I am the worst

chinese high-end business war by 双面笑笑

I want this as a long ass show where every episode's this

I’m like if someone smart chose to be an idiot. Out of free will

In my ideal socialist society, my cat will not be whining for more wet food after I've given him his portion, because there's dry food already

MEAN TO ME

the sickness at the core of america, according to brennan

made a uquiz

here it is! it’s romeo and juliet themed lol

“Jesus christ man what the FUCK” - my brother

glad you all enjoy it :3

WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

OP understood Romeo and Juliet better in this 30-question quiz than several academic scholars I know understood it in a 30-page paper

[ID: twitter thread by Charlotte 🇵🇸 @charlottor:

"Friend is being kicked out of his flat that has a garden because the landlord wants to charge much, much higher rent. Friend has carefully removed every single thing he planted. Landlord: "it's worth more with all the fucking plants, how am I meant to get more rent now?!"

The best bit is that he wanted until landlord had taken loads of photos of the garden for the advert, had people round to view and been told contracts have been signed by the new tenants. Who are expecting a beautiful garden, as opposed to the bare patch of dirt that now exists

Muting this because lots of you seem to really love landlords and some of you think I should chastise my actual friend who is being kicked out of his home *specifically* so the landlord can make more cash. Cracked". End of ID.]

Scream

"I completely changed the recipe and it turned bad. This means the recipe is bad. Two stars."

Please I'm begging you all to follow r/ididnthavetheeggs it's all just posts like this please

r/ididn'thaveeggs link for the interested:

Adding some more quality replies from the rbs so they're all in one chain

my personal favorite:

making egg tarts without eggs is....a choice. sometimes one just has to acknowledge that a banana isn't an egg, indeed.

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.

No they aren’t.

yes they are. because they are fluffye.

OK yes they are.

Dog

Dog

Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs

No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.

They’re a dog.

yeah they’re fluffye

theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?

checkmate athiests

fluffye

okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused

If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.

Behold! A dog.

of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.

Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”

Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.

I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.

That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks

sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs

Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH

Tags via @jenroses

sharks are smooth dogs

BEHOLD, a SHARK

I am always saying this

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

yeah sorry we took your canon male character and made him a butch dyke. no yeah it didnt change his appearance hes just a butch dyke now. sorry. hes infinitely cooler now if that makes u feel better

He fat :(((((

tried to vent in a trans space about how, as a trans man who’s been on T for a long time (over 7 years now), i have noticed that the more i pass as a man, the less welcomed i am in queer spaces unless i go out of my way to feminize myself. and how that sucks! and it’s isolating!!! and it feels horrible to see ppl who used to like you and be close to you drift further and further the more masculine (& therefore more comfortable in urself) u become…

only to get ppl replying to me and saying “well if you dressed more fem then ppl wouldn’t be intimidated by you. you signed up for this”

i’m sorry but i didnt sign up for social isolation when i transitioned, i signed up for gender euphoria and comfort in myself and my life. and i had hoped that the ppl in my life would be able to see how much joy that brings me and continue to love me.

i need ppl to realize that telling trans ppl to change the way they present to make other ppl comfortable with their gender is fucking transphobic. it’s transphobic when it’s telling a trans woman to dress more femme or feminize her voice so she doesn’t ‘intimidate people’, it’s transphobic when it’s telling a trans man the same. it is explicitly and inexcusably transphobic and it is literally never okay. trans people belong in queer spaces. period. there is no dress code. we belong there bc we built those fucking spaces.

arcade gannon truly is so real for aiming every joke he makes to an audience of exclusively himself. like nobody around him gets his references to history/art/literature but he doesn't care because he sees the perfect opportunity to make a reference and he never fails to do so. hes so real for that

Guy certainly knows about it