。˚∘ no more party rocking ;

it’s a little bitter sweet for this being the final month. for her, anyways. after this evaluation she was officially on debut prep. the thought was wild to her. it was official. she was debuting. after so many years it felt surreal.

but a part of her was a little sad to be taken away from the girls like this. right when she finally accepted the idea that she would just stick with them until the end, she actually makes it. how’s that for some cosmic karma? she felt like she had so much more to do with the girls. hang out with them more, go out to eat more, anything. it felt like her time with the girls was numbered until she too was too busy with debut and recording to hang out.

her faze was fixated on heejin once again. a familiar sight, she supposes. they had only recently started to connect. it felt like now there would be no time for that at all. after what should have been way too long of staring at someone, chungha finally said something.

“hey, wanna get dinner after training?”

@rkheejin

rkmeiqi​:

[ message to hottie 👅 ]

➤ KIM CHUNGHA OF HEARTZ?????  ➤ I GUESS THAT’S ME??? FUCK ➤ THANK YOU ➤ I’M GOING TO CALL YOU RIGHT NOW

[CALL TO HOTTIE 👅: 00:00:01 ]

“were you choking on the voicemail?” chungha asks the minute the receiver picks up. her voice is thick. it was clear that she had been crying just then. she had stolen away to make the phone call. her mind and heart were racing. she sniffles.

“i can’t believe it,” she whines. she feels the need to cry rise in her throat once again. “i really thought it wasn’t going to happen-- i just resolved to the fact that it wouldn’t and i was like ‘fine i’ll just stay to support the girls’ and then--!” chungha pauses to allow herself to cry for a moment. it felt so good.

“i have to move in the weekend of the 10th.....”

。˚∘ it ends how it begins ;

it seemed like it was happening too fast. she didn’t have that long to make arrangements. mina had nowhere to go. she was most worried about her. god and what was she going to do with meiqi’s extra things? probably have to put anything that can’t go to the dorm with her grandmother and just not explain whose is what. for as long as she’s been waiting for the time to come, she’s utterly unprepared for it to actually happen.

“i think i could keep giving you money for rent so you wouldn’t struggle.” it was the only thing chungha could think of. what else could she do? on the flip side, she could withhold the information about her upcoming debut. that way she could still receive money and mina would have a place to stay.

but now, that wouldn’t work. her grandmother would surely tell them after she drops off her extra things. she was at a loss with what to do. she couldn’t leave mina practically homeless. where would she go? chungha rubbed her eyes.

“i can’t believe i would be bummed out by debut because i’m too worried about you,” she jokes with a smile, pulling the younger in for a hug. “will you be okay without me?”

@mxnark

。˚∘ 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝔃 ❤

another month, another beginning of the month evaluation recap. chungha was neither in high nor low spirits regarding the start of the new month. she knew what this was and how it would go. honestly she just wanted to hear what the new group evaluation would be that she be focusing on. she only had a few more months until everything was over. she thinks a few more isn’t too bad.

[ message to hottie 👅 ]

➤ BABE ➤ BABE? ? ? ?  ➤ EMERGENCY ? ? ? ? ➤ I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE JUYEON BUT THEN IT WASNT ➤ THEY SAID MY NAME FUCK ➤ I’M GOING TO BE AN IDOL ? ?? ?  HOLY FUCK

@rkmeiqi

。˚∘ the way your heart goes ;

juyeonrk​:

even if chungha wasn’t the first to know, it felt special all the same. telling anyone something like this was such an important moment. chungha didn’t care if she was the first, fifth or the last person to know; it was the fact that juyeon felt the same level of trust to tell her such an important thing. this wasn’t a tiny secret. not in the entertainment industry. it made her feel so good.

“it doesn’t matter if i am or not,” chungha says, smiling so wide her cheeks hurt. she brushed juyeon’s hair back. “thank you for trusting me.” it’s nice to have people to trust and disclose something important to. it makes you feel less alone. it makes the burden lesser to bear. it was nice to know there was someone she had that she could utterly gush about her girlfriend and not feel weird about it or have to hide her girlfriend’s gender the entire time.

it was so satisfying. chungha felt so happy. it felt like a new chapter for her and juyeon’s friendship. she was excited to see it develop and flourish. she had to laugh at juyeon’s surprise. maybe juyeon felt a little more obviously gay than chungha initially thought. “yeah! i mean, i think the heartz project helped keep you under the radar.” everyone in heartz was kind, open with one another and supportive. although they seem to be growing closer, she’s not sure who would be accepting or not with such a topic. chungha would rather not take the chance either.

