE IT

I JUST WANNA FORGET. I JUST DONT WANNA REMEMBER ANYMORE.