(via @SmudgeTheInsultCat over on Mastodon)

just curious as they're always things i've never questioned just doing but people in my life are often surprised that i don't mind doing them alone

🔁 pls reblog for sample size

#no u are wrong. eliot was like we need a secret signal and hardison was like. so a secret handshake #and eliot was like no to indicate that were good and hardison is like. so a secret handshake (tags via tatterpig)

#i’m always here for eliot’s transparent attempts at pretending he has dignity and is not a complete dork#‘no i don’t want an eliot signal i’m not a nerd like you….. what- what would be on this hypothetical signal’#‘can it be a wolf maybe’

Imagine that. You're Aragorn. You're Isildur's heir. You inspire loyalty wherever you go. All who know you love you. Your people will follow you into the gates of hell. You're a deadly and valiant soldier, yet your hands also have magical healing powers. You save Middle Earth and become a great and beloved king.

You're own creator still says you're not good enough for Eowyn

I just realized how fucking disgusting it is that it’s considered healthy and normal for teenage boys to eat everything ever yet teenage girls are obviously also growing but are fucking dieting all the time and shamed for eating while they’re growing

Shit

That’s not even the half of it because

- often when a teenager (male or female) puts on some fat it’s in preparation for a growth spurt. Grownups know this. 

- teenagers grow in weird gawky ways, like a girl’s hips will spread out and look “fat” until her legs get longer, or they’ll shoot up super tall and then slowly put on muscle and fat. Grownups know this. 

- it’s very common for a women’s body weight to fluctuate plus or minus 5% with her menstrual cycle

but in the diet mentality all of these things are considered personal moral failures, a failure of control, when controlling it is literally impossible. I am so incredibly saddened by women who weigh themselves multiple times a week and fuss over ten freaking pounds when that’s well within the bounds of menstrual fluctuation + just-ate-lunch. It’s horrible.

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.” – Naomi Wolf

Grown ups really do not know this. I tell this to parents at least once a week, your child is sleeping/moody/putting on weight because their body is preparing to more or less jump the Grand Canyon of maturation stages. Hormone changes start a full YEAR before first menses.

My own mother, who works in the medical field and has worked solely for OB/GYN for the last 16 years, gave me grief about all of those things. And she knew about hormone level changes and weight distribution changes and she STILL did it. Don’t think hard facts will outweigh societal norms. Keep talking about it until they can’t ignore the facts

Eat!!! Food !!

*Screams* THANK YOU!!!

I don’t even care who fucking wins the presidency this year look at this

This makes an INCREDIBLE difference!!!! For fuck sake go vote!!!!

A few years back a Republican won my house district by six vote. Now she’s talking about making it illegal to protest the Gazan genocide. Pay attention to Congress

if any of your circle is telling you voting is useless and it will never get us anywhere is lying to get you not to vote. republicans will always vote. not voting is just pulling your teeth for them. go vote and dont reblog propaganda that makes you feel hopeless

do people know about bangs? i feel like a lot of people don't, even if they have duckduckgo as their default search engine, but they're incredibly useful, they're essentially shortcuts to search other sites

if I type "!w segmented turning" into duckduckgo, it searches wikipedia for "segmented turning" and takes me to that page. if I search for something that doesn't exist, I get the results page on wikipedia.

i can use !yt to search youtube, !rgate for researchgate, !unic for unicode symbols, !worldcat for worldcat.org, !osm for openstreetmaps, even ao3. There's thousands of them already (you can see existing bangs here) and if one doesn't exist you can suggest new ones

i can effectively search almost any website without needing to leave my address bar it's so convenient

can't believe i forgot to include this. of course there is one for tumblr (it's !tumblr)

Further Americanisms that tell you to check on your American:

been better = in hell

doin’ alright = sad, needs hug

pretty great! = genuine actual baseline. Anything else ranks beneath this. Be Aware.

I’m here, ain’t I? = Defcon 5

Because someone asked, indications that an American is actually Having A Good Day include:

"Livin' the Dream!" - actively daydreaming about swandiving into a woodchipper

"It... goes." - I haven't killed anyone, but the day ain't over yet.

According to this article, California is likely to have its lowest primary turnout in the state’s history — 29%—"in part because more than 4 in 10 voters are not enthusiastic about voting for president or Congress, according to a Public Policy Institute of California survey." Further: "So far, Republican voters have turned in 32% of the ballots, according to Political Data, Mitchell’s analytics firm that monitors turnout across the state. . . .While there are roughly equal numbers of voters older than 65 and younger than 35 in California, so far 57% of the ballots turned in have been from seniors and only 2% from younger voters." (emphasis added) It's not just California.

