i am a vegetable

please just read the whole thing

“You get to drive away”

I mean…😶

ra ra rasputin something something sour cream

no, no, i have faith in the hellsite. this will reach its targeted audience when it’s ready

yeah , don't know if anyone notice it but I used the face from the spongebob meme xD

I am so in love with this. Everyone's drawings reflects their personalities so much!?!?! Gale with his technical measures and guidelines. Wyll's and Karlach's are so joyful and wholesome. Shadowheart's is clean and precise. And Lae'zel's is OP!!! Love this!!!!

It’s such a shame that ben shapiro insists on the whole alt right thing. I really do think he’d make a killing voicing animated squirrels

I'm so cynical about that two-headed calf.

it's 2 weeks old and still can't stand. yesterday's update was "here is a video of her holding her head up", with a claim that it's growing in strength - but in the video, it very much looks like the heads are being propped up by a bag of woodchips.

calves should be standing within 2 hours of birth. by the third day, they should be mobile enough that they're hard to catch. by adulthood, they weigh over a thousand pounds.

there's also a religious angle to this. many of the farm's posts have been intensely christian, the farm has described the calf as 'a miracle from God', and nearly all the comments are people offering prayers. meaning.....they might not be making the most objective decisions regarding this animal's welfare.

I'm in a livestock Facebook group and two-headed calves aren't as rare as you'd think. mostly, they're born dead, or die shortly after birth. this isn't a deformity that is compatible with life, and I just can't see any outcome where this calf starts thriving.

the garden of eden

They want to fire government workers who actually do their obs and replace them with MAGA fanatics who will do Trump's bidding and refuse to enforce laws, rules, and regulations. They will also change election results and cheat as needed.

In other words, the Heritage Foundation wants to create its own ACTUAL deep state of people answering only to Trump. (In contrast, people doing government jobs and following congressional laws is not a 'deep state' - it's just ordinary government. )

I know Project 2025 sounds like a conspiracy theory. But it's not. The plan was written by the well-known Heritage Foundation, ( The people who gave you four corrupt Supreme Court members!) and it actually has a website.

Read on Wikipedia. I don't want to put a link in to the actual Heritage Foundation website because I don't want that spread around. ( But it is the top result if you Google Project 2025.)

If you work for the US government and you're not a Trump fanatic, you should worry.

Obsessed with the DC tourist asking for clubs with a “no ugly people allowed” policy that plays house

Is this person NYC or LA? Place your bets

#if sir Walter elliot used reddit (@spookyohan)

oh my god this is me. i was addicted to designer amphetamines and completely delusional at the time of writing this. i had lost forty pounds and thought i was hot shit. i thought i was the reincarnation of Kurt Vonnegut. this was serious, and my friends laughed when they saw this go viral on twitter. it made me realize i had issues and im sober now. im also shocked i managed to stay employed at that time. To answer your question: im from LA but I grew up all around. I was living between Baltimore and NYC at the time. My mom is a beautiful Italian woman (Milan by way of Bolzano) and my dad is an insufferable Mexican from Montreal.

fwiw, my Reddit was suspended for this, im doing a lot better now, life is good, and im really happy :)

this is the most viscerally effective anti-drug PSA i've ever seen, not least because i think it's plausibly true, unlike the ones i normally see

new organs coming out soon

I showed my mom this (a genuine doctor) and she says that the inferior vena cava is real so I’m sorry but your post has been canceled op

yeah well this one is even more inferior

just a dogshit vena cava

the most "fucking, fair enough i guess" response ive ever gotten to something i said was in the ER

me: hi, i need a rabies shot triage nurse: oh? why's that? me: i got bitten by a bat triage nurse: what were you doing that you got bitten by a bat at 3 in the morning? me: removing a bat from my bedroom

im given to understand that it generally takes a lot to leave ER staff speechless, but it sure was a good 5 seconds before she thought of anything to say to that

#prev u say sol but u see. i have reblogged this post at least 3 times at different points in the past#bC PEOPLE KEEP SENDING IT TO ME!!!#i will reblog as usual.

