When We Were Young
Characters: Jongdae x You
Summary: You reminisce your relationship with Jongdae after you guys break up.
When we were young, we thought anything was possible.
When we were young, I thought you and I would be forever.
When you were young, you loved me like there was no tomorrow.
When I was young, I thought I would be enough.
Enough for you to stay with me.
Enough for you to smile and laugh with me.
You thought I was enough for you
And now that I’ve changed.
“It’s complicated. I don’t know how they made that up.” You would say, whenever I would ask you why you were caught in this rumor. But you’ve never explained why it was complicated or how it became complicated. It all just seemed confusing for me. Untrusting, insecure, crazy; me. But I could never imagine how it was like for you.
I guess that’s my fault. Scratch that, I know it’s my fault. For never considering how you felt when I asked those hurtful questions. For just ignoring your feelings. Everyone said that I was annoying and a moron behind my back, everyone except you. Towards the end of us, I was always annoying. And I knew that. I still can’t understand how you put up with me.
But everything wasn’t always like this. Everything was surprisingly okay and exciting in the beginning. Everything seemed actually interesting and lively.
Jongdae and I met while I was a trainee for SM and well, he obviously succeeded and I had to just give up and get a stable job.
He was always the sweetest person out of EXO and also, the whiniest.
Despite me leaving SM, EXO and I still remained as close as ever. He asked me out on New Year’s Eve, when I was over at their dorm to celebrate with them.
“Happy New Year!” Everyone shouted as we watched the clock strike 12 AM. And the tradition was to kiss someone on New Year’s so I turned to my left and locked lips with Kim Jongdae.
I knew it was him. That’s why I turned left. He seemed to respond well to my sudden action.
When we parted, the rest of the boys looked at us in shock.
“You two… are a thing?” Baekhyun’s eyes danced between Dae and I.
“I never saw that coming.” Sehun remarked with an annoying amount of sass in his tone.
“They are now. Finally, I’ve been watching Jongdae flirt with you since our trainee days, Y/N.” Kyungsoo addressed.
Kyungsoo’s dry humor made everyone burst into laughter and a seemingly endless string of high fives and happy wishes came towards us that night or should I say morning?
Well in the end, we drank some champagne and fell asleep to a stupid rom com on their sofa.
The next morning was the best.
I woke up to Jongdae spooning me in his bed. His steady breathing fanned my neck as I felt his legs tangled with mine and his arm slightly draped over my waist. I tried really hard to move a little because it was honestly getting sweaty but that failed and I woke him up.
“Morning.” Jongdae rubbed his eyes as he sat up.
“Sorry I woke you. Did you carry me here last night?”
“Yeah, you seemed very uncomfortable on that sofa with the rest of the boys so I carried you to my room. And boy, was that work.” Jongdae joked.
“Shut up.” I felt a smile creeping onto my face.
“I know we are kinda official but I just want to make sure. So, will you be my girlfriend, Y/N?”
“Of course.” I displayed a smug smile on my face.
Everything was okay from then on. Yeah, we would have fights here and there but that was to be expected from couples. We would fight about stupid things such as what to get for dinner or what movie we should watch.
But there were also the cute moments. I remember going to their fan sign during the “Call Me Baby” era and pretending to be a Junmyeon fan. Dae had this jealous yet impressed look on his face I can’t help but recall every time I think of the event.
“Hello.” Chanyeol greeted me at the beginning of the table. I was the last fan so they seemed a little tired.
“What is your name?” Chanyeol asked, even though he was already addressing the signature to me.
“How have you been, Y/N?” Chanyeol smiled.
“I’ve been great. How about you?”
“We’ve been promoting so everything is very exciting. Who are a fan of?”
“Really?” Chanyeol started to laugh as I just smiled. “Yeah. He’s really handsome and a great leader.”
By the time I reached Dae, I’ve already told the rest of the boys I liked Junmyeon and he didn’t seem impressed at all. His lips were in a flattened into a straight line. All the boys have been sneaking glances at our interaction and by the way I saw it, they were planning on teasing him in the van when we were done.
“Hello.” I smiled brightly.
“That’s a really pretty name, Y/N-shi.”
I blushed and thanked him.
“So, I hear that you like Junmyeon hyung.”
“Yeah, he’s really handsome and sings really good. And he’s such a excellent leader.” I went on and on about how perfect Junmyeon was until he finally stopped me.
“Are you sure your bias isn’t me?”
“No. Why would it be you?” I questioned. The boys almost died at my remark.
“I could sing better, I’m actually funny, I’m more handsome, and I’m extra perfect.”
I ended up giving up and smiling really big as he made all his arguments going against Junmyeon. I put my hand on his and squeezed it a little. I whispered “I love you.” to him and he did the same to me.
But in the end, I had to leave. He seemed really sad to see me leave the venue.
On the bus ride home, I read the message he wrote to me.
“To my dearest, I’m so happy you made it to this fan meeting. I was really excited to see you in the bunch of fans today. But I waited very long because I was at the end of the table :(. And who’s this Junmyeon guy you like? I don’t know him at all. You must stop liking him and love me. Well, I know you love me. I missed you so much. I’ll call you tonight though. I love you.
I smiled so much that day my cheeks started to hurt.
But as EXO became more popular, there was less time for us to spend together. Less time for us to even have a 5 minute phone call.
We started to fight a lot more. It was to the point where every time we met, we would fight. And not about the stupid stuff. But just about simple loneliness and jealousy.
It all stemmed from the fact that there was this rumor about Jongdae was dating an idol. It was already 2016 and around the time they started to promote “Lotto”. I was of course, furious. And my jealousy got the best of me.
The idol was rumored to be Girls Generation’s Yoona. How could I not be jealous? She was a complete goddess. All of the boys fawned over her. She was funny and even knew how to cook. She was the perfect package. And here I was, being me. Not even half as beautiful as she was. I was insecure.
I questioned him. I didn’t trust him. I asked him questions that hurt him so deeply I don’t even want to picture the expression he had plastered on his face anymore. He looks so hurt, so upset, and like someone had just murdered his family.
I would question why he showed up late to my apartment. I would ask him where he was all the time. I became crazy and obsessed over something that was complete fiction. Even after the him denying my accusations multiple times.
I blamed him for things that weren’t even the least bit related to him. I blamed him for stuff he had no control over. So of course,over time, his beautiful smile faded. His eyes began to look tired all the time. The calls stopped. The cute texts stopped. “We” stopped.
I had made him leave me. I understood why he broke up with me. By 2017, I was this controlling bitch who was insecure about herself. He and I were both suffering. When he dumped me, I hated him the first few days but I came to the realization that it was my fault. That I made us drift apart. I made us end the way we did.
But what if I say I still love him? What if I say my heart shatters into millions of pieces whenever I see him on billboards or on TV? It shatters because I feel bad for the way we ended. For the way I tortured him for months to the point where he had had enough. For the way I was being.
Those eyes are still in my dreams. That smile still haunts my nights. That beautiful voice still replays in my head. Those pictures still remain on my walls. That bottle of cologne he left me is still on my vanity.
I ruined his love and destroyed him.
