I read your post on March 25, 2020, and I want to say that you hit me so hard in the heart with those words, because it's fucking true. You have described my condition so clearly, read my thoughts, and seem to be living my life, that only now have I realized that I have found a person in this world who really understands me. Who knows how painful it is to carry such a load inside and at the same time smile and always try to be kind to everyone because if you ever make a mistake or do something wrong, everyone will immediately consider you the most terrible person in the world, even your loved ones.