I was expecting anything but not Bard

Wizard supremacy 😎

I got a monk. I am NOT a monk. I do not do physical.

Sorcerer, Warlock or Wizard.... yes. Cleric, perhaps.

I am NOT pop,pop

So I just saw a post by a random personal blog that said “don’t follow me if we never even had a conversation before” and?????? Not to be rude but literally what the fuck??????????

I’ve had people (non-pornbots) try to strike conversation out of nowhere in my DMs recently, and now I’m wondering if they were doing that because they wanted to follow me and thought they needed to interact first. I feel compelled to say, just in case, that it’s totally okay to follow this blog (or my side blog, for that matter) even if we’ve never talked before.

Also, I’m legit confused. Is this how follow culture works right now? It was worded like it’s common sense but is that really a thing?

Saw a sharp increase in my follower count after posting this. The legitimacy of it is driving me nuts so I also feel the need to say that you can follow anyone on here regardless of whether you’ve interacted with them or not. People like the above mentioned blog are exceptions. Perhaps they themselves think they aren’t and therefore will act like they aren’t, but they are, trust me.

Just follow anyone you wanna follow. The worst thing that can happen is maybe getting soft-blocked by the other person, but if they do soft-block you, then they were never that worth following in the first place.

wow. really hope this isn't actually a norm taking hold with new users! this isn't facebook, you don't need to know people before following them

this is the '10 year mutuals you've never spoken to once' site

I have mutuals I've never spoken to, but yet consider dear friends because of reblogging/like mutualism.

This is tumblr! Embrace the Weird!

Whatever you do don't think about how "I really fucking miss you" and "Can you come here?" are things Orym has been asking of his husband since the say he lost him.

And now he's reeling from another loss to Otohan and begging Dorian for the same thing.

And Dorian is pushing his way through hard to be able to answer with "Yes."

Too late. I'm thinking.

Reblog if you are a simblr of either the Sims 2 or the Sims 3 (or both).

I wanna support more simblr accounts despite have being retired from Sims role playing myself, especially since they're overshadowed by the Sims 4 nowadays. I have nothing against those who enjoy the Sims 4, but as a long time simmer I still wish to support other fellow simmers who are active in the same simblr as the one I grew up with. 🫶🏻

And yes, you're free to reblog this even if you're retired but still love the Sims!

So long as somebody else is paying and it doesn't interfere with my benefits, I'll take the college classes.

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

I brought this post up with my ADHD therapist today (who also has ADHD), and she got so still that I thought our Zoom call had frozen.

Turns out she just needed to stare into her soul for a bit and it looked like this:

Every so often, I see notes from this post go past in my activity feed, and the tags really do look like a mass of people screaming as the suspension wires holding up the metaphorical elevator snap and we all plunge into the abyss.

Sorry/happy to have helped rip the bandaid off that coping mechanism for you. Hope it wasn't too load-bearing...

Anyway. I'm starting EMDR trauma therapy for this soon because I haven't been able to gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss DBT my way out of this one, so, y'know, really puts the trauma of masking in perspective when you have to resort to the same desensitization and reprocessing therapy you use to cope with the cPTSD from literally almost dying.

I'll let you know how it goes.

As someone who works 8/9 hours from monday to friday, I'm genuinely curious about how y'all handle the (ever increasing) long episodes and how/when you choose to watch them.

I watch it from 12pm to 5pm Friday when it is live. The joy of

a) being in Australia so its on at a reasonable hour and

b) being retired so I don't have to be working all my reasonable hours.

:D

REblog if you are Asexual, support Asexuals, or spend most of your time actually thinking about Superheroes.

I spend most of my time thinking about Critical role (which is kind of like Superheroes?) or DnD which is medieval superheroes, or Sims 2 which... ok that one doesn't make it.

i'll go first my parents almost named me felicity. which would've been so cool but i definitely would've been like 5x crazier if i was named that

I felt bad about Mike Flanagan not being included so I decided to make another poll.

Inspired by @ktlsyrtis 's poll.

Please, please, please reblog this so it reaches the widest audience possible.

Also sorry if I'm not the only one who's done another poll.

Compromise. Im not going to actually WRITE meta but i AM going to lay out a list of things I'm thinking about broadly and thematically and would probably write meta about if i were properly caught up and informed, but is instead influenced much more by early campaign F.C.G:

**edit: no this is kind of meta again. sorry.

Don't mind me I'm still a bit teary.

Like there was one time when my mom was going through menopause when she wasn't able to sleep for four days straight, so that's something to look forward to when I get to my 50s.

I'm thinking I need to go back on birth control. I was taking it for my anxiety and I think it really did help with hormone-related sleeplessness. Apparently the o-pill (progestin-based birth control) is going to be available otc soon, though I haven't seen it here yet, and I'm pretty sure that's what I was on before.

I'm currently on an IUD Mirena (dosage 20 micro grams) which is helping because of endometrial hypoplasia - minimal side-effects (headache and cramps). But I was on Ralovera (10mg) orally - for 6 months. During that time I lost appetite and weight, was severely depressed, and generally in a very bad shape (cramps, insomnia, nausea, everything I used to get with dysmenorrhea).

I trust @libraford to know what they're doing because they keep on top of their health issues.

For everyone else, whenever you take medication, keep on top of the side-effects, and go back to the doctor sooner rather than later. I was an idiot leaving it going on for 6 months, don't you be an idiot like me.

A boop cat to live on your blog!!!!!

"I love you , I'm glad we're friends"