Ireland || Morgan & Deirdre

TIME: A hundred years or so from now.

LOCATION: A cottage, a museum

PARTIES: @mor-beck-more-problems @deathduty

WARNINGS: none

SUMMARY: A century isn’t enough time to make Morgan less anxious. Chaperoning her daughter’s school trip with Deirdre gives her more than enough to worry about.

“I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we’ve suffered enough.” -Nikka Ursula

When I grow up I want to live in a home with wildflowers by the front gate.

Set up on some land somewhere north in Ireland with a porch and a tire swing.

And oh, I want to find myself there someday.

Oh, I want to find myself there someday.

bearingwitness​:

[pm] OH Oh, I see. Where were you before then?

Are you a vampire? You can tell me if you’re a vampire. I think it’s great that you’re furthering your education and

I’m glad you’ve found a place with the right accomodations for you. That can be really hard sometimes.

And I’m glad that it helped. I always wonder about that, how much students find these things accessible, if the ever identify with the material in a way that’s affirming or comforting. I just think it’s interesting how people seem to need the mysterious and the strange and the magical in order to understand our reality better.

inbextween​:

[pm] Probably with whatever’s at the top, or the easiest to name. Then go from there.

Tomorrow night. Sleepy Saturday into a lazy Sunday.

I’d be happy to be there with you.

Let me know if it helps.

He really did. Some that really make me question whatever they teach at hunter Sunday School, but he was right at least some of the time.

Souls are weird. I met a vampire who was trying to get his back once. I think, you can’t build any empathy or selflessness without one. You can’t completely connect with someone. But you can try, and you can do things for yourself. And sometimes doing things for yourself can be enough. Sometimes it’s not. I don’t think I’m a particularly selfless person even with my soul, so I think the danger of being without one depends on the person.

nelllraiser​:

[pm] Stars above, I wish it would be. I’m so tired of this, Nell. The constant fighting, all the work to keep one little bubble of happiness, it’s so exhausting.

Okay. But if you ever want to talk about it, or stop faking for a minute, you know where to find me.

But I’m glad to hear about your wounds. I was getting worried.

inbextween​:

[pm] That’s okay too. Maybe sit with it, sort it out. It probably feels like a lot of things at once, huh?

Name the night. We’ll get you some rest.

Some of those sound like really good ideas. I think, once you’ve made it down to that part of your priorities, you can think a little more on that, decide which one feels the most right.

Not like fighting argue. Like proving and disproving. Like your research.

And I’ve never heard soul removal mentioned as a possibility from the people like me I’ve encountered, or any of the zombie texts I’ve read from the scribrary. Adam had this theory that the ‘zombie virus’ was all about maintaining stasis, while vampirism tended toward change, evolution. If he was right, it would make sense for a vampire to be able to lose their soul but not me. I don’t think I know enough to consider myself an expert, but I’m comfortable saying that if it is possible, it’s rare and difficult magic. 

What makes you ask? Did something happen?

bearingwitness​:

[pm] You’re not good with idioms, are you? It’s okay, you know. I’ll try to be mindful of that when we talk.

Oh, I haven’t heard of them. What’s that like?

No, you definitely don’t have to write a piece about it. I just wondered because usually people have a reason for asking questions like that. Do you have an interest in that subject matter too?

bearingwitness​:

[pm] Uh. Oh, okay! Well I’m really glad your situation has turned around so much. If you’re still struggling to stay on your feet, let me know and I’ll try to help if I can, okay?

Really? What publication?

Is this for a piece you’re doing or something?

inbextween​:

[pm] Maybe do it a little bit at a time. Prioritize.

No, they’re not easier. Just different. Eventually, it’ll get easier. But right now it’s all raw, and just different. And trying to force yourself to feel a certain way isn’t going to help. You feel how you feel and you feel that way for a reason. You should be honest with yourself about it, face it.

Supernatural sleep-aid. Easy sleep and good dreams. And I know you are, but I think you’ll get there if you keep working at it.

What do you want to do with it? I mean, if it’s all yours you can get rid of it if you want to, right?

So, argue with your brain back.

Good. I believe in you.

inbextween​:

[pm] It may not seem that way, but there is, in fact, a finite amount of work that needs to be done right now. Organize your tasks and break things down into little, manageable pieces.

Also, I don’t think it’s fair to categorize grappling with a lifetime of trauma as “complaining”. Do you think I’m complaining by still dealing with my stuff? Or Mina with hers? Or Deirdre? But, to borrow your terminology, you do in fact have plenty to “complain” about. It’s not as simple as being in that house or not being in it. And I think part of you knows that and just wishes that was the case.

There might be a couple of doses of aram left in the house. It’s hard to come by, so it’s not a sustainable fix, but if you really want one easy night of good sleep, pick a date and we’ll make it happen. And you’ll get there, if you try. It’s all about balance, sweetheart. 

I think it does mean that, actually. We’ve filed all the right paperwork, and like you said, you have a lot of power right now. We’re here, and we’re yours. The only one who can change that is you.

I’m sure you’ll go over how to break thought patterns in therapy, but for now, maybe just look at the evidence and how it contradicts what your brain is telling you.

And I’m still serious about a rest day. Come up with some stuff you want to do, stuff you enjoy or that makes you feel safe. We’ll try to squeeze a couple in, okay?

braindeacl​:

[pm] Ugh. I don’t know why I’m surprised.

And she’s in good hands, yeah. Or, well, she’s in the best hands I can give her. She’s staying with me now that she’s gotten out of that bad situation that prompted the wish.

So overwhelming! Especially at first! I felt like my skin was crawling in the worst way. Everything was so startling and I couldn’t process it all at once, at first, and it made me so clumsy and jumpy. And then, pain! Human pain is so weird and terrifying. I don’t miss that part at all. But the more I got used to it, the more it felt like--the world really is a beautiful, incredible place. It’s incredible we get to be here and feel so much in so short a time. And, okay, this might sound bananas considering I teach writing and literature, but the whole experience showed me just how inadequate words are for capturing our lives. Like, blueberry pancakes are fluffy, heavy, sweet, buttery, tart, and juicy. And that’s before you add in maple syrup. And yet all of those things get squeezed into just “blueberry pancakes.” There is so much that gets taken for granted, there is so much to discover. It’s sort of incredible.

A prance, huh? With your wildflowers? Also, you hunt?

I don’t really have tried and true tricks, per se, but I was conveniently overwhelmed with much bigger problems not long after the wish was undone. And by the time that happened anyway, I was just so relieved to not hurt anymore, to feel...familiar to myself again. I guess if I did anything, I compartmentalized. Put the good in one box, the suffering in another, and tried to focus on being grateful.

bearingwitness​:

[pm] Oh! Are you a former student? What’s your name? Also, I can’t tell if you’re being hyperbolic with that criminal and camper business, it wouldn’t be the wildest thing I’d hard, but either way: I appreciate your thanks. I’m glad you’re doing well. Does your job involve a lot of writing?

meflemming​:

[pm] 🥺

So, that’s a yes, right? Yes for sure?

I feel like the cursed life of trauma and being dead sixteen months and counting revokes whatever claim to being ‘sheltered’ I once had. Maybe I try to be an idealist when I can, but that’s not the same thing.

Your rage and scorn didn’t come out of thin air. If the world was different, and if Theo wasn’t such a shithead, do you really think you’d be the same?

Ha-ha. You sound so much like Deirdre someti And yes, it is so. More resources, more perspective, more energy, more ideas. Maybe even better ideas. Just because you’ve been alone most of your life so far, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be, Mim.