You’re the light within my darkest hour
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
Prompts: 5 - “My only fear is losing you” 11 - “You deserve more than this” 30 - “If this is your attempt at pushing me away, it won’t work”
Warning - Angst with a happy ending.
A/N: For Anon, i hope you enjoy this. I wrote this while awaiting blood results coz last night was wild and my skin hates me.
Also this fic has some Clintasha friendship because I love their friendship and think its underrated so here’s a nice gif.
Being with an Avenger is a whirlwind you never thought you’d experience but being in love with Natasha Romanoff felt like you were born for the role. Some may say it was rather cliche how you both met, her saving you from another disastrous alien invasion, you thought you had met your end before the sight of curly red hair came into view, giving you a second chance at life. Yours eyes met briefly, yours stunned and in admiration of this beautiful red haired angel that had somewhat landed from the sky and in front of you. A year later and you have somehow managed to gracefully settle yourself deep within the russian’s heart, leaving her feeling blessed but down right frightened. You are the flickers of light that embeds within her darkest hours, a breath of fresh air breathing life back into her once cold stoned heart. That’s why she’s currently drinking away her sorrows in a deadbeat bar with Clint after ignoring the last six missed phone calls from you.
“You know this is pretty shitty Nat. At least put them out of their misery.” He lectures, before taking another sip out of his beer. His eyes take in Nat’s glossy ones as she signals for another round of vodka shots, mainly for herself since Clint declined the last four.
“Yeah well, I’d rather they hate me after than hold on to any hope of this working out in the future. It’s the best way Clint, let them see the hard cold side of ‘the infamous black widow’.” She mumbles, the burning liquid finally taking its toll on her. Clint shakes his head in disbelief before replying.
“You don’t still believe that about yourself, do you? Nat you think after all these years, you’re still that same person who I brought over here? Because let me tell you Romanoff, I see how you look at my children.. your godchildren and I see the love in your eyes for them, but most importantly I see how your eyes light up whenever Y/N is around, you breathe a little easier when they’re around like just their presence alone somehow grounds you.” He pauses for a second, gathering up his courage.
“I’m gonna be brutally honest with you Tasha, I think you’re just too scared to commit with the fear of them finding out more about you and running for the hills, hmm?” He challenges softly, tilting his head slightly to meet her now dropped gaze hoping for some reaction because any reaction is better than none when it comes to a very well poker faced assassin.Her gaze slowly lifts from looking at the dirty wet bar top to Clint’s understanding, non-judgemental look her eyes vulnerable and wet from the harsh reality. They stay like that for a moment, both trying to read one another before being startled by the sound of Nat’s ringtone indicating that you are again trying to connect with her.
Guilt settles deep within her as she realises that its way past midnight and you have to work early in the morning but are too stubborn to go to bed without knowing she’s okay first. The guilt intensifies as she presses the red button cutting you off once more before sighing heavily and leaning against the bar top, arms crossed in stubborn defiance as Clint raises a lectured eyebrow.
“Clint I swear if you give me another dad look of ‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed look’ I’m going to have to tell your children that they are now fatherless.” Nat grumbles halfheartedly, making Clint chuckle at the empty threat before placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“Let’s get you home, teen angst. Honestly instead of moping around, how about giving yourself a good kick up the ass and realise that you are worthy of their love” He suggests lightly, his eyes full of sympathy, knowing how much his best friend struggles to accept her own self-worth and love, remembering how long it took for him and Laura to help her accept the children’s love for her and to truly accept her position in the quickly growing family. She nods numbly, accepting the helping crook of Clint’s elbow to escort her out of the dive bar, her eyes gazing at the bright screen of her phone, your smiling eyes staring back at her making her feeling queasy at her own behaviour towards you.
“You going to be okay from here, Tasha?” Clint asks, concernedly as he watches Nat struggle to fit the key within its rightful place. He asked Jarvis once already to unlock the damn thing but Nat quickly shut the suggestion down, determined to show that she wasn’t incapable.
“I’ll be fine Clint, you should text Laura too. I know she’s been texting you for updates.” Nat grumbles, eyes glaring at the offended door as if it’s to fault for her inability to unlock it. Clint chuckles amused at her grumpiness.
“Tasha, you actually have to stick it into the right hole first.” He jokes vulgarly, making Nat shove him playfully before finally hearing that satisfying click, she grins triumphantly as Clint rubs at his bicep feigning at his bruised arm.
“Night birdbrain, thanks for keeping me company tonight. I know you don’t like being away from the family unless it’s for an emergency.” Nat states sheepishly, Clint stops rubbing at his bruised ego and pulls her in for a brief but meaningful hug before pulling away and saluting his farewell.
“You know what you need to do, Romanoff.” He reminds, walking away. Before Nat could enter the room, Clint turned quickly on his heels, making her pause.
“Oh and Don’t.Fuck.It.Up.” He impersonates, giving Nat his best RuPaul look leaving her amused.
