Possible future fanfic draft has surpassed 10,000 words. Woot woot. Let's fucking go.

Idk how many words it's gonna end up being but we'll fucking see how much SADNESS and TRAUMA they can contain.

The worst part of writing for me is being unable to talk about what I’m writing until it’s actually like 90% done.

BECAUSE IT IS THE ONE AND ONLY RULE THAT I ENFORCE IN MYSELF.

If I talk about what I’m writing before I’ve sunk a lot of time into it, I never write it, I learned that very early on with writing when I was in middle school because I would tell everyone who would show any interest every single of world building I had and all of the characters and plot etc. and then I never wrote it.

If I talk about it with people I feel like the story is out there in the world, so I no longer feel the drive to put it out there and actually write it.

BUT GOD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS FANFIC I’M WORKING ON WITH SOMEONE AND I CAN’T

AHHHHHHH

I’m actually editing it, and trying to write the majority of it before posting because I want it to be good, I want it to make sense and I don’t want it go off on weird plots that I never intended.

Like don’t get me wrong, I loved writing “Our love is shown in the letting go” but that whole thing with the institute and them killing cadets, and Ballister shutting it all down, was not even in my early planning stages. It happened because I needed a good reason for Ambrosius to do what he did, and then in doing so I needed to then have them take the institute down. But that story was just meant to be about two guys who never spoke after the arm-chopping incident falling back in love with each other and BALLISTER BEING A GOOD DAD!!!

On a side note: writing that story at that point in my life was really good for me, the epilogue being fully written and posted while I was in the living room while I was on my “night watch shift” of keeping an eye on my dad’s breathing so that if it got weird I could wake up the rest of the house to say goodbye was weirdly cathartic. And looking back kind of funny. I needed that story to be focused around Ballister literally doing everything in his power to make sure his daughter was safe, cared for, loved and in a world that was better to her than it was to him.

Sorry y’all I just like to spill my heart out sometimes into the void and talk about why I wrote something the way I did and also why I am frustrated with my own writing process.

Anyway, something is in the works that I can’t talk about because then I won’t write it. The only info I can allow myself to share is that it’s a fanfic for Arcane and it’s sad in hopefully a good way.

Yeah, it’s not just a culture shift with a specific band. Concerts post-Covid are horrendous. I used to get down in the pits in high school and college. We were not in the pit tonight and I am going to be more bruised than I ever was at pre-covid concerts because three different drunk people kept pushing into us. At one point one hard enough to almost knock my wife over, and I had to like push myself between them and her, because I can keep a rigid posture and just became a fucking wall so that she wasn’t getting knocked around as much. Shit is absolutely ridiculous.

You’d think post-Covid people would be more respectful of each others space at concerts. I got a knee to my back tonight and they had the audacity to act like I was in their way when I am just trying to watch the show and dance along in the sliver of space I have (again, I was not in the pit, and we specifically stuck to the edge so that we didn’t have people pushing up against our backs, yet they still fucking managed to). Meanwhile, 5 years ago when I wasn’t in the pit and someone grazed my head while raising their arms, they said sorry and then didn’t do it again.

Hopeful that I have the energy to actually write this fanfiction, but we will see if it ever graces the screens of my fellow AO3 readers.

But sir, he’s pathetic and love him.

Let me shake him like a GODDAMN SQUEAKY TOY.

Called in sick to make the forty minute drive to go see the eclipse today.

Ya know, I think it’s done. This is peak comedy and heartbreak.

I just like to see sad pathetic men suffer. Maybe it’s because I’m sad pathetic man (adjacent) and I think I deserve to suffer.

Nah, it’s just that I’m horny on main for a guy that I could shove up against the wall.

Y’all I read one of the most heart wrenching fanfics today , it’s so good but I am suffering because the author hasn’t updated the sequel since June. AHHHHHHHH I love all y’all fellow writers, and I totally get dropping a WIP because I do it to, but the fear of them not making up in that verse is like painful to think about.