You don't have to be "enthusiastic" about the candidate you vote for, but you must vote against the candidate you oppose.

Not voting is not a statement of dissatisfaction with the system; it says you are wiling to accept whatever other people decide, even if it's bad for you.

VOTE. Do not let the other side win because you couldn't be bothered to fill out a ballot.

"Not everyone is going to like you."

And look, I logically get that. Different personalities, different beliefs, views etc.

But the high masking autistic side of me deeply wants to know why and how I can change it because this outward personality has been carefully crafted over decades of successful scripts, reading books on body language, conversation studies and people watching.

I have carefully pruned back the parts of myself that others find distasteful, weird, off-putting...the "uncanny valley" effect that I give if not carefully schooling every single aspect of my outward appearance.

So, when that's rejected, there is a part of me that needs to know why. What needs to be pruned? What needs to be further detailed like a sports car so that I'm running correctly and I'm appeasing to everyone?

And also... This is an aspect I'm trying hard to unlearn. I was diagnosed late so my whole personality was built upon these rules and laws of interaction. Unlearning that and trying to accept that being me, authentically, is okay...that shit is difficult.

At the gate for my flight home from visiting friends and there's a woman here with a service Shiba Inu. No pics because he has a Do Not Disturb vest and taking pics of strangers is illegal but I need to stress how ON DUTY this animal is. Ears up. Eyes doing Lazer scans of everything. Examining everyone who passes within 10ft like a security guard. Ass planted on her feet. I have never seen a dog with such intense chivalric guardian energy before. He has tiny eyebrows and they are FURROWED with concentration.

Man behind me having unhinged phone conversation. There is an internationally famous dairy in the area I was visiting and he was commissioned by the lady on the other end of the phone to collect specific cheeses from there. The lady is very high strung about the type and condition of the cheese.

The man does not know from cheese. The man "ain't never seen no cheese but orange before" and "I showed ya list to the cheese lady so if it's wrong it's her fault ok?"

I am 80% sure she sent him there for a really specific bleu cheese, 40% sure he does not have the very specific bleu cheese, and 100% sure he's done with her shit.

Our flight is delayed.

He does not have the cheeses in a cooler, just a regular backpack.

I need to emphasize that there is no cooler bag in the backpack. He has Jansport backpack that is jam-packed with cheeses. There is apparently $405 dollars worth of cheeses in that backpack, which I know because he has been trying to get the lady to venmo him the expense, which she has failed to do. It is unclear whether his relation to the lady is romantic, familial or what, but I'm leaning towards "what".

Two more people have joined us. One is a very elegant man with a perfect manicure in a tailored business suit, the other is a neon-haired person of indeterminate gender wearing a fox kirigumi. The Shiba Inu has been staring at the latter for three minutes now.

Uh oh.

Cheese man has been demanding payment because apparently he went like six hours out of his way and paid with his own money and between the cheese and price of gas, he is pretty sure he does not have enough money in his account for an Uber home.

The lady is FLABBERGASTED that he is demanding payment at all, as she was under the impression he was doing this for her out of the goodness of his heart.

He's not having it. He's insisting she told him she would pay him back- he would have gotten her maybe one cheese somewhere closer to his business in the area out of love, but he went out of his way because she agreed to pay him costs+ extra to cover it.

HE RECORDED THE CONVERSATION IN WHICH SHE PROMISED TO PAY FOR THE CHEESE, SHE'S THAT MUCH OF A FLAKE.

I am about to offer this man cash for some of these cheeses because our flight is now more delayed.

"YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AND I FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME! NO! NO! FUCK YOU! IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY ME, YOU DON'T GET FANCY CHEESE."

"OR ELSE WHAT?"

"I'm gonna-? THE BABY SHOWER? MONICA CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CHEESE SHE'S PREGNANT!"

"The cheese lady asked if it was for someone because the mushrooms or whatever in the cheese are dangerous for the baby or something?? You wanna poison Monica?"

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"

"YEAH OF COURSE I GOT THE CHEESE, THATS WHY I DON'T GOT MONEY FOR UBER!"

"YEAH, GO TELL! GO TELL MOMMA I STOPPED YOUR STUPID ASS FROM KILLING MONICA OR THE BABY! FUCK!"