@solipseismic i am FASCINATED to discover that you are a real person and not a fictional character because this has been tagged about you often enough that i assumed it was a fandom thing. is your story any more interesting than mine or did it just make a disproportionately massive impression on your fiend group?

i had to take a moment to compose myself this (fandom thing) is possibly the funniest thing anyone's ever said about me. probably not more interesting but like 200% more stupid and so accordingly has made a bit of an impression on most of the people who know me

>be me (freshman living in college dorm)

>go for a walk in the beautiful spring weather

>there is a bat on the sidewalk in the middle of the day

>sidebar to note that at this point in life my bat knowledge solely consists of "usually flying" and "only comes out at night"

>how terrible this bat must be disoriented by the bright sunlight (middle of the day) and fell from where it was ........................... roosting (on the sidewalk)

>if i put this bat in a box with some water and then bring it back out at night maybe it will have recovered enough from the. sun

>text my roommate asking him to put a towel in a box

>i pick up the bat (on the sidewalk) (middle of the day) (no gloves)

>one bat in a box later i log onto tumblr dot com and post something along the lines of: does anyone know what to do in case of accidental bat acquisition

>mutual from area with many bats: you need to get rabies shots IMMEDIATELY

>i have no car (freshman in college dorms)

>surely it isn't that serious

>thanks to google i now have 200% more bat knowledge and Boy I Fucked Up

>me to my mutual: it only bit me a few times and its teeth are so tiny it didn't even break the skin i'm sure i'll be fine :)

>i am of a curious nature so i google rabies symptoms

>oh! i need to get rabies shots!

so my ER experience was actually something pretty similar

me: hi, i need a rabies shot

triage nurse: oh? why's that?

me: i got bitten by a bat

triage nurse: what were you doing that you got bitten by a bat in the middle of the day?

me: picking up a bat off the sidewalk

triage nurse:

So, I know this is probably decently known and I'm sure others have mentioned it on this post, but...

If you ever wake up with a bat in your room, you should consider yourself potentially exposed to rabies.

As @solipseismic mentioned, the bites didn't even break the skin. It's possible the bat bit or scratched you somewhere while you were asleep, and you didn't feel it and can't see it. Ideally, the bat could be captured and tested for rabies, but if not you may need to get "the rabies shot" even without a visible bite. ("the rabies shot" in quotes bc it's a little oversimplified). And fun fact! Not all doctors or nurses seem to always know this about bats, so you may be unlucky enough to have to explain it to them. Here is a CDC article I've seen referenced on this topic before. Also, remember, there is no "wait to see if you get symptoms," if you get symptoms you are already dead. (I'm not an expert by any means, I just know how shocked I was the first time I learned this about bats and rabies and wanna do my part to share the information)

I'm collecting these. where is this damn kitchen

Building online businesses

"I'm eating ancestrally!" I chirp in my hyper-modern white kitchen as I pour borax into sour milk and chug it

Does the bovine tuberculosis also reverse pharma damage or

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.

No they aren’t.

yes they are. because they are fluffye.

OK yes they are.

Dog

Dog

Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs

No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.

They’re a dog.

yeah they’re fluffye

theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?

checkmate athiests

fluffye

okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused

If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.

Behold! A dog.

of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.

Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”

Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.

I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.

That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks

sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs

Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH

Tags via @jenroses

sharks are smooth dogs

BEHOLD, a SHARK

Taako Taaco from The Adventure Zone is Forklift Certified!

No the fuck he is not he operates forklifts wrong, impales someone, and then lies and says he is certified and Magnus did it

fantasy characters: “Geez”

me: who the fuck spread Christianity there

this two-years-old shitpost just gained a hundred notes who the snickerdoodles dug it up

W H A T

@rogha

In moments like this I always fall back on the fact that they also aren’t speaking English because they don’t have England or the many languages and conquering peoples that contributed to the creation of the English language and therefore the work musr be a translation into recognizable terms in our world’s terms. Call that Tolkien Brainrot.

Definitely funnier if you make fantasy explanations though,

Champagne is a wizard who sells bubbly alcohol.

It’s called English because of the original Lish people, all languages start with En here.

French fries are not potatoes they’re roots of the french plant.

Goodbye is now short for ‘good be your eye’ wishing you luck seeing the path ahead.

Jesus Christ is a long dead lich who used to cause everyone problems and we haven’t stopped saying her name when things go wrong.

And that’s the Pratchett approach