cooking as an adult is exactly the same as cooking in webkinz except when you make this

you have to eat it

extremely fucked up that the only way out is through

I feel uneasy

these pictures are so loose and lacking in detail that it’s making my brain force images onto them that aren’t actually there

is that wrinkly kong

ok these are all quite certainly this exact picture of wrinkly kong. why

forget what you saw

so i love peppermint candy and when i was in middle school theyd hold a candy cane sale in december, one quarter per candy cane! extremely excellent deal, except i was twelve and completely broke. so one year i scrounged for floor change for a couple of days before deciding i was desperate and stealing $20 from my mother’s nightstand 😔 it weighed on me for a full decade until a few months ago i decided to finally confess to my mom and she was like. yeah dude you came home with eighty candy canes. do you think i’m stupid

Just once, I want the hero to go “your wife/sister/mother/whatever would not have wanted this!”, and the villain to go, “actually, we talked about this a lot. She was really into vigilante justice and eye for an eye stuff. She always said, if something like this happens, avenge me.”

“Your mother never would have wanted this!”

“Wow you clearly never met my mother.”

“Your wife wouldn’t have wanted this!”

“To be honest, I’m following her list of instructions. Do you think I came up with this plan by myself?”

“I wanted to go to art school, but no! You had to kill my sister and make me enact her 37 step plan on what to do in case she was murdered!”

love "et cetera" like... theres soooo much more. beyond your wildest imaginations. Not gonna tell u what tho. Move on

Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

our beautiful rail line... (so far)

BEHOLD!

Public transport!

Behind the scenes of Godzilla (1998)

man why didn’t they just have this guy fight him off. dude’s huge

i wouldn't fight godzilla if i was this dude's size, for roughly the same reason i wouldn't fight a komodo dragon at the size i currently am

Not even to save New York?

what has new york ever done for me

this isn't a real feature but imagine if it was though

so many people would just see PUT YOUR FIC UNDER A FUCKING CUT

Fuck yeah!!

my neighbor thought i fucking DIED because he heard a loud crash (easel & canvas fell over while i was asleep) and had been trying to contact me for like an hour anyway artistic rendition of when i opened my door

Our beautiful home

after a long day of doing laundry for the entire neighborhood, i walk into my kitchen and cook an amazing gourmet feast, which i then eat entirely while crouched in the corner set aside for dining. afterwards, i tuck my son into solitary confinement before making the long trek down the master bedroom hallway to bed, where i settle in with my wife who just finished bathing in our second bathroom's indoor swimming pool

me: how about you stop “scrolling” your “dash” and start dashing to deliver me scrolls

my useless apprentice: why do you pay the homunculus more than me