“thank you. i’m so happy i told you.” chungha says with a sigh, resting her head on juyeon’s shoulder. “if you ever ....you know, find someone, i’ll be willing to hear all the details. no matter how embarrassing.” she presses a kiss to juyeon’s shoulder before resting her head once again. “i’ll always be on your side.”

make this place home

mxnark​:

chungha wasted no time getting things done for mina to live comfortably. she thinks she pushed herself to exhaustion by organising the apartment every night after training if only to make sure there was room for the younger. she would have hated for mina to have to live out of a suitcase for however long they manage to live together. it was temporary: so much was temporary until the heartz project was over and chungha didn't have a doubt in her mind that mina would be chosen.

she laughs at mina. she's never had a little sister (and probably would never have an actual little sister at this age) but it was adorable to witness mina whine. it made her want to pinch her cheeks and ruffle her hair. mina had the personality and the looks that made you want to protect her or stuff her in your pocket. there's scientific evidence that babies look cuter to ensure their survival. chungha was convinced the same applied to mina as well. at least it was working thus far.

chungha gives mina another fond smile. “ah, yes! you’re definitely right.” of course she was going to feed her. she was only teasing after all. but she also had to double check that she had the ingredients. she should. what sort of house would it be if she didn’t? their kitchen wasn’t large. just enough for a few bodies to navigate freely without bumping into one another. chungha had specifically wanted dark wood cabinets and a decent fridge. that’s exactly what she got. she opened said cabinets to retrieve the ingredients to start cooking.

“i don’t think you have anything to worry about,” chungha says as she fills the pot with water. “i know it’s going to be a bit tight with us sharing a room but i know we could be considerate of one another.” moving in with anyone was a big change. it could be stressful. lord knows things weren’t perfect for meiqi and chungha when they first moved in way back when.

“i mean if you can clean and not die while i’m gone then by all means you’re already better than a cat or dog.”

。˚∘ matter of time ;

“i’m going to miss you.”

she says it randomly one day as they walk the halls. it’s always been on chungha’s mind but when the heartz project finally concludes, she’ll miss a lot fo them. but she would miss her time with juyeon most of all.

juyeon hadn’t been revealed yet but it had already been implied that she has a guaranteed role in the group. it was only a matter of time until they told juyeon she was the girl of the month and soon she too will be busy with preparations. it seems like everyone around her was getting picked and soon chungha won’t have any of her close friends remaining with her. which isn’t an entirely bad thing. that would mean all of her friends made it to debut.

“soon you’re going to be too busy for me then we can never hang out,” chungha says dramatically. she smiles at juyeon though. it’s not all bad. she wraps her arm around the younger’s. “but it’s okay. i’m good at waiting. i’ll even be your number one fan.”

@juyeonrk

。˚∘ i go ;

rkheejin​:

“oh wow, trc?” chungha asks, impressed. “trc has high standards. it’s hard to get in there.” not that trc automatically had the best trainees because of its tough criteria but it was still an accomplishment for someone to get in there easily. heejin must have impressed the ceo during the mgas. chungha would comment on her not “looking” like a trc girl but the truth was that trc seemed to be heading in a new direction. it was clear with the musical path that k.arma was taking: trc wasn’t sticking to the same image anymore and they were diversifying their sound. so maybe heejin fit this concept of a new-age trc girl.

she’s (silently) thankful that the conversation continues on and doesn’t linger on the smaller details of “which company” and “how long ago was that” because truthfully, chungha would like to pretend that her time in kt just didn’t exist.

hearing heejin speak about royal immediately reminded her of gahyeon. it makes her chuckle. there’s a fondness in her smile now. “ah, you remind me of my friend. she was the same way about royal. she almost didn’t audition for heartz the first time because she was dead set on royal. and it’s been like ages since she’s been there.” though clearly both girls wised up in their decisions and made their way to the heartz project for an opportunity in the very least for a chance in debut.

“i think everyone is like that because they have this image in their mind. i was like that about the very first company i was ever in. it was a small company and didn’t have a lot of money but i was convinced that i was going to debut and be in the group that uplifted the company to stardom.” thinking about it, it was just disillusioned. wishful thinking. “everyone is a little stupid when they’re younger or new at something. that’s the point of being a novice.”  she laughs.