“Laura got you watching Netflix now?” She teases, as he shrugs unashamed a cheeky grin appearing on his tired face.
“What? Domestic life suits me, you should try and embrace it more Miss.Love is for children.” He lectures, before turning back around and scurrying away narrowly missing the heel shoe to the head. Nat shakes her head, amused by her best friend’s antics before entering the apartment at Stark Tower.
Her relaxed demeanour changes instantly as she takes in her safe space. A soft glow illuminates at the end of the corridor that leads to the living room, indicating that someone has been or is in the room. She quietly walks forward reaching for her knife that lies attached in its thigh strap under her skirt. The door is ajar upon further inspection giving Nat enough insight to the intruder as her eyes peep around the door frame her body instantly relaxes, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as she takes in your sleeping form curled up on the single sofa your phone still in hand clenched tightly against your chest. She pockets the knife before tip toeing over towards your peaceful form, kneeling down to take in your soft features her hand reaches out to touch your cheek but stops in fear of waking you up instead opting to grab the soft comforter from the back of the sofa and placing it gently over your slightly shivering form tucking in every inch before placing a soft kiss to your temple, her lips linger for a moment taking in the feel of your skin against her lips again after a week of stubbornly avoiding you and your touch.
The new found weight of the comforter and soft lips on you seems to bring you back from your dreamland, your eyes squinting trying to adjust to the light and your surroundings.Nat moves away quickly as if your skin burnt her making you frown in frustration, you may not have voiced it over the last few weeks but you weren’t stupid, Nat was trying to pull away from you by harshly avoiding you until you cracked enough to leave without her asking you to.
“What time is it?” You mumbled, sleepily rubbing at the sleep that lies irritably in the corner of your eyes. Swinging your legs around you sit facing your girlfriend who seems to be cowering further away from you.
“2:05 in the morning. How did you get in here? You a secret spy now?” She jokes, trying to avoid the unspoken argument, you both seem to be having with your eyes. Nat shifts uncomfortable at your gaze.
“You got something on your mind, Romanoff? Or shall I go first?” You question, the sorrow and anger over the past few weeks slowly coming to a boil. Nat remains silent, her eyes no longer locked with yours but rather on your bare feet.
“Shall we start with why have you been avoiding me for the past two weeks? How, every time I come by to see you I’m turned away like I’m just some superfan wanting in on the ‘great avengers complex’.” You accuse, your voice low and tearful. You slowly stand up and walk towards your unusually quiet girlfriend.
“You know I finally got in tonight after I managed to get a hold of Pepper but to my astonishment the key you gave me for your apartment denied me access. The irony of it right? Considering you are denying me of you.” You confess, wet tears begin to build in your eyes as you watch Nat clench her jaw stopping herself from becoming emotional.
‘The black widow doesn’t show emotion,’ Nat defends to herself, her back tense at the thought of being vulnerable.
“That’s not what I was doing Y/N. I’ve just been really busy lately, I’m sorry that I can’t give you the attention you need all the time.” Nat’s voice is rough and harsh, as her arms cross against her chest as if sheltering her painful heart as it beats rapidly in her chest. You laugh humorlessly at her poor attempt of pushing you away before walking towards her, reaching for her tentatively you pinch gently at her chin gaining her attention as you lift her head towards yours.
“If this is your attempt at pushing me away, it won’t work.” You reassure her, watching as her eyes search out your own looking for the lie within your words. You smile softly knowing that you are slowly winning her over; out of that dark place she tends to hide in. Her hands reach out and grip your biceps as if needed to be anchored. She leans her head forward against your lips as you peck her soft skin reassuringly.
“You deserve more than this.” She whispers, as you swoop in to brush your lips against her full red ones.
“I deserve you Natasha Romanoff, just as you deserve me.” You comfort, your voice confident and at ease making her relax gently into your kiss.
“I’m sorry, Lyubov moya, I’m so sorry.” She apologises, repeating her sorry’s as if asking for forgiveness.
“Nat… take me to bed and show me how sorry you are.” You husk, knowing that it’s the only way to distract her from her own self-hate after being so vulnerable with you.
The soft glow of the moon’s light falls across the room on the top floor of the tower. Your breath quiet and low as your chest rises and falls, Nat watches your peaceful features as your eyes move beneath your lids as you dream sweet dreams. A small part of her is envious that you can sleep so peacefully without the demons from your past haunting you in every dark corner during the dead of night, it’s gotten easier for her though since having you in her bed she’s able to sleep a lot more without being disrupted. That was the worst part of avoiding you over the last two weeks, the bed was cold and unaccompanied making it easier for the devil to come out and play with her mind. She reaches out a finger tracing lightly over your cheek making you scrunch your nose at the interrupting touch.
“My only fear is losing you.” Nat confesses, whispering softly. Her eyes take in every inch of you. Wanting to keep a permanent picture of you in her mind to help ease her nightmares.
Because after-all you are the only light that shines within her darkest hour and for that she will always be grateful to call you hers.