F O R M   V O L T R O N   B O Y S

(has anyone done this yet???)

(lance is gonna pass out in 30 seconds but his game face is on)

(SIGH)

It’s a mark of how long they’ve been friends that Hunk bears Lance’s sighs with grace and patience. He knows how to play this game- Lance ‘claims’ he doesn’t want to talk, Hunk waits him out, and eventually Lance cracks just like the weird walnuts he’s preparing right now. It’s routine enough that Hunk knows they’ll eventually start talking, but until then he has plenty of time to worry about his best friend.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Hunk announces grandly, Simba-ing the tuber-like… thing he just finished cleaning. He deposits it reverently on the table next to the bowl. “But, since you are my assistant, I guess I can tell you.”

“I’m gonna try to make some… Y’know, comfort food.” Hunk shrugged, “I’m flying blind here, honestly. I know how everything smells and tastes individually but… That’s the whole point of experimenting! Trying out new combinations and seeing what sticks!”

Lances raises a brow at that, and half smiles as he rests a hand on the counter.

“So the plan is…. No plan.” Lance picks up the freshly peeled root and tosses it between his hands. Honestly, he thinks, anything is better than the literal sludge they’ve all been eating. It’s not even like commissary, oatmeal or grits sludge. His eyes watch the repetitive motion of Hunk’s wrist.

“Well, just tell me what to do, I guess.” He lolls his head back, brown babyhairs falling to one side of his brow and his arm– the one with the strangely colored potato, naked and all– raises it slowly to the flourescent lit ceiling, then around. “You can be the pilot on our ‘culinary odessey.’

“I don’t mind being engineer this time.” He gives Hunk a smile. Just being around Hunk, the two of them, eases his homesickness a little. He can, for the moment, pretend that maybe what’s in the bowl is orange sherbet, and Hunk is peeling potatoes– odd of combination as that might be. Time passes and before he realises it, he’s leaned with both elbows on the counter, watching hunk tend to the stove.

Hunk doesn’t really let him play around with the pans, or any of the cooking, since that one time. It smells good, though. Whatever’s frying in the skillet Hunk is shaking the handle of. Lance blinks, a tiredness washing over the corners of his eyes.

“Y’know, Hunk… we could leave. Like Pidge wanted to.”

“Well, since the plan is I have no plan, I guess you can argue I have a plan after all. It’s kinda like... Schrödinger's Plan. Sort of. If you squint.” Hunk hmms for a second as he looks over his assortment of pots and pans with a critical eye. He finally settles on a short and wide one that has a matching cover. For a moment Hunk wonders if Alteans ever got around to inventing non stick pans.

Lance offers to help, and Hunk immediately hikes his shoulders up to his ears. He stoops down to rummage through the island drawer filled with kitchen tools, and also to hide his embarrassment. “I, uh, don’t really have a job for you to do? I’m only like, 35% certain I know what I’m doing, and I don’t want you to get caught in the crossfire or something. I just...” Hunk pokes at the food in the bowl. It kind of looks like orange sherbet. “We’ve both been pretty busy lately, and I wanted to hang out again. Y’know, like normal.”

"Also, I’m sorry Mr. Ace Engineer but the last time you helped me cook, you melted my favorite spatula. My favorite one! It had polka dots! No, you’re sitting your butt down,” Hunk points his finger in Lance’s face, eyebrows wiggling seriously, “while I peel these funky looking potatoes.”

For a few minutes, the kitchen is quiet. Lance seems content to watch him, and Hunk falls into a rhythm of wash, peel, and cut. It’s good. For a second, Hunk almost feels like they’re back home on Earth in Hunk’s kitchen. The only thing missing is Hunk’s shitty radio that always blasted Lance’s customized playlists. But the quiet isn’t awful.

And then Lance drops a bomb.  

It’s a close shave, but Hunk avoids cutting himself with the peeler. He looks at his best friend, mouth comically open before he snaps it shut with a click. “Uh... I don’t...” Hunk cautiously puts the peeler down and begins to roll the potato between his hands as he contemplates his response. The Hunk from a few months ago, the Hunk from before Shay and the eye-opening experience that was the Balmera, would have jumped at the opportunity to go home. But that was past Hunk. Present day Hunk was much more reluctant.