*hangs up phone*

*head in hands, borderline hyperventilating*

The man in the three piece suit is in the chair next to him. He waits a moment, then reaches into his carryon and pulls out an entire bottle of wine with the TSA pre check sticker on it, and taps cheese guy on the shoulder.

"If your friend doesn't want it, would you be amenable to having it right now?"

Naturally, I have volunteered my box of wheat thins and offered to buy one of the harder cheeses which should be fine if it makes it home.

Meanwhile, Kirigumi has noticed that the Shiba Inu is staring at her and is correctly intimidated.

1. This is some fucking great Camembert. I have compensated cheese guy accordingly. So have like six other people. He's recouped like half his losses.

2. Cheese guy is crying a little about the cash and opening up about his problems. The cheese lady is his younger sister. Suit guy is being very generous with his Pinot Blanc. We are having a picnic/improv family therapy session.

3. This is apparently the latest in a long string of his sister asking for something and then flaking when he asks to be paid back. Started with paying him back only some of what he was owed, then claiming something she paid for him was of equal value when it was not, then recently telling him his memory is wrong and he said it was a gift or that he'd do it for free.

"Yeah, the specific thing of trying to convince you your memory is unreliable is called gaslighting and it's really fucked up." I say

"yeeeeah. The other stuff I forgave because she's never really had a good job so she can't pay me back all the time but at least she was making an effort y'know? But that was. That was over the line."

"If you haven't already, check on the rest of your family's finances. My brother started trying to gaslight everyone when he started stealing from our parents." Says Pinot Blanc.

4. Shiba Inu Lady has purchased a cheddar. Apparently, the dog's name is Donut, and he's her service dog because she's severely visually impaired.

"Oh, he's a guide dog?" Asks cheese guy.

"oh, no." She laughs. "He's too short, and the way my eyes are, it's easier for me to navigate with a cane. No, the problem I have is that some morally impaired people see the cane and think they can get away with stealing my bag or assaulting me because I wouldn't be able to give a description- which is wrong, but rather than deal with that I got Donut, and he helps me by howling at anyone who gets in my personal space and biting anyone who grabs me!"

"Uh." Says Kirigumi. "He's been staring at me do I need to back up or..?"

"Ohdear! No, no- He wasn't looking at you! He loves cheese but he knows he's not supposed to beg so he decided the way to deal with something he wants but can't have is to stare in the other direction."

"OKAY!" Says Kirigumi. "I'm wearing fox pajamas and thought like. He thought I was another dog or something."

"No, no- he doesn't care about dogs, and you get a warning before he goes for the calves. Very helpful, when I was living in Italy!"

"Oh what part? I have family in Tuscany." Says Pinot.

"Does he want a cheese? There is still so much cheese." Says cheese guy.

Plane may be arriving. I am paying for in flight WiFi to keep y'all updated.

1. Cheese guy has sold all but two or three cheeses that he an Pinot are going to eat on the flight.

2. I know they're planning to continue because Pinot talked to the gate agent so he and cheese guy can sit together and talk about family drama and cheese.

3. Pinot has been teaching him about different types of cheese and how to enjoy them.

4. Cheese guy apparently repairs computers and other technology devices for a living and is currently doing the software version of scraping barnacles and other crap off Pinot'macbook.

5. Pinot is now convinced that cheese guy is the smartest and most interesting man in the world.

Ok so the Wifi wasn't working on the plane (also like, nonstop turbulence) and also they got seated in a different row from me, but:

:)

Anyway, it's 2AM, I need to sleep, if you feel like supporting this kind of hard-hitting reporting, I have a Tip Jar!

Another inimitable epic from @gallusrostromegalus.

i'm so used to living in my carefully curated bubble of people with the Liking Tony Stark gene that it always genuinely surprises me when people I follow from different fandoms come out of nowhere with a random post about how much tony stark sucks

if you’re having a bad day, here’s a cute little marching band

this actually made me cry with joy also one of them is eating noodles

It just keeps going and getting better. *^^*

Me two minutes ago: “cry with joy? an animation of cats playing instruments made someone cry with joy?”

Me now: (sobs into a tissue) “OH MY GOD THAT ONE IS PLAYING TWO RECORDERS AT THE SAME TIME” (blows nose)

CAT PARADE IS BACK

this comment under a bookstore video of all the first editions of the hobbit they have… i’m going to start crying

don't give up

Do you have a question about Avatar: The Last Airbender?

The cast may have answers!

Submit your questions here, and come back on Thursday, February 22nd at 12pm PT / 3pm ET for Answer Time.