“but clearly you’re thinking with more clarity. you’re here now, at least!”

gahyecnrk​:

。˚∘ better together ;

enough tears. it was getting ridiculous for her to be this overcome with emotion. she sniffled again, wiping her eyes dry of any traces of tears. though her face remained a shade of pink. but her face was full of joy. she already felt her spirit lifting and plateauing safely. unbothered by anything that could possibly bring her down.

“it feels like it’s been forever in the project,” she admits. not everything in sphere is sunshine and rainbows. she isn’t going to pretend that it has been a linear, smooth experience for her. that would be a lie. though chungha also can understand that her experience wasn’t universal. like the person who got chosen first would have an entirely different concept of what this process has been like versus chungha, who has done every single month and hasn’t gotten chosen yet. so chungha tries not to say anything outwardly opinionated. she doesn’t want to get one idea in gahyeon’s head.

though chungha cannot relate to the feeling weird about taking a debut opportunity and just leaving a company, she empathises. if gahyeon felt off about it then that’s valid. “i think if you explained, they’d ultimately understand.” everyone had the same goal in mind after all. if they couldn’t understand gahyeon taking a step in the right direction to achieve their goal then maybe they just didn’t understand. or maybe they’re more jealous about gahyeon having the guts to try and branch out. who knows. “anyone who is or was your friend back then would be happy for you. they should be. haven’t you been in royal long enough?”

chungha is a little surprised that gahyeon actually listened to her. sure what she said was honest on her part. she did think gahyeon needed to make an attempt but considering she was so steadfast on her decision to stay, chungha never questioned it. “i can’t believe you actually thought about that!” she laughs. it made her so happy to even think that her advice would even influence anything.

“honestly, i think you can come in freshly and show something that maybe we’ve lacked so far and they haven’t even realised it yet.” chungha shrugs. “i really feel as though its anyone’s game because the girls from the first audition got spots in heartz quickly. so don’t discount yourself!” but from now on, as much as they loved each other they were now competing for the same goal. what a strange position that puts them in. chungha wasn’t worried though.

“i look forward to every month we spend together. until the end!”

rkyurim​:

— `, ● move, groove, smooth .

chungha shakes her head. it was no problem for the younger to come around and distract her. it was welcomed. chungha was getting nowhere fast anyhow. it was no sweat off her back if she spent her independent study doing something more interesting. “i promise you’re not bothering me. you’re probably saving me from utter boredom.”

some people just had the talent. it was difficult to replicate that calibre of natural creativity. even if someone worked their damnedest, they still won’t sound as natural as those who are quick witted. “it really is so hard. i think i’m a fast thinker in other things but in freestyle? i’d get murdered.” if she ever participated in a cypher she’d be eaten alive. not that chungha foresaw herself at any cyphers in the future but that wasn’t the point. “i can try and get better but it’s hard to reprogram your brain that way, i guess.”

she gives yoorim a kind smile. she had been in her position before when she first started sphere. independent study could be a moment of a freakout especially if you didn’t have any creative talents. it might seem like some free time but it wasn’t. trainees were scolded for not using their time efficiently. “i know the feeling. you kind of feel directionless right now, hm?”

for a new trainee it could seem like doing so much at once is overwhelming and useless. would they really need to learn a bunch of instruments? how often would they be able to use their talents? chungha went through the same thing.

“i guess you can use this time to think of something that’s a little more creative that you want to do. or maybe you can do what i did when i first came: i used it to go to the gym more or to practise on my evaluations. creative things aren’t limited to lyrical writing. it could be choreographies, songs, catchphrases, working on your health.” it could be anything and everything but it took a while for anyone to get that in their head. “it’s a nice kind of wind down after a long training day.”

。˚∘ glitz ;

rkxluda​:

“i mean we all start somewhere!” she offered optimistically. not everyone came out of training ready to be on video. some struggled with lip syncing, some looked awkward in final cuts of the video. that’s to be expected. it was nothing to be worried about. but chungha understands wanting to do well and being frustrated when it doesn’t come out how you envision it. “i think you did great. i think you’re a natural for the camera!”

as if to prove her point, chungha holds up her thumb and index fingers to form a square. “the camera would love you luda~ and everyone who watches will fall in love too. it’s fate!” she chuckles. though chungha always figured actual soloists would be lonely on set doing something like that, the heartz girls wouldn’t truly be alone. they have the girls and other filming to do together. it must be tiring....but incredibly fun.

