The Source Spoons, or: How to Stop Thinking and Heed the CHIME
When I found the Source Spoons, reality and the knowledge therein became irrelevant. But what does this mean? And how? And why? I will dispense this information to you now, as it is pointless to waste too much time on the mundane activities of βreadingβ and βcomprehension.β You will not need these things for long.
PART I β HOW did Spoon?
My stronghold reached its final stage on 16 Suns Dusk. The progression of the roots was a particularly violent one, being spurned on by the souls of Storm Atronachs, their power coursing through the crystals which you may know to be produced alongside a Telvanni tower. I had no patience for a slow tower, and the foreman (a green beast-like Cat by the name of Gashnakh gra-Mughol, though she responds to any series of guttural noises) complained often of me demanding daily progress reports. She remains employed β begrudgingly so.
Upon completion of my towerβββherein referred to as Tel Uvirith (a name inherited from a previous owner who is quite literally not worth our time but rest assured caused me much trouble), the Telvanni Councilors saw fit to gift me a Silver Staff of Peace, a Weird Telvanni Helmet, some commemorative bowls, andβββmost importantlyβββa set of 5 pristine, silver spoons.
My initial response, of course, was to order their removal β perhaps re-gifting them to Salmeama, the cute Altmer whom I had hired to cook and also to oversee the various Cats living in Tel Uvirith. I ordered my assistant Gavyn (again, not worth our time) to box up the spoons and remove them from my sight when a thunderous boom erupted from the bowels of the Tower.
I have since learned that the Tower crystals are wont to discharge their energy at random intervals as they become accustomed to their surroundings. As I came across Gavyn, rather pathetically dispatched into the corner of the Vault, I found the box of 5 spoons on the floor in the center of the room. As I approached, a wave of sound β at once both a chime as well as a wail, pierced the Weird Helmet (I had worn it to demoralize the Cats, as they seemed to be distressed by its presence) and subsequently ricocheted around the interior, piercing my own brain multiple times in the process.
This was the last time I knew silence.
Part II β WHAT did Spoon?
I awoke to the Cosmos. For an inordinate amount of time, I did not reside on Nirn. And what I heard were billions of voices crying out in unison (something about requests to escort, fetching plants, finding lost pantsβ¦who can say what madness exists beyond our mortal plane). But when they at last ceased, I was left with something much more pure, both sinister and reassuring, terrifying and calming, light and dark, calm and chaotic.
THE CHIME.
As the concussion of energy hit the Spoons, it set in motion a vibration which has not ceased since. The Spoons, emitting a CHIME which was then threaded through my brain by means of which I have not yet come to understand. But the links which bind the CHIME to me are rooted in something not of this plane. These links carry the vibration from their source to me β and with it β the MESSAGE.
The MESSAGE is funneled into the Source Spoons, whose perfect forms collect, cradle, and amplify it, redirecting it into the Listener. The average person hears nothing, or at most, a singular clang. Disgusting and pointless in nature, it is dismissed as mere sound. But to one who is rooted and threaded to the Source, in the same way that Tel Uvirith is rooted to Nirn, the CHIME is transmitted.
The CHIME at first met resistance from the Weird Telvanni Helmet. Its velocity and power reduced, it now remains inside my head, unable to escape and permanently ricocheting within my brain matter. But it is quiet, weak. It requires the Spoons to be heard more clearly. I have carried the Source Spoons with me since that day β the day which I became the receiver of the CHIME. I should perhaps feel blessed, for if not for the helmet, the CHIME may have passed harmlessly through my powerful, impressive brain.
But for what purpose?
Part III β WHY did Spoon?
The reader with a less impressive brain may wonder of the nature of the MESSAGE. It was not discussed previously, and so will be now.
The MESSAGE is channeled, through the Great Beyond of the Cosmos (and beyond) in order to reach my brain and the CHIME therein. But the MESSAGE is not a singular point β it does not have an objective. Rather it is a state of being. It is a set of instructions, a code of conduct, a way of life (it is NOT a phase). A series of coordinates from now and continuing onward. To deviate from the MESSAGE is to ignore the whole, to admit futility in all things.
But the message is disjointed. Broken. To shreds, it is said. As Crab Meat & Scuttle cannot be made without the unfortunate meat of a mudcrab, and as the successful harvest cannot be made without the misery and suffering of Cats, so too can the MESSAGE not be made whole with only five Spoons. The Five Spoons are the Source but not the whole. They are merely the model of the greater structure β of a large web, collecting and funneling the words and secrets of the cosmos directly into my brain.
A Spoon of silver desires to sing. But through some great unknown catastrophe, the Spoons were scattered β the song broken, the message lost (to shreds, it is said). Anyone seeking to clearly hear the CHIME and receive the MESSAGE must assemble more Spoons. This becomes abundantly clear to all except the most dense of Cats.
If it has NOT become abundantly clear to you β I will now succinctly summarize what it means to receive and heed the CHIME (to be a Chimer, a term I have just coined) in the form of a set of rules β easily digestible for a weak and mild brain.
Part IV β Rules for Mer Who Canβt Heed the CHIME Good and Wanna Learn to Ignore Other Stuff Good Too
1) Seize Spoons of silver at ANY cost β Each spoon strengthens the CHIME, decodes the MESSAGE, and impresses your CRUSH
2) Recognize the hallucinatory nature of RealityβββNone of this is real, and it is all irrelevant. The CHIME highlights the necessary while drowning out the chaff.
3) Receive the MESSAGE with equanimity β it is not your place to question, judge, rearrange, rank, taste, compliment, acknowledge, or lust after what has been CHIMEβd.
4) IGNORE the Spoons of Wood β they DO NOT matter, are disgusting and spread disease. Wooden Spoons are for fetchers and Nords (Cats of the North).
5) Purge Reality of the Fork whenever possible β the pointy tines puncture but do not retain. They hold no energy and thus should not hold your attention OR a place on this plane.
6) Maintain the Mind β the CHIME of the Spoon digs into the mind just as the Telvanni roots dig into Nirn. Maintain the purity of this soil by IGNORING the pollutants of Mundane Knowledge. Names, Dates, Places β these things do not matter.
The chiming of the Spoon ends here.
Terra β Spoon Magister of Tel Uvirith; Spoon Maiden; Speaker for the Dead; Inventor of the Scrib Vitamin; Developer of the Cerebral Bore; Knower of Cats; Brewer of Backwoods Moonshine Potions; And Many Additional Titles