“I don’t know dude... Yeah we could leave, but then what?”

(SIGH)

Hunk has him shelling purple-ish walnuts that they’d harvested from the last planet. Sigh. He cracks the shell open with the weight of his palm and inside is something nougatty and deep violet. Sigh. He scoops it out and spoons it into a bowl.

A big, big, sigh that turns into a groan. It’s been like this for a while now. Hunk peeling and washing some kind of tuber and lance cracking, scooping, and sighing– Of course, Hunk had asked him if he’d wanted to talk, ad he said no, but clearly did and yet kept himself on the verge of actually whining and only sighing.

“Okay,” he’s shoveled all the cracked pieces of hull into the garbage and is poking his finger into the glass bowl with soft, round spoonfuls of purple. “So…what are we gonna do with this stuff?” He tastes it. It’s tangy, like a citrus.

“Well, I mean, what’re you gonna do with this stuff. You’re the magician.”

It’s a mark of how long they’ve been friends that Hunk bears Lance’s sighs with grace and patience. He knows how to play this game- Lance ‘claims’ he doesn’t want to talk, Hunk waits him out, and eventually Lance cracks just like the weird walnuts he’s preparing right now. It’s routine enough that Hunk knows they’ll eventually start talking, but until then he has plenty of time to worry about his best friend.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” Hunk announces grandly, Simba-ing the tuber-like... thing he just finished cleaning. He deposits it reverently on the table next to the bowl. “But, since you are my assistant, I guess I can tell you.”

“I’m gonna try to make some... Y’know, comfort food.” Hunk shrugged, “I’m flying blind here, honestly. I know how everything smells and tastes individually but... That’s the whole point of experimenting! Trying out new combinations and seeing what sticks!”

@hunkiestpaladin we need to get ahold of whatever space nutella is available and make space peanut butter nutella cookies

Okay but we need to make a Plan. I bet we can get Lance to run interference to keep Coran out of the kitchen. I love that dude, he’s my space uncle, but I’m like 90% sure his presence in the kitchen is cursed.

Hey so Hawaiian!Hunk is becoming a really popular headcanon and I decided to give you some cool Hawaii facts from a real life Hawaiian™ so that way you don’t have to perpetuate stereotypes. I haven’t seen it too much yet, but I understand that it’s hard to find accurate stuff online if you don’t already know where to look. (Other Hawaiians feel free to add stuff)

Feel free to come talk with me if you want to know more! I tried to keep this simple.

C R E A M

@lancecmcclain we should totally ask allura and coran about memes!! the castle probably has thousands of cultures entered in its database, we can access it and check out the space memes. we could see if there’s any meme convergent evolution going on… convergent memevolution….

hunk…. you beautiful genius. i love you. @theprincessallura ALLURAAA! ALLURA! PRINCESS! 

Of course! I’m so glad you paladins want to learn about new cultures! Although I’m not quite sure what this “memevolution” is.

well allura, first you need an eevee,

zarkon is literally RIGHT THERE and you guys are telling me NOT??? TO FIGHT HIM???

THE LIBERATION OF THE UNIVERSE IS AT OUR FINGERTIPS AND WE WON’T DO ANYTHING?????

Keith, i love and believe in you buddy, but zarkon’s username has ‘6969′ in it i think we all need to leave. like, immediately.

why do you guys keep mentioning 6969 why is it so important

.......... @takashi--shirogane this battle falls to you i think coran set the kitchen on fire again gtg

zarkon is literally RIGHT THERE and you guys are telling me NOT??? TO FIGHT HIM???

THE LIBERATION OF THE UNIVERSE IS AT OUR FINGERTIPS AND WE WON’T DO ANYTHING?????

Keith, i love and believe in you buddy, but zarkon’s username has ‘6969′ in it i think we all need to leave. like, immediately.

The Blue Paladin has sent me this video in a message to my ship’s control deck…I will make it my mission to discover the code that is no doubt encrypted within.

lance!!! how could you -pfft- SEND zarkon our secret plans?!?