“honestly if sphere manages to send everyone all over the world....wow....they must have a lot of faith in us.” usually it was the opposite: newer groups weren’t invested like that. sphere was dropping bank to create their videos whether people realised it or not. but chungha figures they had the funds for it. convex was a successful group after all. “who knows, maybe that’s the concept of heartz: they’re world travellers!”

ah, if only that were guaranteed. “i hope so. i’m not sure what the last subunit’s concept is going to be but i feel like if i don’t get into the girl crush unit i’m boned.” although chungha says this with a chuckle, she doesn’t find it to be a laughing matter. it’s more true than she lets on. although of course there’s always a chance for her to (somehow) suit the last subunit concept, she was really banking on the next subunit. “i wonder how heartz will be as a group if everyone has such different visuals and concepts. how would fans of subunits be able to be fans of the group too?”

― heavy sighs ༄

rkhsy​:

“who knows what they’ll do?” companies like to be vague and mysterious with their choices. it’s as if they’re on a constant power trip with the fate of their lives in their hands, dismissive of what happens and whose feelings they hurt. companies will always do as they please. chungha is automatically prepared for the worst. what if they’re not satisfied with any of them and just brings a whole new batch of girls? both from other companies and new auditions? though who is she kidding. they already brought seungah over because clearly none of them were main vocal material. “if they really wanted to they can make the entire group be nothing but girls outside of sphere.” that would have been a real smack in the face.

chungha hums in surprise. although when she thinks pure, of course she doesn’t think of seungah. but that doesn’t mean she thinks that seungah can’t suit a pure concept. “i don’t think your personality is very pure but i think you have the visuals for it.” which means she works. not to mention her voice. seungah could easily fit the bill of an angel: pure, beautiful and even has the voice to back it up. “at least you tried though. i bet you would have waited for ages for even a debut opportunity again had you stayed in nova.”

she smiles at the other, holding up her pinky. “i promise if we both get in i will gladly share my birthday with you for the rest of our lives.” it was a cute promise. there was no telling what the future held for them. “who knows, maybe we’ll even be the first to be confirmed; or maybe the very last so we don’t have to go long until we can celebrate our birthdays together.”

a part of her had been dreading this first month (or few, is it?) because they’ll be stuck in the pure concept. “i wonder what they’ll do once they get their fill of pure girls. will the rest of us be whisked away?” chungha sighs and shrugs. “stay by my side for the rest of the project. we’re february babies. we have to stick together.”

she was joking, of course, although it would be nice to have someone she could rely on. someone she could speak to. she’s not sure what the rest of these months will look like but chungha was hopeful. even if it was just a tiny bit.

shock attack

mxnark​:

chungha nodded. the respect was on her face. “you know for all the shit i pull with your brother not even i managed to do that. good job,” she says, rising her hand to high-five the younger for her efforts. “ah yes the godly child that he is.” chungha jokes. but she’s quick to add, “he’s probably so happy to have you here.” thinking to the rough months both she and daniel had some time ago affirmed that even if he denied it, chungha knew he was glad to have his sister in the same company as he. he’s lonely, chungha wants to say but she knows not to.

she and daniel were alike in that respect.

ah there goes the mention again of debut and a good opportunity. she has been in better spirits since her talk with both daniel and juyeon but she still can’t shake the sour chord the twanged when the heartz project was ever mentioned. “yeah they’re really cool.” and they were. the videos were divine and as chungha has seen online, there seems to be a connection between the girls and their music. how incredibly clever and innovative. chungha wonders if she’ll ever be amongst them but she doesn’t say this to mina. she can’t let it become something of doubt. “thank you!”

she manages a smile and purposely doesn’t say anything about what her reaction would be like if she didn’t debut. (she’d be pissed) but her stomach is growling as if on cue for something to eat. “it’s okay, really!” she says with a soft smile. though the truth is her heart ached that she wasn’t going to spend any time with mina. she wanted to be with her, watch her learn the ropes. she wants to see her reaction to the gym facilities or how she fairs in the showers. chungha wants to be next to her every step of the way. remembering that she wouldn’t be there has her bringing mina back into her embrace, laughing as she waddles them over towards the line. “i sit in the middle because i like being the centre of attention,” chungha jokes. it wouldn’t be long until daniel joined them as well.

“promise me you’ll survive your first day. i feel so bad for leaving you on your own like this.”