In no Disney movie did they explain to me that I could suffer from anxiety all my adolescence and that my parents would encourage me to do so and would not support me, nor that I would live in a totally misogynistic environment and that no one would help me with my low self-esteem. I would have liked to explain to myself that it is wrong to endure this alone, that despite all the alcohol and the cuts I would not overcome it, they would only make it easier to bear

damn robot

I hate to realize that the reason they attack me in my house is because my parents never stopped any aggressive act, on the contrary, they totally encourage him "daughter stop being so stupid" "stop being jealous of your brother" "you can stop of being so stupid? "" Are you cleaning the house or are you useless? "" Why don't you kill yourself? "Each of the phrases I hear every day are the free passage for the people who live in my house to repeat it on my face as if it were a damn robot without feelings, when the attack starts I have to close my mouth and suppress any feeling because Absolutely everything I say or think is wrong, I want to cry but no, it's wrong, I want to scream, that It's not a woman, it's wrong, I want to make my point, shut your mouth, girls don't talk, everything you do is evil. How am I supposed to start flying if I can't spread my wings in my own home?

again I feel empty and sore, guilty and silent, regretting something that didn't even happen. every day of my life like this. sometimes I wonder why I should take care of something I didn't do. Caring for and protecting another person When I don't even know how to take care of and protect myself, it's exhausting to be judged for wanting to have a little peace of mind. I have creeps, I am full of guilt that I shouldn't even feel, a lump in my throat that I don't have the strength to unleash, anger that I have no one to discharge with, again everything stays in my head and there it rests, until someone make him wake up again

Am I a person who is not good for school? I became what my whole life hated? I just saw my rachel berry icon and I just think how ironic she is, maybe that's why I like her so much, despite being different and not hegemonic she always knew how to get ahead and be sure of herself, she didn't like others they will hate her but that was not an obstacle to being happy and achieving her dreams, i really long to be a rachel berry, obviously not lea michele

There's nothing I can focus on I drown in my useless thoughts that do not leave my head. I don't understand how everyone lives their whole lives thinking about the future when I don't know if I can bear this year. This pandemic made me realize how unstable I am, it was no longer the school that encouraged me to do my homework, now I am the one responsible for turning myself off, and I can't. I can't concentrate or think, I stopped being a smart girl to be a girl. A person with nothing to give, I am totally irrelevant and I took it upon myself to highlight that in all aspects, I want someone to guide me and help me without having to ask or bother anyone, is it possible?

out of context

Totally out of context what I'm going to say, but every time pro-life people say "would you like your parents to abort you?" Automatically I think YES MAN YES my parents are macho and misogynistic more than the other, my brothers live despising me every day, I have a tremendous low self-esteem and high biporality inherited by my mother, if it did not exist it would be a favor.

I would like to have a life so that I can forget what this life is.